November 25, 2002
yay! i did it! i wrote 50,000 words in 25 days... the last 10,000 of which I really wrote in the last three days. i have been on the greatest adrenaline rush all day (and yeah, its incredilby hard to type stuff now!). so the question is... now what? for the last twenty five days i've spent almost every minute of free time writing ar at least thinking about writing my novel, and now that it's done, i suddenly find myself with a lot of free time. hmmm... i guest that's what rewrites are for. not that my novel is even close to being done. far from it, actually. towards the end (this morning) i really wanted to just finish, so i started just writing down all the scenes that had been in my ehad, withouth any real coherent connection. in otherwords, it needs a lot of work, and for those of you who might be curious, no, it is far from fit to be viewed publicly!
November 18, 2002
sigh... i guess i have to go to work now. i've put if off for the last half hour, but i think i can put it off no longer...
everyday has been a painful ordeal of dragging myself out of bed and to work. at night i lie in bed just thinking that tomorrow i will have to go to work. it makes me anxious, it makes me unable to sleep. does everyone feel this? or is there still reason to hope that there is the perfect job out there for everyone, or at least a tolerable one!
did anyone else see the meteor shower? yes, i set my alarm for 2 am and dragged myself out of bed and into the cold night air. it was worth it, i think. it was pretty amazing. but the moon was ridiculously bright, hard to see anything.
ok, now i am really just procrastinating. it's 8:01 am. i should have been at work by 8:00 am. i still haven't showered, eaten breakfast, or anything. sigh...
I survived! It has now been a safe 8 days since i saw "the ring" and i am still alive.... After every event like tis, I swear to myself that I will never fear such things again. Oh, what a joke that is!
November 15, 2002
"'freedom's' just another word for 'nothing left to lose.'"
j.j.
November 14, 2002
On Sunday the 10, I saw the movie The Ring. I will warn you: this movie is not for the weak hearted or the hyper imaginative. Take it from me; I haven't been able to sleep well since, even with the lights on. It didn't help that this week's Buffy centered around ghosts.
At any rate, it was got me really thinking about the "afterlife", specifically if there is one, and perhaps more importantly, if there is one, what does it mean for us?
Certain experiences have made me conclude that there is much more than we can readily perceive and understand through our conventional model of matter, and, despite being a rather unreluctant fan of John Edward (please, try to refrain from cringing or bursting out into contemtuous laughter; I do realize that he is the height of cheese) I maintain a healthy skepticism, mostly becaues I want to believe, but will do so only if it is justified. To that end,I attended a lecture the other evening held by Gary Schwarz, author of the book The After Life Experiments. Usually, I steer clear of this new age, "spiritual science" stuff, but honestly, listening to what he had tto say, and if he accurately reported the results of his experiments, then at the very least we must acknowledge that there is something going on that the main stream mind has not considered possible before. More on this later.
November 11, 2002
can't blog... must write!
So far, my writing adventure has been working out. I've charged my progress on my little Excel spreadsheet, and have managed to remain withn five hundred words or so of my target word count. The great thing about this exercise is that when you get stuck, you remind yourself that its really quantitiy, not quality. You just start writing some stuff down, and pretty soon the gates open up again. Sigh... wish I could write all day and not have to go to work...
November 9, 2002
an odd mixture of melancholy and joy. which is not usual for me, really. perhaps it's the fact that it's saturday night, and i'm all alone here at home, but really i wouldn't have it any other way. what does that say about me and my chances in finding a lasting relationship? perhaps it's that bottle of wine that i've consumed, or perhaps it's handel's messiah, which in my mind remains one of the best choral works in history. the perfect blend of dissonance and harmony, of conflict and resolution. which is precisely what i feel. its a bit early in the season; usually i wait until after thanksgiving, but i couldn't resist this time. listening to it now, it never fails to send shivers down my spine, to invoke tears in my eyes. it is just almost enough to make me believe in jesus christ our lord and savior (wouldn't mom be proud) but not quite. i have been feeling incredibly introspective lately. participating in Nanowrimo has given me the excuse to put down in writing the story that has been inside me for some ten years. it's incredibly cheesy, but somehow, it is a part of me that needs to be expressed. i feel that once i have written it out, i can move on, hopefully write more interesting and worthwhile stuff.
a friend of mine and i were talking a few days ago. "What did you wnat to be?" i asked him. "you know," he responded, "i wanted to do something heroic." i completely understood. my goal in life is, of course, to save the world. failig that, i at least want to create something beautiful. ok, i'm really drunk, hence all the misspellings and the waxing poetic and all. i'll return to the story that i'm writing, which, by the way, has been a wonderful feeling. there has been no problem so far (though it's not even a third of the way through)keeping up with the necessary word count. i feel like i just have to start typing and the story comes to me.... lame as it is. anyways, tomorrow it's thai brunch with a group of friends and a trip to see "the ring", which means i'll probably have to sleep with the light on again that night...
November 6, 2002
I admit that I feel a little cheap...
Remember the two writing projects I was talking about? Well, one of them required some research, and this is where the internet gets really handy, but also feels trashy. It is so easy to google a subject, briefly skip a few info pages, gleaning the information you need, and then write your story confidently, like a pro. This is one of the negative effects of the hyperinformation age. Because you can't possibly understand all that you need to know from briefly perusing a few web pages; at the same time, you really do feel like a scholar because there is so much information available. So you write your little piece, interjecting a few key historical points to validate your chosed background, and voila, you have a story.
November 5, 2002
Many things going on this week. I fear I will be busy for this entire month, as I am participating in not one but two writing projects. The truth is, I really want to be a writer. The ugly truth is, I'm not sure I can make it. Besides, I have a feeling it's really unhealthy to be a writer, just recalling the amount of coffee, candy, and ice cream I have consumed in the last five days...
October 31, 2002
how wonderful to experience the unexpected warmth of a passing stranger's smile.
if only i could be so brave.
October 28, 2002
Did you know? November 1 is National Sushi Day. I don't know how, i don't know why, but there you have it. Go eat some raw fish.