Bumper Snickers
If Clinton is the answer, it was a stupid question.
Lobotomies for Republicans: It's the law.
Bad Cop! No donut!
A penny saved is a government oversight.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead! He's electroencephalographically challenged.
He's always late. His ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The main reason Santa is so jolly
is because he knows where ALL the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Something To Think About
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit
in a boat and drink beer all day.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
IRS - Be audit you can be!
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself; hire someone; or forbid your kids to do it.
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Those who can't write, write help manuals.
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Clones are people, two.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Gene Police: YOU.. Out of the pool!
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art!
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