1. Some
Clean Jokes
1. 1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't
worry!
..
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and enjoy life!
2. "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person"
.. is like
expecting the lion not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Think about it.
3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but
what we are inside
.. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules
the world!
That's called Attitude...!
.. Keep on rocking!
5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father
did!
6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank, and had no affair.
..
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
..
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to
the Crocodiles!
8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping
from a building, lying on train tracks,
.. But we chose Marriage, slow and sure.
9. Only 20 percent boys have brains,
.. Rest have girlfriends!
10. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or
married to someone else!
11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
..
Ab aap hee bataayen kis kee sune Baapoo kee yaa Chaachaa kee?
12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,
When tears flows from your eyes always say these words...
..
Ae Ganpat, chal Daaroo laa...
13. 10% of all road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
..
90% of all accidents are due to driving without drinking!
2. Some More Clean Jokes
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said
"toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt
yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
Answer:
Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next
question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.
It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more
appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water"
Now proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue
bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made
from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer:
Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks, "what the devil
are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass," Go on
to Question 4.
4. Its twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany
(If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West
Germany and East Germany.)
Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing
that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing
procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time to land and the
plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East
Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany
or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't, of
course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, You are a real dunce and
you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would
not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors",
Now proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are
driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people
get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get
on. In Sweden, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get
off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people
get on. In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive
at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh,
for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
3. Some Santa-Banta Jokes
Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The tablets are walking in the market..
Santa's girl friend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Santa, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to main tujhse hi
karunga!
Santa: Why has the Government fixed voting age 18 yrs and marriage age 21
yrs?
Banta: Government ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko
nahi.
Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery ke liye diye the, ab use pehchan
nahin pa raha.
Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Santa: Why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it.
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo..
Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jahar bharwaane aayaa hogaa...