Englishmen, Irishmen and Scotsmen

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the Englishman's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers!

The Englishman was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."

The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's ten pounds. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers."

Two holes further along, the Irishman's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either!

The Irishman was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."

With that, the Irishman thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's five pounds. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."

Three holes further on, the Scotsman's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers!

The Scotsman was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."

The Scotsman thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit."

Sydney Olympics

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer throw." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

The Scotsman's Earmuffs

Winters are fierce in northern Scotland, so the owner of the estate felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman. Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the landlord asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?"

The foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty."

"Why don't you wear them?"

The foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, but somebody offered to buy me a drink and I didn't hear him!"

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