Men and Women

Will we ever understand one another?

NOPE! But we sure won't get bored trying!

Marriage Jokes

•While on a car trip, the old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The old woman left her glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."

•You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
•We all know former president Jimmy Carter's commitment to marriage. Frank S. Mead tells about a memo he is said to have sent to his aides suggesting that any who were "living in sin" should become formally attached. Even he, however, had some fun with the wedding vows. When his former speech writer, Rick Hertzberg, married Michele Slung, Mr. Carter edited the vows in the marriage service as if it were a speech Hertzberg had written. For example, Carter circled, "till death do us part" and wrote, "Too morbid--do you want to alienate every sick person in America?" When he got to, "I, Rick, take you, Michele, to be my lawful wedded wife," the former President deleted "wife" and inserted "partner," warning, "Do not use sexist expressions." Next to "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer," Carter wrote, "Polarizing."
•She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds. "Who was it?" he asked.
"My husband," she replied.
"I better get going," he said. "Where was he?"
"Relax. He's downtown playing poker with you."
•Stewardess: I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but we left your wife behind in Atlanta.
Mr. Smith: Thank goodness! I thought I was going deaf!
•A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realise this is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your daughter?"
"Who says it's only a formality?" asked the father angrily.
"Her obstetrician," replied the young man.
•A guy came home early one day and found his wife in bed with another man. "Who the hell is this?" asked the husband furiously.
"Good question," answered the wife. "Say, fella, what's your name?"
•Marriage teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding, perseverance, and a lot of other things you wouldn't need if you'd stayed single!
•Tactful husband who forgot: "But, Dear, how can you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"
•I like the story of the woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with jewels. Her explanation: "If I die and my husband remarries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."
•A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, “Well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.”

The son then asks his father, “Well what's the 6 pack for?”

The father replies, “Well that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.”

Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father replies, “Well, son, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March...”

•Do you know what it means when you come home to a little affection, a little tenderness, and a little sympathy?
It means you're in the wrong house!!!
•Q. How do you make your wife scream when having sex?
A. Call her and tell her where you are.

jessie555@hotmail.com

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