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Once upon a time, a long time ago in an alternate universe where humans did not exist except in fairy tales, animals, plants, and other living things ruled the planet. It was a time of cleanliness, and fun; it was a time when creatures great and small did what they had to do with no consequences, and they had a whole lot of fun doing it. That takes us to the frozen wastelands of a place very similar to Antarctica -- the frozen world of white and ice where only to most adapted of creatures could survive. The most intelligent and social creatures of this place were the Penguins. They were no ordinary penguins either. They had solid black bodies, white cheek patches, and yellow cheek feathers. They were the classiest birds on the ice and they loved to let every other creature in those lands know it.

Every night, they would visit the most high-class clubs and restaurants, and dress up in their best black-and-white tuxedos. They would spend the whole night dancing and drinking, laughing and talking -- just having a grand old time. I guess one could say that by the time the partying was over, these guys were pretty exhausted -- considering that nights lasted for about six months out of the year. When the night of partying ended, they would return to their classy icebergs, remove their classy tuxedoes so they would not get wrinkled hanging up in the closet, and fall into their class way of sleeping: standing up.

They would do the very same thing for the next six-month-long party: dress up in their tuxedos, go out and pain the ice red until the early hours of the night, remove their tuxedos, return home and go to sleep. One night, these fun-loving penguins partied a little to hardy, and the last one to leave was a large King Penguin named Paul. Paul dragged himself to his ice burg in the most classiest part of New Ice City. As he waddled through the noisy ice sheets, penguins greeted him right and left in their drunken tones of squawks and chirps. He would nod, bump into a snow mound, and fall over. Standing, he'd brush off his tuxedo and continue on to his iceberg. Once he finally got there, he was so tired that he just nodded off to sleep and never took off his tuxedo.

The next night (or rather, the same night except twelve hours later -- a penguin needs his beauty rest), Paul awoke from a rather restful sleep with a pounding headache. He could hear from outside that most of the penguins were already in full swing, and he was missing all of it. He had to get his tuxedo out and prepare himself for another good time! When he waddled to his closet, he found that his tuxedo was missing. He looked around all over his iceberg, but it was nowhere to be found.

"Oh! I can't go outside without my tuxedo on! I'll be the laughing stock of the city!" At that point, he passed by his ice-mirror and noticed something quite horrid. "My tuxedo!!" He looked himself up and down. "It's ruined!" Then he looked at himself again, only this time he looked more carefully. "It's not ruined!"

He discovered that there were not creases in his tuxedo from sleeping in it. It still looked brand new! Discovering this, he decided to test a theory that had suddenly popped into his mind. He ran out to the edge of his iceberg and jumped into the icy water. Paul swamp around, cleaning himself off, and then he began to eat his breakfast. He loved fish on ice! Then he returned to his iceberg and ran back to his ice-mirror. Amazingly enough, his tuxedo had no holes anywhere, it wasn't dirty , and wasn't wet! He ran around in a circle so his tuxedo could dry and upon finishing, he discovered that it did not even shrink!

"Wow! I can save so much time getting ready for parties! Wait'll I tell everyone!"

He ran outside, and down the ice sheets, and into the heart of New Ice City telling other penguins his discovery, and everywhere he went they laughed at him. No one believed him! He told his latest flame about what he discovered about his tuxedo, and she got mad at him for trying to fool her. She told him never to talk to her again, and then threw a snowball in his face. He told his best friend, and the poor fellow laughed so hard that he fell into the water. When he got out, he was soaking wet, and he got extremely up set at Paul for making him fall into the water and ruining his tuxedo. He told Paul never to talk to him again. When he told the mayor, the mayor told Paul he ought to call out the police on him. Why would no one believe him! Finally, having gotten fed up with no one believed him, he ran to the center of the Big Iceberg, and released a huge squawk that caught everyone's attention.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlepenguins. Last night when I returned home from the latest party, I was so tired that I forgot to take off my tuxedo." Various gasps were heard from the crowd surrounding him. "When I woke up this night, I discovered no wrinkles and no holes, so I jumped into the water to clean up and eat." More gasps were heard. "When I got out of the water, my tuxedo looked as new as the day I bought it. I dried off by running around in a circle and it did not shrink!" 'OOOHS!' and 'AHHHS' floated up into the chilly air.

"How do we know if you're telling the truth!" yelled someone from the crowd who sounded oddly enough like his ex-girlfriend.

