September 6, 1999

Old habits die hard. And so do old memories.

Most of you who are young (like my own age) have not had many friends die. Even less of you have had an enemy die. And very, very few of you had your worst enemy from elementary school murdered. I have.

We hated each other, Shevawn and I. It was no joke. She was pretty and popular, unlike me. I had the stable family life she seemed to want. Five years of that. We never resolved it. Not ever.

After elementary school we never spoke again. I watched, though, as she shaved off all her hair except for her bangs. I watch her slip into a dangerous crowd. I then went on to high school. She went to a different district. Later that year -- our freshman year -- she was strangled to death in an abandoned building with a belt. She had been tied to a chair. Her ex-boyfriend did it. I believe he called it a sacrifice to Satan.

To think people wonder why I respect my enemies so much now.

Now you know. She was Shevawn Geoghegan. She died too soon. If only life was different! Not that I'd be her friend, but if she wasn't dead...I would be so happy.

Being alone is safer. Having few friends keeps me safe. I shall not suffer a similar fate. If only I could protect everyone...

luv & hugs, Rosie
(a tear[drop is in the paper version])

September 12, 1999

School started. It was uneventful.

Supplies this year are costing more than $300. Soon I'll put up my "Computers For Peanuts" page. It's sort of in rebellion...all these people have tons of money to upgrade and I don't...people will finally have a glimpse of what it's like to be me or any other teenage geek without a job and a $5/wk. allowance. Welcome to a world of mooching, manipulating, and free t-shirts. =P I have a new hard disk, I'm planning on getting a copy of Linux-Mandrake ASAP. Then I need to splurge and get a new case, motherboard and chip set, really, but that will cost at least $300 without RAM even. Ick.

Time for bed.

luv & hugs, Rosie N

September 15, 1999

Such a funny day today was.

I was home sick today. I couldn't even talk for much of the day. I hope I didn't miss too much at school today. I desparately need to study for my history test Friday...but my head hurts too much right now. I have a sinus headache.

I called into "THE" Conference Call tonight. I didn't get to ask my question (awww)...

There's this guy and he just has this...aura...about him. Maybe I'm crushing (which is quite rare for me...I seldom get crushes...) or maybe it's something else. It's not a bad feeling, just a new and different one. Whatever.

luv & hugs, Rosie

September 28, 1999

So maybe I have guts after all.

Today I decided to honor the promise I made during the troubling times (see http://www.oocities.org/jrideratheart) of Amanda-sama's [RN the aussie Amanda] and Shevawn's deaths. After the suicide, I decided I'd take an active role in the rights of homosexuals. I took [the deaths] really hard. Then with Shevawn's murder, the "sacrifice to Satan" or whatever those murderers called it, I realized how special life was. So I went to the Gay-Straight Alliance meeting, which normally wouldn't really phase me; I know the president really well and I know a few other members really well too. [RN so maybe I was bs-ing a little in the handwritten version. I do know them at least vaguely..]

I was NOT!!!!!! expecting one of my teachers to be advising (that teacher did not advise last year). I came very close to getting up and leaving. I don't know why it made me psycho at the time or why it is continuing to make me psycho. It just IS! I think I just wasn't expecting it and I had an anxiety attack (perhaps closer to a nervous breakdown!) when that teacher came in and sat down. Just this attack of, "Oh my gosh, what must [that teacher] think?" This happens to shy girls who are really pretty strong inside but don't know it 90% of the time. I did, in the end, keep my tooshie glued to the chair, and stayed the entire lunch period.

I also don't believe in calling people by name or title when I speak aloud unless it's really nessacary. I yell, "Hey, you!" and tap shoulders a lot.

C'est tout!

luv & hugs, Rosie (the psycho geek girl!)
P.S. - I am straight FYI [RN but if you're really thoroughly reading these diaries you should know that anyway =P ]

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