1 Forgive yourself for your mistakes

2 Celebrate your strengths and achievements

3 We are so used to negative feedback that we are more aware of our weaknesses

4 Set achievable targets and get regular feedback

5 Change the way you talk to yourself - stop putting yourself down

6 Be sure that you are not judging yourself against unreasonable standards

7 Beating yourself for your weaknesses is self defeating

When you make a mistake, do you say...

• What an idiot! How can you be so stupid!
• Can't you get anything right! What a loser!
• There you go again! You're not really up to it, are you?!!
• Who else has talked to you this way in the past?

Why are you still listening to them?

• You can't change your past, but you can change the way you talk to yourself today.
• Start by making a LONG list of all the good things you have ever done
• Catch yourself saying nasty things to yourself
• Exclaim: Stop it!!
• Say the opposite to yourself, that you have achieved a lot of good things
• Recite your list of achievements to yourself
• Regularly review your list of Shoulds and tell yourself it is OK to be less than perfect
• Convince yourself to be proud of what you have done and of what you are working on

1. Feeling down on yourself

• feeling overwhelmed by the pace of life
• feeling like a failure relative to everyone else
• constantly doubting whether you can achieve anything
• staying where it's safe, being afraid to try anything too new
• behaving timidly and cannot assert yourself
• overly depending on others to look after you
• finding ways of escaping unpleasant realities
• putting little effort into things because you doubt you can be successful
• putting yourself down constantly

• losing your temper at the drop of a hat
• being quick to pick a fight
• blaming others or circumstances for every setback
• constantly finding fault with the world
• being negative - nothing is good, everything is horrible
• taking pleasure in stories about the troubles of others
• taking things out on others
• constantly arguing about petty issues

• We make the mistake of comparing how we feel with how others behave
• Inevitably, most others will behave more happily than we feel
• So we conclude that no one else could feel as bad as we do
• This creates a vicious circle and our self esteem then drops even lower

• confident without being overbearing
• not devastated by criticism
• not overly defensive when questioned
• active and achievement orientated without being driven
• mostly happy with themselves as they are
• not easily defeated by setbacks and obstacles
• able to accept and learn from their own mistakes
• unlikely to feel a need to put others down
• open and assertive in communicating their needs
• self reliant and resourceful without refusing help from others
• not overly worried about failing or looking foolish
• not harshly or destructively critical of themselves
• not aggressively driven to prove themselves
• able to laugh at themselves, not taking themselves too seriously