You know you're in Phoenix when...
Your Christmas decorations includes a half a yard of sand and l00 paper bags.
You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."
You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't remember the name of the incumbent.
You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
Every other vehicle is a 4x4.
You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over l00 degrees.
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
People break out coats when temperature drops below 70.
You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
The pool can be warmer than you are.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
Most homes have more firearms than people.
Kids will ask, "What's a mosquito?"
People with black cars or have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
The AC is on your list of best friends.
Monday Night Football starts at 7:00 instead of 6:00.
You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
You can (correctly) pronounce the words: Saguaro, Tempe, Gila Bend, San Xavier, Canyon de Chelly, Mogollon Rim, Cholla, and Ajo.
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Sun screen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go to Circle K.
Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and other fools will actually buy them.
Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
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