Heaven and Hell Jokes

Sushmajee
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Heaven and Hell Jokes - 1

1. Electric Chair

Once a person came to Hell and he was taken to an electric wheelchair for execution. There were several electric wheelchairs there, but there was a lot of crowd for one wheelchair. He asked - "What is the specialty of this chair, why there is so much crowd for this specific wheelchair?"

One person replied - "This chair is managed by Indians. Its manager is an IT person who comes and soon goes for a cup of tea and Samosa (an Indian snack) after checking it. Its executioner is always late and its maintenance person is an unskilled person, so sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Lastly, most of the time this chair is not working because electricity is not there, as there is electricity shortage.

2. Opening a Tea Stall Between Hell and Heaven

Once a Baniyaa (this caste people in India are good in business) arrived in Hell. Yam Raaj (the in-charge of death) asked Chitrarath (Yam's accountant of people's Karm) to check his accounts.

He checked his records. It was perfectly in order, balanced, neither more Punya (good Karm), nor more Paap (sins). Now where to send him? Baniyaa interrupted - "If you don't mind, can I speak something?" Yam Raaj said - "Sure".

Baniyaa said - "Give me a place between Hell and Heaven, I can open a tea stall there."

3. Taxi Driver's Confessions...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a bright shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Tell me who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replied, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next it's the minister's turn.

He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom." "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and being a pastor I get only cotton robe? How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed [or he sent those people to Me]."

4. Sorry, I couldn't Recognize You

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. A bright light approached her and as she saw the light getting brighter, she saw God in person approaching her. She wondered if He really was God. "Maybe. This is it..." God, the omnipotent as He is, the omnipresent as He is.

God read her mind and said: "No, No, She is not the woman I asked you to bring." Then He went on to explain His messengers that she had another 30 to 40 years to live. The bright light faded away, God had gone, and the woman began to awake on the operating table.

After her complete recovery, the woman decides to stay in the hospital thinking that as she had to live for another 30-40 years, she should look beautiful. So she got a face lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in to change her hair color. She thought since she had got another 30 to 40 years to live she might as well make the most of it.

After the last operation, as she walked out of the hospital and right in the parking lot, she was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the emergency room. The white light again approached her and finally arrived God before her. She asked, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years to live?" To which God replied: "Rita? Is that you? Oh, dear. I am so sorry, I didn't recognize you."

Created by Sushma Gupta on May 27, 2001
sushmajee@yahoo.com
Modified on 01/01/09