What Women Should Know About Men
Women's Compact Instruction Booklet
What Women Need to Know...
Sadly, all men are created equal.
Once you've accepted this, the rest is much easier!
Men are all the same.
They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
If you want a nice man, go for a bald one. They try harder.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
Go for younger men. You might as well.
They never mature anyway.
Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband,
you will usually find that he is.
There are a lot of words you can use to describe men:
strong, caring, loving...
They'd be wrong, but you could still use them!
Men are like animals, messy, insensitive and potentially violent,
but they make great pets!
Remember, you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Men's brains are like the prison system, not enough cells per man.
Husbands are like children. They're fine if they're someone else's.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes.
It means that you laugh at his.
A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump
is unquestionably gay.
Scientists have just discovered something that
can do the work of five men - a women.
There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men,
don't and stop.
But not used together!
A man's idea of serious commitment is usually,
"Oh alright, I'll stay the night."
Women don't make fools of men.
Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
Definition of a bachelor:
a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home.
He probably lies about other things too.
If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach,
you're aiming too high.
What Women Need to Do...
A woman's work is never done.
Neither is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
Never do housework.
No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
You shut the door.
Never let your man's mind wander.
It's too little to be let out alone.
The best way to get a man to do something
is to suggest they are too old (or weak) for it.
When Cynicism Sets In...
Tell him you're not his type.
You have a pulse.
If he asks what sort of books you're interested in,
tell him checkbooks.
So many men!
So many reasons not to sleep with any of them!
If he asks you if you're faking it,
tell him no, you're just practicing.
When he asks you if he's your first,
tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."
Women sleep with men, who if they were women,
they wouldn't even bother to have lunch with.
The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason.
You've gotten sick of him.
The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years.
Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
If they put a man on the moon,
they should be able to put them all there.
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