These are taken from real resumes and cover letters.
They were printed in the July 21,1997,
issue of Fortune Magazine.
"I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"It's best for employers that I not work with people."
"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience.
"You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
"My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs a 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Marital status: often. Children: various."
"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions."
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."
"References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
Understanding Resumes
Resumes can have midleading information. This guide should help clear any confusion...
Bright:
Wears a lot of yellow and red - usually together.
Intelligent:
Got 3 gold stars for spelling in first grade.
Computer Literate:
Knows the difference between a mouse and a keyboard.
Excellent Communication Skills:
Knows everybody's personal business.
Detailed Oriented:
Will spend eight hours perfecting a two-minute job.
Prompt:
First one out the door at quitting time.
Friendly:
Watch out for attractive members of your staff.
Honest:
King of Gossip!
Dependable:
Can depend on them to be the last one there in the morning.
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