WOMEN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS
Sent by my friend Kat!
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Reasons to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
Skinny people tick me off! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now, I have forgotten my my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she just doesn't give a damn.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative, but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how would you like to go to the six o'clock class
in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell, my body said, "Listen, you! Do it and die!"
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day!
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
Things my mother taught me...
My Mother taught me LOGIC: "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE - "Where's your brother and don't talk with food in your mouth. Answer me!"
My Mother taught me HUMOR: "When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.
jessie555@hotmail.com
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