he came with his wrists taped & he carried his own coat hanger-i could tell at a glance that he had no need for Sonny Rollins but 1 asked him anyway "whatever happened to gregory corso?" he just stood there-he took out a deck of cards & he replied "wanna play some cards?" to which i answered "no but whatever happened to jane russell?" he flapped the cards & they went sailing all over the room "my father taught me that" he said "it's called 52 pickup but i call it 49 pickup cause i'm shy three cards-haw haw aint that a scream & which one's the piano? " at this gesture, i was relieved to see that he was human-not a saint mind you-& he wasn't very likable-but nevertheless-he was human-"that's my piano over there" i say "the one with the teeth" he immediately rambled over & he stomped hard across the floor "shhhhhh" i said "you'll wake up my No Pets Allowed sign" he shrugged his shoulders & took out a piece of chalk-he began to draw a picture of his kid on my piano "hey now look-that aint what's wrong with my plano-i mean now dont take it personally-it's got nothing to do with you, but my piano is out of tune-now i dont care how you go about it but fix it-fix it right" "my kid's gonna be an astronaut" "i should hope so" says me "& by the way-could you tell me what happened to julius larosa?" a picture of abraham lincoln falls from the ceiling "that guy looks like a girl-i saw him on Shindig-he's a fag" "how wise you are" says i "hurry & fix my piano will ya-i have this geisha girl coming over at midnight & she digs to jump on it" "my kid's gonna be an astronaut" "c'mon- get to work-my piano-my piano-c'mon it's out of tune" at this time, he takes out his tool & starts to tinkle on a few high notes-"yeah it's out of tune" he says "but it's also 5:30" "so what?" i say most melancholy "so it's quitting time-that's so what" "quitting time?" "look buddy i'm a union man "look yourself-you ever heard of woody guthrie? he was a union man too & he fought to organize unions like yers & he dug people's needs & do you know what he'd say if he knew that a union man-an honest to-God union man-was walking out on a poor hard traveling cat's needs-do you know what he'd say d'yuh know what he'd think?" "all right i'm getting sick of you sprouting out names at me-i never hearda no boody guppie & anyway ..." "woody guthrie not boody guppie! " "yeah well anyway i dont know what he'd say, but tomorrow-no if you want a new man tomorrow-like you can just call up & the union 'll send you over one gladly-like i don care-it's just another job to me buddy-just another job to me" "WHAT! you dont even take any pride in your work? i cant believe this! do you know what boody guppie would do to you man? i mean do you know what he'd think o you?" "I'm going home-i hate it here-it's just not my style at all & anyway i never heard of any coody puppie" "boody guppie, you miserable bosom-not coody puppie & get out of my house-get out this instant!" "my kid's gonna be a astronaut" "i dont care-you cant bribe me-i'm bigger' that-get out-get out" ...after he leaves i try playin my piano-no use-it sounds like a bowling alley-i change my No Pets Allowed sign to a Home Sweet Home sign wonder why i haven't any friends ...it starts to rain the rain sounds like a pencil sharpener-i look out the window & everybody's walking around without a hat-it is 5: 3 i -time to celebrate someone's birthday-the piano tuner has left his coat hanger behind ... which really brings me down unfortunately my friend, you shall not get the information you seek out of me, my good man, am not a fink! none of my relatives are or have been related to benedict arnold & i myself despise john wilkes booth-i dont smoke marijuana & my family hates italian food-none of my friends like black & white movies & again myself, i have never seen a russian ballet-also, i have started an organization to turn in all people that laugh at newsreels-so: could you please stop those letters to the district attorney saying that i know who murdered my wife-my principles are at stake here-i would NOT sacrifice them for one moment of pleasure-i am an honest man yours in growth, ivan the bloodburst