What American TV Teaches Us
If a woman is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by
a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
Crazy people are always dangerous.
Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
Good guys are always outnumbered.
Good guys always win and get the girl.
Ugly people are always bad guys.
Good guys are always good looking.
Sex, murder, and mayhem is a way of life.
Good guys are the only ones that have a sense of humor.
Cars will explode in all accidents, no matter how slight.
If you jump hundreds of feet into water, it will always be deep enough.
The head bad guy is always smart. The guys working for him are always stupid.
Haunted houses are never locked.
Women will faint at crucial times.
Good guys will always get shot in the arm or leg.
All Oriental people know Karate.
Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.
Rich people are either unhappy or private detectives.
Teenagers are always smarter than their parents.
There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.
Computers never crash.
When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth.
Bad guys will make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but will leave before finding out if it works.
Christmas Eve and Halloween night lasts for three or four days.
Movies based on true stories are always made up.
Police never wait for back-up.
Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.
Private detective work is glamorous.
All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and two outs.
Everyone wins in Las Vegas.
Nobody on TV has time to watch TV.
Monsters are best hunted down when everyone spreads out and goes out alone instead of in groups.
Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moooo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
The wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, "Bud."
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