"Watch and learn!"

Paul ran over to his friend who had fallen into the water earlier, and who was still soaking wet. He ran around and around his friend, causing him to spin really fast, and when he stopped, his friend was as dry as a bone. His tuxedo did not shrink! More 'OOOHS' and 'AHHHS" were heard.

"That's not proof!" yelled the mayor.

"What do you want me to do that will prove that we don't have to take our tuxedos off when we go to sleep? Do you realize that if we don't have to take our tuxes off at night that we'd save so much more time getting ready for a night on the town?" No one said a word. "Do you want me to go to sleep with a witness present in my iceberg?" Loud 'yeahs' welled up from the crowd. "Who wants to be the witness?" Suddenly, the crowd parted and Paul's ex-girlfriend waddled forward. "Sheila! I thought you never wanted to talk to me again." Paul gaped at her.

"I just want to prove to everyone that you are a big fat liar!" She walked past him with her nose in her air. All the other penguins pointed after her, waiting for Paul to follow her, so he did.

When they got to Paul's iceberg, his earlier excitement had faded. He was in his iceberg with the penguin he still considered to be his girlfriend, he was with the penguin that he loved, and she hated him because she thought that he was making the whole thing up.

"Are you going to sleep next to me, Sheila?"

Sheila looked at him sharply, but she did not say no. All she did was waddle over to him and start preening her feathers. After a while, she stopped preening and looked up at him. "Are you going to sleep, or what, Paul?"

Sighing, Paul closed his eyes, and tilted his head. He buried his beak beneath his left wing, and started breathing deeply. After a few minutes, he fell asleep. Sheila watched him for a while, and while she did, she began to wonder if maybe she should take off her pantsuit before it got wrinkled, but Paul was still wearing his tux. Should she actually believe his insane idea? While she pondered all of these things, she began to drift off to sleep.

The next night, Paul woke up to find Sheila leaning against him, breathing softly and deeply in sleep. He nuzzled her slightly with his beak, trying to wake her up. "Sheila, it's time to wake up," he whispered into her ear.

Sheila slowly opened her eyes, and looked around. "Where am I?" she asked because she was slightly disoriented, and still half asleep.

"You're with me in my iceberg," he replied. That's when she fully woke up and looked at herself.

"Oh, no! My pantsuit! It's ruined!" she gasped.

Paul smiled at her and shook his head. Then taking her wing, he lead her outside.

"You don't expect me to wash with my pantsuit on do you?!" she screeched at him. That's when he pushed her in. She let out a loud squawk before she landed in the icy, cold water with a big splash. Paul jumped in after her and began swimming around playfully catching fish and then giving half of them to her. She was still quite upset at him for pushing her into the water, but was hungry, and was not about to pass up some pretty good fish.

After a while, they surfaced from the water, and climbed back onto Paul's iceberg. Sheila giggled for a while, but then she looked down at herself. While they were in the water having fun, she had totally forgotten that she was still dressed! "Oh, Paul! How could you do this to me!" She began to cry.

"Sheila, you must listen to me, there's nothing wrong with your pantsuit. Dry off and find out for yourself! You're suit looks as good as new! There are no wrinkles and no holes!"

Still sniffling, she ran around in circles for a bit to dry off. When she stopped, Paul led her back into his iceberg and stood her in front of his ice-mirror. Her suit was not ruined. It was still it's glorious black-and-white, it was still shiny, and amazing to her was that her skin beneath her suit was dry. Her suit was waterproof. This was totally amazing! "We've got to tell everyone!" Grabbing Paul's wing, she waddled quickly out of his iceberg and hurried into the city where she gathered all the other King Penguins to tell them the fabulous news.

When everyone, including the mayor discovered that Paul had indeed been telling the truth, they were speechless with surprise for about ten seconds before great cheers and squawks could be heard all over the continent. The news spread like wildfire: Tuxedos can be a penguin's second skin, parties can be longer, and there can be less preparation time! Paul was commended, and he and Sheila decided to get married. To this day, penguins wear their tuxedos all day and all night never taking them off. It so happened that they wore their tuxedos so often that when they had their first clutch of eggs, and the chicks were born, the entire penguin population was amazed that the children were born with tuxedos already on. Being born with a silver spoon in one's mouth did not occur on this icy wasteland, but being born wearing a tuxedo or a pantsuit was the only way to be born.