Dedicated to preserving
the long lost art of body modification in
housepets.
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Method
At only a few weeks of age, a kitten's bones have not yet hardened
and become osseous. They are extremely soft and springy. In fact, if
you take a week-old kitten and throw it to the floor, it will
actually bounce! We do not recommend that you try this at home. The
kitten may bounce under the furniture and be difficult to retrieve,
as well as covered in unsightly household dust. However, the
flexibility of the kitten's skeleton means that if the bones are
gently warped at this early age, they can be molded into any desired
shape. At Bonsai Kitten, we achieve this by placing the kitten into a
rigid vessel soon after birth, and allowing the young cat to grow out
its formative time entirely within this container. The kitten
essentially grows into the shape of the vessel! Once the cat is fully
developed, it is removed (or the vessel broken to remove it!),
producing the lovable, furry pet you've always wanted, but it remains
in the shape you've always dreamed of! There is virtually no limit to
the eventual shape of your pet.
Practical Considerations
At Bonsai Kitten, we are happy to take care of all the little
details and simply deliver to you a fully shaped kitten according to
your specifications. However, for those who have applied for and
received the appropriate Bonsai Kitticulture permits from the U.S.
government, we are happy to provide details of the procedure to those
who want to start from "scratch"! There are three main requirements
that must be considered when making a Bonsai Kitten:
- Air. This ought to go without saying, but you'd be
surprised how many amateurs forget this detail and wind up with a
cold, hard kitty in the morning! If the containment vessel is
sealed, you must drill airholes prior to kitten insertion. A
diamond drill is recommended for glass vessels.
- Food & Water. Especially if the kitten's head is
being shaped (one of the most versatile aspects of the Bonsai
Kitten), it will not be able to eat or drink normally. The most
common solution is another hole in the container with a feeding
tube to the kitten's mouth, where a liquid food slurry can provide
both nutrient and hydration requirements.
- Waste Removal. Left to its own devices, the kitten
would quickly fill its vessel with its own urine and feces,
leading to certain sickness and death, not to mention the
inevitably unpleasant appearance and odor. The best solution is to
seal the kitten's anus with Super Glue prior to insertion, and
then insert a waste tube through a third hole in the vessel. As
the kitten's body is still developing, a natural rectal
diverticulum will soon form around the tube, which can be drained
in any convenient fashion. It's just like a kitty colostomy
bag!
If you have your license to "grow your own", don't hesitate to
contact us for
assistance and also to let us know your results! Our staff are always
happy to help. Remember, you should not attempt these procedures
without the proper training and licenses. Bonsai Kitten will not be
held responsible for the results of any attempts to apply any
procedures described on this web site.
Contact the Bonsai
Kitten webmaster!