"Have I what?" she asked in a voice that didn’t quite sound like her own. It sounded far away and also sounded as if it were coming out of a throat that seemed to only have a very tiny space with which sound could pass through.

"Made love to anyone in the water before... ever?"

Ebony looked unfalteringly into Mike’s eyes as she answered. "No, I’ve never made love with any other partners in the water before." Then she turned so that her back was facing him.

In that split second of locked gazes, a small glimpse of something penetrated his mind. No, she had never made love with any other partners before, in the water or otherwise. In Ebony’s gaze, Mike had seen so many emotions reflected in her eyes. He saw fear, he saw betrayal, he saw mistrust, and he saw what appeared to be death before she had turned away from him. He was beginning to get an idea about what had happened to cause her to be so skittish around people as well as why she no longer celebrated Christmas. However, he needed more time to really pinpoint what had occurred in her life.

"Is there anything left to tour?" Mike asked, totally shifting tactics.

"Uh, no. There’s the attic and the spare bathroom, which is around the corner off of the living room. There’s nothing much in the attic except some old junk I haven’t gotten rid of yet and a bunch of dust bunnies," Ebony responded in a strangely dull voice. After a moment of silence, she suddenly looked up at him and asked, "Are you hungry?"

"Oh, yeah! I haven’t eaten in about a day or so." Then as if on cue, his stomach let out a loud growl.

With those words, she snapped out of her sudden mood shift, and slapped her forehead. "Oh, man! I’m so stupid. Here you are, all better from your brush with death, and I haven’t even bothered to feed you yet. Just give me half an hour and I’ll have lunch all ready for us. Feel free to do more exploring on your own."

"Call me when lunch is ready," Mike added as Ebony spun around.

"Sure thing!" she called over her shoulder as she passed through the open doorway.

"Oh, and Ebony?" She turned around to stare at him with a questioning look in her eyes.

"Yes, Mike?"

"I... I’m sorry... about what just happened. I didn’t mean for it to come off that way, and..."

"That’s okay," she interrupted. She turned her head to look down at her feet before she softly uttered, "I know that you would never harm me like that on purpose." Then she disappeared.

He stared after her retreating form. Upset with himself for causing her to react that way, he gently punched the wall. He'd probably caused some very unpleasant memories to resurface. Then with a firm resolution to make her life better, he decided that he was going to do some exploring all right. About a minute after Ebony had left the pool room, he walked back into the main part of the cabin. He smiled at her as he passed through the kitchen before disappearing around the corner. He knew that he would probably regret his next action, just like he regretted his previous actions, but he felt that it was necessary in the name of love. Making sure that Ebony was still busy in the kitchen, he snuck down the hallway to the study. Once there, he sat down at her desk and began to study the locked drawer. Taking a paperclip off of the desk, he unfolded it, bending it into a straight tool and stuck it into the keyhole. He then took a hold of another paperclip and did the same thing. While he held one paperclip, he began to move the other one around until he heard the click of the lock.

Removing the paperclips, he opened the drawer and removed the little black book Ebony had been writing in when he'd announced his presence a short time ago. On the cover of the book were monogrammed letters: EMM. This must be her diary, he thought as he began to flip through it. He noted that the beginning date was from about four years ago. I guess she wasn’t able to keep her promise not to write in these things...

Mike rubbed the stubble that he had decided not to shave after his shower earlier. He had a pondering look on his face as he thought about her words, trying to read between the lines at any hidden truths. "Nothing unusual about that," he muttered to himself as he turned the page. His eyes widened a little bit as he read the next passage.

He suddenly lost both of his eyebrows in his hairline as the shocking words penetrated his scalp. What on earth was she talking about now?

With his heart hammering fast in his chest, Mike got a mental image of what it must have been like to be having such a wonderful time in the winter wilderness, the ones she loved the most in the world surrounding her, filling her up with warmth and love; and then suddenly in a flash, everyone is gone. He could imagine her sitting on her snowmobile, letting the wind move around her warmly dressed body. Clumps of snow would have been flying in the air behind her as the treads of the fast-moving machine ground through freshly fallen snow. Two other snowmobiles would have been flying ahead of her, the couple jittery with happiness and love for one another and those that followed. Then, unexpected to all, death traveled around the corner with eighteen wheels. Mike hoped to God that it was a quick death. As for Ebony, to see all of that first hand, considering that she had been the one to take up the rear. What a view it must have been before it was her turn to be knocked from her snowmobile after running into those trees.

"Oh, man. She lost so much of her family on Christmas day! No wonder she doesn’t like to celebrate Christmas!" he whispered to himself. Then he read on at how her aunt and uncle had left some money to her sisters and left most of their fortune as well as the cabin to Ebony. Her parents had basically done the same thing. He read on and discovered that Ebony sold her parents’ house and moved to the cabin after she'd graduated from graduate school. Not much else was written for the year until the end of the summer.

