Cat Jokes

'Cause y'all love a little pussy sometimes!

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Cats know how we feel. They don't give a damn, but they know.

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are
subtle and will piss on your computer.

As one who is an unabashed admirer of cats, telling this story is somewhat painful. This is a true story which happened during the late 1970's. My wife has firsthand knowledge of the circumstances since, at the time, she was a police officer in whose jurisdiction the incident occurred. There is a small rural town, somewhat northeast to the city of Niagara Falls, NY.

One evening, a resident of the town called the local volunteer fire department to request assistance in removing their cat from a tree. Since this was a "questionable" call, the fire control dispatcher called the fire chief at home to ask if he wanted to respond. The chief said sure, call out the department, since it was early evening and it shouldn't be a problem for the volunteers to respond.

The fire department responded with a rescue truck which had an extension ladder. The tree, however, was too tall and willowy to support the weight of the extension ladder. Rather than send men back to the fire hall to bring the aerial ladder truck, one of the firefighters suggested an alternate course of action. Two of the firefighters supported the ladder while a third climbed high enough to tie a rope around the tree at about half its height. The other end of the rope was tied to a trailer hitch on a pickup truck, with the truck slowly driven forward, forcing the tree to bend over. One firefighter was poised to grab the cat as soon as it was within his reach. The knot securing the rope to the trailer hitch slipped free. The cat was last seen airborne heading south toward the city of Niagara Falls, and was never seen again.

This incident adds a rather new definition to the word "catapult." Needless to say, the particular fire department did not receive praise from the local ASPCA when the story made its rounds.

I work for a company servicing computers. This one particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral shaft. They also had a big bushy cat who liked to sit on the edge of the printer next to the operator.

Well, one day we got a service call that said, "Cat caught in machine, come quick!" When I arrived I saw everyone sitting around mending their various wounds, scratches and contusions. No sight of the cat. It appears that while they were running the machine the cat was twirling his tail in his usual fashion and stuck it down into the printer at the most inopportune time and got SUCKED IN! Apparently, the cat absolutely freaked out and tore/scratched the shit out of everyone who came close.

They finally freed the cat and to this day he has a kinda "crook" in his tail and goes nowhere near the machine.

A guy is in his backyard one day and, looking over his fence, sees his neighbor digging a hole in his garden. Being a friendly person, he asks what the hole is for. "My canary died and I'm burying it," said the neighbor.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that," said the guy, "but that's a pretty big hole for a little canary, isn't it?"

"Well, it's inside your f*cking cat!" replied the neighbor.

carlycat55@yahoo.com

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