1. Indo-Pak Nuclear War Scenario

This is During the Cold War, that if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way. Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan.

This was their scenario.... ......... ....

The Paakistaan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns. 10, 9, 8, 6, 5, 3, 2, 0... (their commanders cannot count properly.)

Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But before the launch they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.

The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabhaa session. The Lok Sabhaa meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for a quick decision.

In the meantime, the Paak missile failed to take off due to technical failure.
Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand. A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM. Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight. The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of
its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree.

It is three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision. Human chains are formed and "Raastaa Rokos" are organized. In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning - "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Paakistaan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes. A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Paakistaan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it
original destination: Russia.

Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islaamaabaad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc. Paakistaan cries for help.

India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits to Paakistaan.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.
Paakistaan never gets it right.
And we live happily ever after!!!!

2. Politically Correct Jokes

1 - On Attack on the Pentagon
The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: "I'm sorry to hear about the attack on the Pentagon. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything."

2 - Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:
Musharraf - "Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush - "What buildings? What people?"
Musharraf - "Oh, and what time is it in America now?"
Bush - "It's eight in the morning."
Musharraf - "Oops...Will call back in an hour."

3 - Vaajpeyee and Bush Meeting:
Vaajpeyee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman - "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
The barman says - "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says to them - "Hello, what are you guys doing here?"
Bush says - "We're planning for World War 3."
The guy says - "Really? What's going to happen?"
Vaajpeyee says - "Well, We're going to kill 14 million Paakistaanee people and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed - "A bicycle repairman?"
Vaajpeyee turns to Bush and says - "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Paakistaanee!"

4 - A Paakistaanee on the Moon:
Q: What do you call when one Paakistaanee is on the Moon?
A: Problem...

Q: What do you call when 10 Paakistaanee are on the Moon?
A: Problem...

Q: What do you call when a 100 Paakistaanee are on the Moon?
A: Problem...

Q: What do you call when ALL the Paakistaanee on the Moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

5 - When A Non-American Saves an American Girl
A man was taking a walk in Central Park in New York, that suddenly he saw a  little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He ran over and started fighting with the dog. He succeeded in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walked over and said - "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of a little girl". The man said: "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh, I am sorry, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: "A brave American saves life of a little girl" the policeman answered. "But I am not an American either" - said the man. "Oh, what are you then?" The man says: "I am a Paakistaanee."

The next day the newspapers said: "An Extremist killed an innocent American dog yesterday in Central Park."

3. How to Beg More in London?

Parvinder and Habib are beggars in UK. They beg in different areas of London.

Habib begs just as long as Parvinder, but only collects £2 to £3 every day. Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

One day Habib said to Parvinder - "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you
bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day? How come?"
Parvinder says, Look at your sign, what does it say?" Habib's sign read - "I have no work. I have a wife and 6 kids to support." Parvinder said - "No wonder you only get £2- £3." Habib said - "So what does your sign say?" Parvinder showed his sign....  It read, "I only need another £100 to move back to Paakistaan."

4. Concessions for a Member of Parliament (MP)

Parliament is a central government body. An MP is elected from a state on the basis of the population of that state. Their number is certain. Some MPs come from celebrity category, eg authors, artists, film stars, scientists etc. A total of 534 MPs constitute the Parliament. Prime Minister is elected from this body - normally a member of the majority party.

Monthly Salary : 12,000

Expense for Constitution per month : 10,000

Office expenditure per month : 14,000

Traveling concession (Rs 8 per km) : 48,000 (eg For a visit from Kerala to Delhi and return: 6000 km)

Daily DA TA during parliament meets : 500/day

Charge for 1 class (A/C) in train: Free (For any number of times)
(All over India )

Charge for Business Class in flights : Free for 40 trips a year (With wife or PA)

Rent for MP hostel at Delhi : Free

Electricity costs at home : Free up to 50,000 units

Local phone call charge : Free up to 1 ,70,000 calls.

TOTAL expense for a MP [having no qualification] per year : 32,00,000 [ie Rs 2.66 Lakh per month]

TOTAL expense for 5 years : 1,60,00,000

For 534 MPs, the expense for 5 years : 8,54,40,00,000 (nearly 855 Crores)

AND THE PRIME MINISTER IS ASKING THE HIGHLY QUALIFIED, OUT PERFORMING CEOs TO CUT DOWN THEIR SALARIES.....

This is how all our tax money is been swallowed and price hike on our regular commodities. ......This is the present condition of our country:

855 Crores could make their life livable !!
Think of the great democracy we have in India........ ......