Mike felt a sudden twinge of jealousy, and thus frowned. So she’d found someone. No big deal! He really couldn't have expected her to stay single for the rest of her life after what he'd done to her. After all, that would be silly… her waiting for him and what not. It wasn't like he'd done any waiting for her, or anything like that… not really anyway… Well, maybe he had just a little bit. Not caring one wit about this new man in her life, he skimmed over the detailed parts of this guy whose name was Ryan Damién. He kept his eyes pealed for anything else that could clue him into Ebony’s strange behavior. She did sound happy that she'd found someone, so why was she the way she was now? He had to find the answer, and after reading a few more pages, it wasn’t very long until he found it… if a year wasn’t too long of a wait.

He grinned at the last phrase. Then his grin disappeared as he re-read the entry. He's not the same man… Suddenly, he was filled with a sense of foreboding. There was something about this whole thing that he didn't like for some reason… maybe he was just being silly. Jealousy, after all, did do strange things to the mind. Shaking his head, he continued reading.

Mike had to stop reading for a moment and rub his eyes before he could continue. He re-read those sentences, that sentence, that phrase, that word a few times before it actually penetrated his mind and sunk into his consciousness. Ebony had been RAPED! Suddenly, his hands went cold and he began to break out into a cold sweat. His Ebony, precious, sweet, innocent Ebony… untouched by the horrors of his world had been raped?! He gulped a few times and tried to calm down his breathing before he could continue with the entry.

Mike’s heart was pounding even faster than it had been before as he gently closed the little diary. He sat still for many minutes, not really thinking of anything, refusing to let his thoughts roam for fear he'd do something extremely stupid. He inhaled and exhaled very deeply, trying to keep his mind clear of the images of Ebony being raped. Placing an elbow on the desk, her made a fist and then rested his chin upon it. Finally, after about five minutes or so, he allowed his thoughts free reign. He'd calmed himself down enough so that he could think more clearly. She had been raped and she’d never even told him about it! Sure, they were no longer together, and not even on speaking terms really, but something like that was meant to be shared, not kept as a secret that hung around her neck like a hangman’s noose! Sure, he had done it, had kept deep, dark secrets from her, but he’d had so many experiences like that as a young boy, that people might have been disgusted or even afraid of who he had become as a result. But, Ebony... it didn’t deserve to happen to her! If he ever, ever came face to face with the man who did it, he’d kill him, and that was a promise.

"Mike! Lunch is ready!" she called from the kitchen. Quickly, he placed the diary back in its hiding place and locked the drawer the same way he’d unlocked it. Boy, things were a lot worse than he’d originally thought, and that meant a major reworking of his plans. Knowing the details of what had happened to her made him feel extremely guilty about what he had done in the relaxation zone... the place where she had been raped. He slammed his fist against the desk. How could he have been so stupid?! To do something like that to her! Sure, he hadn't known at the time what the problem was, but he should have known better than to do that to a woman who isn't exactly willing. The disappointment in himself grew more and more as he thought about it. He, however, could not dwell on that fact. He needed to push through the mush in his brain and think of a better plan. Besides, she'd already forgiven him for his juvenile behavior by the pool before she'd entered the kitchen. He needed to focus on the future, not on the past.

Mike gnawed on his lower lip as he walked out of the study. He knew that she still loved him so that could work to his advantage. He wanted so much to be as close to Ebony as they had been back when they attended college together, and that not so long ago time when they'd practically shared apartments. They hadn't been living together, but they certainly spent enough time at each other's place. Since the time of their breakup, he had gotten a lot of his priorities in order, including his chaotic home life. He was no longer under the wing or control of his parents, and that left him with the freedom to reign over his own life. For the first time since his birth, he actually felt in control of his own destiny, and that meant he had the power to include anyone in his life that he wished to have in it. However, the ultimate question was: would Ebony go for it?

As he walked through the living room, Mike thought about the best way to approach her about what he had learned. He couldn’t keep the information to himself now that he knew about it. Sighing, he walked into the kitchen to find the object of his every thought standing at the stove stirring something. He sniffed the air.

"Mmm... Something smells really good," he commented as he walked further into the kitchen.

"It’s chicken alfredo. I know that you were practically raised on chicken, so I thought I would risk trying this new recipe seeing as how I finally know my way around a kitchen," Ebony replied. "Would you mind setting the table? The plates are in that cupboard there." She pointed in a northeasterly direction.

"I’d be happy to!" He easily found the cupboard containing the plates, and he already knew where the cups were located. It took some doing to find the silverware, but he managed to find them on his own. He did not sit down, however, when he finished with his task. Turning to her, he stated, "I need to use the bathroom. I’ll return shortly."

"Okie dokie! I need to make a salad to go with this anyway."

