More Blonde Jokes

Because I'm still not blonde! *LOL*

One day a man comes home from work and finds his blonde wife leaning over the kitchen sink crying. He asks, "Honey, what's wrong?

Between sniffles she says, "I...I dropped the ice cubes on the floor, and then rinsed them off in hot water, and now I can't FIND them!"

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run as fast as you can, she probably has a grenade in her hand.
A blonde was staring dumfounded at a rushing river blocking her path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side. She yelled "Hey, can you help me get to the other side?"

The other blonde replied "You ARE on the other side!!!!"

What is it when you hear this: vroom. screech. vroom. screech. vroom. screech.?
A blonde at a blinking stoplight.
What’s a blonde doing when she’s grabbing at thin air?
Collecting her thoughts!
While interviewing a young Pennsylvania blonde for a job, the employer decided to ask her a philosophical question. "If you could spend an evening talking to any person, living or dead, who would it be?"
She enthusiastically responded, "The living one!"

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts even more loudly in chant. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes up, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in just 51 days!"

A brunette goes into a doctor's office:
Brunette: Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me.
Doctor: Well, tell me your symptoms.
Brunette: Well, everything hurts. When I touch my nose it hurts (touching nose), when I touch my leg it hurts (touching leg), when I touch my arm it hurts (touching arm), it just hurts everywhere!
Doctor (after looking at her for a second): Did you used to be a blonde?
Brunette: Why yes!
Doctor: Your finger's broken.

A blonde's house is on fire so she runs outside to use a payphone to call for help. She gets the 911 operator, and gets transferred to the firehouse. "Mr. Fireman, my house is on fire! You have to help me!"

The Fireman replies, "Yes, yes Miss, how do I get to your house?"

The blonde pauses a moment, and replies, "Umm, it's the house that's on fire."

Realizing he is now talking to a blonde, the fireman comes back with "No Miss, how would you like me to get to your house?"

To which the blonde replies, "Duh, a big red truck."

Didja hear about the blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes? She dyed her hair brown and then, having nothing better to do, went for a drive in the country. She came across a flock of sheep crossing the road and had to stop. She was conversing with the shepherd, when she asked him if she could guess exactly how many sheep were in the flock, could she have one? He said sure, thinking, what are the odds? Well, she glanced over the flock and then said, "One hundred sixty-nine."

"Amazing!" said the shepherd. "Go choose your sheep."

As she was returning to the car with her choice, the shepherd said to her, "Lady, if I can guess what color your hair used to be, could I have my dog back?"


A blonde goes up to a Coke machine in Las Vegas, puts in a dollar bill, and pushes the button for a Coke. The machine gives her a coke and 50 cents change. She puts in another dollar and pushes the button for a Coke. She gets the Coke and 50 cents change. She does the same thing again and again. Finally a man behind her asks her when she is going to be done so he can buy a Coke. The blonde turns to the man and says, "Duh, I'm winning."

Judi, a buxom blonde gal, walked into the doctors office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound!

Judi said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, and first stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin it, so I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be really loud..."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job. At the end of the first day the redhead had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles, and the blonde had painted 10 miles. The boss was so excited. He told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day the redhead painted 5 miles, the brunette 5.6 miles, and the blonde only 4 miles, but he told her not to worry, she still had a good lead. Finally, on the third day, the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles and the blonde only one mile.

The boss was so disappointed. He asked the blonde, "What went wrong? You were doing so well."

The blonde replied, "Well, that bucket of paint kept getting further and further away."

One summer day a blonde walks out of her house and across the street she sees another blonde in a boat in the middle of her front lawn rowing away. The first blonde yells across the street to the blonde in the boat, "You know it's blondes like you that make blondes like me look bad. If I could swim, I'd come over there and kick your ass!"

For more like this...{BLONDE Jokes}{Even More BLONDE Jokes}
{X-rated BLONDE Jokes}{Blonde's Revenge--Brunette Jokes}{Redhead Jokes}

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