A Father's Commentaries on Life's Little Problems

ABOUT TEENAGERS...

Teenage boy to Mother: "Don't yell at me. I'm not your husband."

They have a new teenage doll on the market now. You wind it up and it resents you for it.

If all the teenagers who slept in class were laid end to end -- they'd be a lot more comfortable.

I have a question. If mind expanding drugs are such a problem in schools these days, how come all the kids don't get better grades.

It's hard being a teenager these days. I mean, they all face one huge insurmountable obstacle. Sooner or later, they all realize they're going to grow-up to be just as stupid as their parents.

My daughter was a typical teenager. I remember one day she stood there in her Calvin Klein jeans & designer blouse, wearing Gucci shoes and carrying a Louis Vuiton purse and told me (with a straight face), "I gotta be me, Dad."

So many fathers complain when their teenage daughters' boyfriends start coming around the house and try to eat everything in sight. I never minded so much having another mouth to feed. What used to bother me more was, I had yet another mouth to listen to.

Speaking of my daughter, like any teenage girl, she considered the telephone a life-support system of some kind to keep her going while in hostile territory (our house). When she left home to get married, the telephone company here retired her phone number.

The average college student in the US goes through approximately 210 books in his/her four years. Surprisingly enough, about 78% of them aren't bank books either.

The football coach at the University of Maryland raised a few eyebrows last year. He overdrew his unlimited expense account.

Coed: Will you love me forever?
Beau: I'd like to, but I have a 9:00 class in the morning.

I'm not saying that colleges have lowered their standards or anything since I was there. But I did note that two or three of the major universities are now advertising themselves as "remedial high schools."

The US Naval Academy has always conducted tests on the honor system. A spokesman said the new procedure where the Middies now sit three rows apart, in alternate rows is only to give them more elbow room.

So many colleges these days lower their admission requirements saying they have need of a specific type of student. What they don't say is these students are all football/basketball players.

The class had been discussing the possibility of life in our solar system. One student asked, "If there are people on other planets, why don't they contact us?"
The teacher looked slowly around the room at the students and replied, sweeping his hand, "Would you ?"

The chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. She said "Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights."
One kid popped up, "Yeah... but teach, there were so few of them back then."

One student couldn't be motivated to take an interest in science at all. He said, "I plan to go into business. Name me one thing that science has done to help business."
The teacher shot back, "And just where would the belt industry be without the law of gravity."

In biology class the teacher was explaining that germs always work in large groups. The class clown piped up, "That would explain then why no one has ever come down with the measle."

© 1997jessie555@hotmail.com

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