Mike nodded and then made his way out of the kitchen. He didn't need to go to the bathroom any more than a dead animal did. Going back to the study, he picked the lock on the drawer again and re-retrieved Ebony’s diary. He needed to find out what she had written just that day.

Mike put the diary away and closed the drawer, locking it. Okay, so now that his suspicions were confirmed, should he continue on with his original plan, or devise a whole new one? Quickly, he left the study and tiptoed into the bathroom where he then flushed the toilet before washing his hands. While he did this, he knew that sooner or later, he’d have to tell her that he'd read her diary. Now was too premature a time. Once his plan was in full swing, and Ebony was no longer afraid to express her true feelings, then he would tell her. He walked back into the kitchen to find her putting their meal onto the plates. Salad plates with delicious-looking Caesar salad already rested on the table. Mike’s mouth began doing something it had never really done before: it began to water... profusely.

Ebony looked up and smiled. "What took you so long?"

"Uh... stomach trouble I think," Mike lied. He sat down at the table.

"Well, while you were indisposed, I tried to think of some activities that we could do to keep ourselves occupied. Normally, when I have guests up at the cabin, they have their own schedules to keep, and I try to stay as far away from them as humanly possible. You’re different," she began as she sat the skillet back on the stove to warm.

"How am I different?" he asked as he picked up his fork.

Ebony didn’t answer for a moment as she thoughtfully sat down and picked up her fork. Then she slowly placed some food on the utensil and commenced to feed herself. Mike watched the movements intently, and focused in on her lips as she placed the fork between her lips. It was as if his vision were magnified. He watched the intricate movements of her mouth and jaw muscles as they began to move in the mechanical process of chewing. He observed the little movements of her mouth as it seemed to smile a little bit, and then he watched her tongue slowly come out of her mouth and lick off some of the alfredo sauce from her lips. The whole process seemed extremely erotic.

Ebony hadn’t noticed Mike’s intently watchful gaze as she took that first bite. "Why are you different?" she repeated, carefully considering her answer. "You, Mike, are different because we were very good friends once who did so many things together. I was just wondering why that should change between us. I, personally, don’t think that should change, do you?"

It was Mike’s turn not to answer right away as he thoughtfully forked a succulent piece of chicken into his mouth. Then coming to a decision, he put the fork down beside his plate. "Ebony, I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you about something."

"About what?" she asked, not knowing what he was talking about.

"You and me, and the situation with our breakup," he replied.

Ebony had been preparing to take another bite, but she put the fork back on her plate. "Okay. I’m listening."

"I feel that my decision to break up with you was rather," he paused to nervously and uncomfortably clear his throat. Then he continued with: "premature."

"Premature?!" Ebony’s voice went up a couple of octaves as her past anger came bubbling to the surface.

"Please, try not to interrupt me," he interrupted before she could really get going. "As you know from my talks with you when we were together, I always believed that my life was not mine to control, that something else was causing my actions. After I broke up with you, I felt as though I’d cut off my right arm, that I was no longer complete, and I went on feeling that way. I thought maybe it was because I was feeling a heavy load of guilt for pushing you away the way that I did. All those excuses that I tried reasoning out when I was alone as to why we should no longer continue the relationship. They were also a means for me to make myself feel better about ending things the way that I did." He stood up and began to walk slowly around the kitchen.

"Running away from commitment?" she asked softly.

"Something like that," he agreed.

"But, Mike... I told you then that you were under no obligation to commit yourself to me or our relationship. We said we’d enjoy what it was that we had and let the future take care of itself." She said these words softly, not wanting to remember the engagement ring she'd purchased for him, and then desperately sent to him all those years ago. He'd probably thrown it away.

"I know, I know. But I started feeling trapped."

"Oh..." Ebony's face fell. She remembered how he hated being trapped, could never feel trapped. If he ever found himself in such a situation, he always seemed to react as if claustrophobia were squeezing his throat, cutting off all air to his lungs. He could not breathe and thus, forced himself to get out of the situation making him feel that way before something awful transpired.

Mike looked at Ebony for a moment as if analyzing her thoughts. Then he quickly reassured her with his following statement: "No, no! Not that kind of trapped. I was starting to get too close to you, closer than I’ve ever been to anyone in my entire life, and that scared the shit out of me. So I panicked!"

"You broke up with me!" Ebony said with a frown. "You broke my heart even though I told you that I could handle it, if it ever happened. But I also promised you that I would not chase after you, that your decision was final... as long as we would remain friends. And then you stopped writing to me."

"Another mistake on my part. I thought the break up with you would be just as simple as the others in my life, but I was wrong. It only took a couple of days after I stopped writing to you that I really felt as thought I was missing something, but my pride got in the way and I refused to beg for your forgiveness... another mistake."

"So what happened between then and now that made you realize that you are the one in control of your own path?" Ebony questioned after a short pause.

"Something my dad told me after my mother’s death..."