MORE Blonde Jokes

There were three pregnant women at the gynecologist's office, a redhead, brunette and blonde. They all wanted to find out what they were going to have. The doctor told them that the ultrasound machine was broken but she would try to help them by asking some questions. So she asked the brunette what position she had been in when she conceived, and the brunette said she was on the bottom. The doctor said she was going to have a boy.

Next she asked the red head the same question and the redhead said she was on top. The doctor told her she was going to have a girl.

Then the doctor turned to the blonde, saw she was crying and asked what was the matte. The blond wailed, "I'm going to have puppies!"

A blonde and her brunette friend were talking. "I hate all the blonde jokes people tell."

"Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here I'll prove it to you."

So they went outside and hailed a taxi."Please take me to 29 Nickle Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.

The taxi drove them and when they finally got out the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See, that guy was really stupid."

"No kidding," replied the blonde. "There was a pay phone just around the corner; you could have called instead."

Linda meets her blonde friend Jill just as Jill is picking her car up from the mechanic.

Linda asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"

Jill replies, "Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was a $10 bottle of blinker fluid."

A highway patrolman stopped a blonde who had been driving at a high rate of speed. He told her that she had been driving 90 miles an hour.

She exclaimed, "Why, Officer, that's impossible! I only left my house about 30 minutes ago!"

The company can not decide who to give the job to, so they give the two groups a test. The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that must be installed into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first will get the job."

Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the Company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back. A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the male crew returns. "Yes!" they shout. "We came back first, so we get the job!!"

"Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic or the truck breaking down."

"Fine, no problem," say the men. An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours. Finally, at 8:30, the Blonde crew arrives. All the group is flushed and breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labor.

"What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.

"What do you mean, 'What took so long?'? Do we get the job?"

"YOU get the job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!"

"Well, of course they were," say the blondes. "They only put the pole in halfway!!"

A blonde decided to decorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need but he knew that her friend (also a blonde) next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten," said Buffy.

So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but had 2 rolls left over.

"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 left over!"

"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."

A guy is having a drink in a bar. A lot of drinks. A very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"

The big woman replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. Sure, I'm blonde, and six feet tall, 210 lbs. and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder. The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6'2" and 220; she's an ex-professional wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who's 6'5", weighs 250 lb., and she's a kickboxer professional. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"

The guy blinks and swallows, thinks about it a second and says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"

The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"

"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

A gorgeous blonde was driving on the freeway, singing. Her finger was tapping to the beat. Suddently she became aware that the car was traveling much faster than it should be. She was at 78 and accelerating fast. For a moment she panicked. She tried to get her foot under the accelerator to try to free it, but it wasn't stuck.

Do you know what the problem was? She had been tapping time to the music on the cruise control button!

The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

jessie555@hotmail.com

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