Things That Piss People Off
If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. What good is a cake you can't eat? Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? No I paid $8.50 to come to the theatre and stare at that thing over there. What did you come here for?
Well, I hope you don't drive sober either, Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!
Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there, buddy?
I know where my watch is, buddy! Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
You should know! You pulled me over!
One, you're looking at the clock. You should know!
When something is "new and improved," which is it?
If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
People who are willing to get off their butt to search the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too."
What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?
When people say, "It's always in the last place you look."
Do people do this? Who and where are they?
When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?"
The radio ad: "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't."
People who ask: "Can I ask you a question?"
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
When a cop pulls you over and then asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
When you walk through the door at 4:00 in the morning and your parents are sitting there looking at the clock and they ask, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
And two, Hell, yeah! I was hoping you were asleep!
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