Top 10 Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working At A Computer

10: The monitor is up on blocks.

9: Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8: The six front keys have rotted out.

7: The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.

6: The numeric key pad only goes up to six.

5: The password is "Bubba."

4: There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

3: There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2: The keyboard is camouflaged.

1: The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

Windows 98 recall - Texas Edition

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Texas Edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Texas. If you have received the Texas Edition in error, but still wish to use it, you may need some help understanding the special commands and terminology.

The Texas Edition can be recognized by the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98, with a background picture of The Alamo superimposed on a Lone Star flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Durn Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4-wheel drive
Floppies are referred to as them little ole' plastic disk thangs
Instead of an error message, you get a window covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
Other commands and terms differ as follows:
OK = 'ats aw-right
cancel = hail no
reset = aw shoot
yes = shore, g'wan
no = naaaah
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out, heah!
stop = ternit off
start = crank 'er up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff 'at does stuff
documents = stuff I done done
Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.
If you received a copy of the Texas edition, you may return it to Microsoft for a copy of the standard version. We regret any inconvenience this may have caused you.

jessie555@hotmail.com

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