October 15, 1999

Hello my beloved friends!

Exhausted I am..I got four hours of sleep last night. Choctaw class is (sort of) going on right now, but nothing is working. I was choses as a JCM [RN - Maidens of the Heart Junior Charter Maiden], which is very neat. It never occured to me to have any doubts about getting the position. That's really quite odd, because everyone who applied is probably (I'm sure!) just as capable as myself. I wonder why I had no doubts..? Oh well.

I should hear from SCVA this week. In theory, I should know by the 18th, but..I think I'll be happy if I know any time this week. I'm exceedingly anxious about my honor choir auditions. I have to send in an audition tape for ACDA honor choir auditions. Aiiiieeeee! [RN - That same day I ended up deciding I didn't have the money for the second honor choir..but a lot of people who go to school with me made it in ^_^ ]

As for my latest stuff..HOCK is totally up now (at least the graphical interface - yay!). I am sort of angry at the HOCK players though..only three people besides me entered my show. Results will be easy, especially with the new program I wrote. But I'm still frustrated. Three out of twenty. BAAH! I'm not somad as I am frustrated. I try to enter shows as long as my computer's working *sigh* Oh well. So nobody cares if my birthday is Sunday [the 17th]. See if I care!

Now that I got my little venting session over with..I'm doing another conference call next week. Maybe this time I'll talk *grin* or maybe not. I like the calls because I don't have the option of turning them off. No off button == a listening Rosie. Very cool. I'm excited.

Now that I'm back as an active SBCL, I guess I'll have to block scan. I hate scanning..it's so boring. La la la, I don't want to scan..oh well, I will anyway *g* because I'm SUCH a good girl.

I guess that's it ^^;

love and hugs, Rosie

October 31, 1999

I am so frustrated. I don't really know why, either. I don't really feel like doing anything at all. I want to just sleep, and laugh, and cry, and…be a normal teenager, that which I have never been. I don't know why I was ever abnormal. I look normal. I think normal. I see normal, I smell normal, I taste normal, I touch normal and I hear normal. My mannerisms, they seem fairly normal; I speak with a pretty normal California accent; but I'm not normal. I never will be.

Today I went riding even though I really shouldn't have. It was extremely hot, and I ended up going home with heat exhaustion. Pennsylvania is really a chore; he takes up so much of my energy! When it's lacking on a hot day, I think he takes up more energy than I have; but he may have been hot as well. I was, like, whack, kick, whack, whack, slap, kick, squeeze, whack--good gosh. I'm getting tired again just thinking about it.

I sometimes think I need a life transplant.

love n' hugs, Rosie

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