Some classic one liners from Stephen Wright...
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever...so far, so good.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't making waves, you ain't kicking hard enough.
Mental backup in progress...Do Not Disturb!!
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence???
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn??
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk??
What happens if you get scared half to death twice??
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with Battery.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing Stock: Cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you your name???
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms.
For sale:: Parachute...Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Okay, so what is the speed of dark???
Corduroy pillows: they're making headlines.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise MY hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
If a car is travelling at the speed of light and you turn the headlights on, do they do anything?
If I melt dry ice, can I swim in it and not get wet?
jessie555@hotmail.com
This page hosted by 
Get your own Free Home Page