1. Don't Lie to Your Wife

When A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We will be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I have been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

He came back from his fishing trip home the following Weekend a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He replied - "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

[You'll love the answer... ] The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."

2. And Then the Fight Started....

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' She sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said to my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Naaah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
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A woman is standing and looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, "Your eyesight is damn near perfect."
And then the fight started..... .
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our wedding anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away the grass with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched her silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
"When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the driveway too."
And then the fight started...
 

3. Why God Made Me Beautiful?

One day, a man said to his wife, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time?" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain it. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. And God made me stupid so that I would be attracted to you!"

4. God Please ! Make Me Women

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 PM and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 PM he was exhausted and, though his daily chores were not yet finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without any complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh Please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned Your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."