Act:3 Scene:1 (Thrift Store)
Caption: "Sloan get ready for the trip..."
(Chris walks into a Thrift Store. He goes to a rack of old T-Shirts he looks through them carefully, he comes to a shirt that says "Hey Gramma! What's Cooking?" He looks at the camera a nods his head).
(Chris is modelling the t-shirt he's chosen in front of a full length mirror in the store.)
(He's doing Rock Kicks. He's also pretending his hands are guns and making "bang bang" noises).
Chris: (unaware of other people in the store he sings)I'm too sexy for my cat! Too Sexy for my car! Too sex-ay by far! I'm a m-m-model if y'know what I mean...
Cashier: (From PA system) Sir...I know you're our best customer, but don't do that. (Shakes head)
Act:3 Scene:2 (Jay's house)
(Jay has a bunch of suitcases open that are being packed)
Jay: (looks up at camera) I guess you're here to find out what we pack, or something?
(Camera makes nodding motion)
Jay: Okay, just snoop around, I guess.
(Camera zooms on suitcase full of caned food)
Jay: Oh, I have allergies, so, y'know
(Camera zooms on Teddy Bear)
Jay: Erm...Leave Billy Bear out of this! This scene is really stupid anyway! You're not even a character, you're a camera! Go bug Andrew or something! (Attacks camera with Billy Bear. Camera falls down, scene ends in fuzz.)
Act:3 Scene:3 (Andrew's house)
(Andrew is sitting on his couch, smoking frantically).
Andrew: (looks up at camera) Uh, didn't Jay explain to you that the whole talking to the camera thing bites?
(Camera nods)
Andrew: Well, you can stick around, (pause), I suppose.
(Andrew, still smoking, brings out folding chair).
Andrew: I was thinking Sloan needs a new attitude, y'know. We need some dancing...I've been working on this for a while now.
(Andrew starts to dance like the Backstreet Boys with the chair. All the while he is quickly puffing his cigarette, he is unenthusiastic as usual.)
(The camera drops on the floor. We hear the camera person runaway get into their car start the engine and drive away.)
Andrew: (Bends down and looks at camera angrily.) What!?
Act:3 Scene:4 (Laundromat)
(the Sign above the Laundromat reads "Hotty Boy Laundromat")
(Patrick walks in and starts separating his dirty laundry. The Laundromat is filled with woman. One of the woman in playing with a pair of thong underwear. She walks up to Patrick).
Laundry Girl #1: Hey, cutie. Wanna take a ride in the rinse cycle? (Makes a purring cat noise)
Patrick: Uh, (raises eyebrow) You can help me separate my laundry here.
(The woman and Patrick start working on the laundry. The woman is working on separating his ‘delicates.')
(Patrick looks at her and raises his eyebrow. A woman sneaks up from behind him and takes his underpants. A catfight breaks out between the two women. Soon the other woman start stealing Patrick's laundry, and fight each other. Patrick sneaks out.)
Laundry Girl #3: (Puts on Patrick's clothes and starts to run around) Woo! Yay! Haha. I got his clothes! (Sticks out tongue at Laundry Girl #4)
Laundry Girl #4: Hey! That is not cool! (Get's Laundry Girl #3 in a head lock)
Laundry Girl #2: (extremely angry)He got away! God dammit!(the cat fight continues)