DON'T ARGUE WITH THE QUEEN OF THE NILE

One day, the Captain of the 40-oared royal barge goes down to speak to the slaves in the hold of his ship. "Men, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, the Queen will be joining us today for a trip up the Nile." The men cheered and rattled their chains. "The bad news is, she wants to go water skiing."

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

The wolf jumps up and runs away! Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My, what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.

"My, what big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Why are you persecuting me! I'm just trying to take a sh*t!"

One Sunday in church there was a burst of fire on the altar. After all the smoke cleared, there stood the devil. All of the people in church got scared and ran out, except for one little old man sitting in the front pew. The devil walked up to him and asked, "Do you know who I am?"

The old man replied, "Yeah, you're the devil."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" the devil asked.

The old man replied, "Hell, no! I've been married to yer sister fer 35 years!"

D.U.I.
Staking out a notoriously rowdy bar for possible D.U.I. violators, a cop watched from his squad car as a fellow stumbled out the door, tripped on the curb and tried 45 cars before opening the door to his own and falling asleep on the front seat.

One by one, the drivers of the other cars drove off. Finally, the sleeper woke up, started his car and began to leave. The cop pulled him over and administered a Breathalyzer test. When the results showed a 0.0 blood-alcohol level, the puzzled policeman asked him how that was possible.

"Easy," was the reply. "Tonight was my turn to be the decoy"

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates. The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, but occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patient is too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO." St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file.

After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven . . .for five days!"

jessie555@hotmail.com

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page