More Bumper Stickers and One Liners
INSULTS TO LIVE BY
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
Why don't you allow me to introduce my selves.
And which dwarf are you?
And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ...?
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
I'm sorry, but a hard-on doesn't count as personal growth on your performance evaluation.
You don't look like a fucking people person!
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
You are so narrow minded, you could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their level of incompetence, like you!
You are only young once, but I see that you can stay immature indefinitely.
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
He who hesitates is probably right. In your case, it's definitely right!
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Minnie Mouse was a slow maze learner. Are you related?
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, so park elsewhere!
Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!
Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're ok, you're it.
THE BAD NEWS
If there's artificial intelligence, there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to press on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (Project Management at its best).
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
PESSIMISTIC and OTHER OBSERVATIONS
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
You know what they say about Sprite ... Two-thirds of it is Spit.
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (The corollary is: You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive!)
It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds die they would stay up there...Confuse the hunters.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Nothing is faster than the speed of light...To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
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