Don't You Love Groaners?
More Puns
The other cowboy replies, "Hey, that's not how you say it. It's ma-HAY-uh," and they proceed to get into an argument about the proper pronunciation of Mexia. Finally they get to town and stop in at a little place to settle their argument. They agree they'll ask the cashier how to
pronounce the name and whoever is wrong will buy lunch for the other. They walk up to the counter and one of them says, "Excuse me, but could you settle an argument for us?" "Sure," replies the cashier. "We were wondering how to pronounce the name of this place, and we were wondering if you could pronounce it for us. But say it real slow so we can understand." "OK," replies the cashier, eyeing the two quizzically. "It's DAI-RY QUEEEEN."
What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France? Linoleum blownapart.
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
Both crews were marooned.
Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank; proving once-and-for-all that you can't have your kayak & heat it, too.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication!
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
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