"Guys and Dolls", More Like "Skiffs and Cobies"


Each year Paw Prints, our school's newspaper, comes out with the April Fool's Edition. Nearly every article is a joke and, personally, it's my favorite Paw Prints publication of the year. Anyway, Kris Burfitt wrote a funny review of Guys and Dolls poking fun of the acting, casting, and dancing. Here it is:

Are you interested in exciting acting, rousing chorales, and sultry dancing? If you answered yes, count yourself lucky if you did not attend CHS's production of "Guys and Dolls"
For some reason, the casting this year just seemed to be below par. Sophomore stage crew members Matt "Dawson" Colleran and Pete Wood concurred in their opinion that "the actors in past shows always seemeed so much better. This year was a really big let down." Wood, a veteran of mulitiple CHS shows, went on to say, "I saw better acting in 'The Postman'!"
Of course, not all of the casting was completely horrible. The surprising addition of fourth grader Mike Fowler to the cast in the part of sophisticated, Sky Masterson, was a definite plus. Dave Fowler, brother to the leading man, said, "I never had any idea that he was such a great actor. It just astounds me!" On top of this, a freshman female who wishes to remain nameless, added, "He's so hot!"
The other great surprise of the show was sophomore Jeff de Picciotto. Jeff, also a veteran of many a CHS show, sacrificed his "girlish" figure to add a whopping fifty pounds to play the part of Nicely-Nicely Johnson. "You know, we all have to make sacrifices," de Picciotto said. "Mine just happened to be this." Jeff remains confident that after the conclusion of the show he'll be able to regain his hunkish physique, remarking, "You know, I work out."
Senior Brian Hansbury as gangster Nathan Detroit couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. Quite a few theater patrons were seen vomiting after each of his scenes. His awkward acting style caused more than one senior citizen to go instantly blind. When on stage, Brian is both a threat to society and himself.
One would expect more of the dancing in this show. The so-called "Hot Box Girls" all seem to have been born with two left feet. Indeed, they were an embarrassment to the school, Morris County, and the nation at large. This is not due to a lack of effort on the part of the choreographers of the show, Miss Anne Fattal and CHS's own Ms. Kandall; it just seems that the dancers' skills are close to nonexistent. Perhaps they might consider jobs as executioners. They're job description could be, "Able to kill people with horrific dancing!".
So, my advice, try to stay away from the CHS theater scene. Go watch a movie or rent a movie; go bowling; go yodeling or partying in the Great Swamp. Whatever you do, don't be a skiff or a coby, and don't do drugs!


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