You Gotta Have Sex...

...or Die!

An old guy and his wife go to the doctor. The old guy has a myriad things wrong with him, but can't pinpoint anything in particular. After a million tests, the results come back and the old couple is talking to the doctor. The old guy is as deaf as a doorknob, so the wife has to repeat everything the doctor says, yelling it out so the old guy can hear.

Doc: I'm sorry that we've had to do so many tests, but your husband has so many problems, and we had to be sure of our results.

Mr. Smith: Waddee say?

Mrs. Smith: YOU'RE REAL SICK!

Doc: Now, the best things that you can do, Mrs. Smith, is to make sure that he gets his meals regularly, and they should be balanced meals.

Mr Smith: Waddee say?

Mrs. Smith: YOU GOTTA EAT!

Doc: And rest is very important to help rebuild his deteriorating system.

Mr. Smith: Waddee say???

Mrs. Smith: YOU NEED YOUR REST!

Doc: And he needs lots of exercise, aerobic preferably. Sex is a fantastic aerobic workout.

Mr. Smith: Waddee say???

Mrs. Smith: SAYS YOU'RE GONNA DIE!

An eighty year old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!" The man asked the doctor what the problem was.

"Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"

"No, never!" said the old guy.

"Do you drink in excess?" asked the doc.

"Nope." replied the man.

"Do you have a sex life?" probed the doc.

"Well, yes, I do!" admitted the old guy.

"Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life."

Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half...the LOOKING or the THINKING?"

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