British Socialized Medicine

The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers." Under the government's plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant during the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a "Proxy Father," a government employee, who attempts to solve the woman's problem by getting her pregnant. The Smiths, a young married couple have no children and the government man is due to arrive. Mr. Smith on leaving, says "I'm off, the Government man should be here soon". INSTEAD, however a door-to-door photographer who specialises in baby pictures rings the bell. THE CONVERSATION WENT AS FOLLOWS:

Mrs. Smith: Good morning.

Salesman: Good morning, you don't know me but I've come to...

Mrs. Smith: Oh, you don't have to explain. My husband told me you were coming.

Salesman: Oh? Well good. I've made a specialty of babies, especially twins.

Mrs. Smith: That's what my husband said. Please sit down.

Salesman: Then your husband probably told you that...

Mrs. Smith: Oh yes, we both agreed this is the best thing to do.

Salesman: Well, in that case, perhaps we should get right on with it.

Mrs. Smith: (blushing) Well, just where do we start?

Salesman: Just leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple in the bed. Sometimes the living room floor works well.

Mrs. Smith: Bathroom!!! Living room floor!!! No wonder it hasn't worked for us.

Salesman: Well, lady, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try six or seven times, one of 'em is bound to be a honey.

Mrs. Smith: Pardon me, but isn't this a bit informal?

Salesman: No indeed! In my line, a man can't do his work in a hurry.

Mrs. Smith: Well, have you had much success with this?

Salesman: (opening case and showing baby pictures) Just look at these babies! They're all jobs I've handled. This one took four hours.

Mrs. Smith: Yes, this is a lovely child.

Salesman: But if you want to hear about a really tough assignment, look at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown London.

Mrs. Smith: OH MY GOD!!!

Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They turned out exceptionally well when you consider that their mother was hard to work with.

Mrs. Smith: Oh, she was?

Salesman: Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were all around four and five deep pushing to get a good look.

Mrs. Smith: Four and five deep!!!

Salesman: Yes, and for more than three hours too. But I finally got a couple of buddies to keep them back. I could've shot again before dark, but by that time the squirrels were beginning to nibble on my equipment and I had to give up.

Mrs. Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your ahhh...equipment?

Salesman: Yes, but it's all in a day's work. I've spent three long years perfecting my technique. Take this baby. I shot this one in the front window of a big department store.

Mrs. Smith: I can't believe it!

Salesman: Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll get my tripod.

Mrs. Smith: TRIPOD???!!!

Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It's much too heavy to hold in my hand. Mrs. Smith...Mrs. Smith...Mrs. Smith...Goodness, she fainted!!!

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