Squawks!

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews. Here are some actual complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the maintenance crews' responses.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Reply: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough."
Reply: "Auto-land not installed on this aircraft."
Problem: "The autopilot doesn’t."
Reply: "IT DOES NOW!"
Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Reply: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Reply: "Evidence removed."
Problem: "Volume unbelievably loud."
Reply: "Volume set to more believable level."
Problem: "Dead bugs on winshield."
Reply: "Live bugs on order."
Problem: "Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 fpm descent."
Reply: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Reply: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Reply: "That's what they're there for."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Reply: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

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