An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an IRS agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room.

As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come here?"

The old pastor mustered all his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."

2. Ride to Jesus

It was on the day after Christmas, that the pastor noticed that the Baby Jesus' figure was missing from the cradle. He got worried to see this, that where the figure could go. So he went outside the church that he saw a 5-year old boy standing near the door of the church carrying a red wagon. And Lo, the Baby Jesus figure was in his red wagon.

The pastor asked him - "Where did you get this figure, my dear son?" The boy replied - "I got him from the church." "And why did you take him from there?" The boy again said - "Before Christmas I promised to Jesus that "If you give me a red wagon as a Christmas present, I will give you a ride in around the block." He gave me the red wagon, and I took him to give him a ride around the block."

3. Who Needs the Prayers Now?

A lady came to a priest and said to him - "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say only one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

The lady got very pleased, so the next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots were holding rosary beads and were praying in their cage. The lady put her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots. The female parrots immediately said - "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and screamed, "Put your Bible and rosary away idiot, our prayers have been answered."

4. Sunday School Funnies...

Story of Elijah
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

Lot's Wife
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!

Good Samaritan
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

Did Noah Fish?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"

Higher Worms
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"

Moses and the Red Sea
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

The Lord is My Shepherd
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

Church Smiles
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

Amish Bumper Sticker
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign..." Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.''

Sunday School Message
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said - "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

5. No Such Thing As A Free Lunch...

'The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
Little Johnny wrote a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

6. The Third Fall

A man woke up early in order to have his morning devotion (prayer) in the Lord's house (church). He got dressed, set on his way to the Lord's house. On his way to the church, the man fell and his clothes got dirty. He got up, brushed himself up, and headed home.

At home, he changed his clothes, and was, again, on his way to the Lord's house. On his way to the church, he fell again and at the same spot! He, again, got up, brushed himself off and headed home. At home he, once again, changed his clothes and was on his way to the Lord's house.

On his way to the church, he met a man holding a lamp. He asked the man of his identity and the man replied "I saw you fall twice on your way to the church, so I brought a lamp so I can light your way. The first man thanked him profusely and the two went on their way to the church. Once at the church, the first man asked the man with the lamp to come in and pray with him. The second man refused. The first man asked him a couple more times and, again, the answer was the same. The first man asked him why he did not wish to come in and pray.

The man replied, "I am Satan". The man was shocked at this reply. Satan went on to explain, "I saw you on your way to the Church and it was I who made you fall. When you went home, cleaned yourself and went back on your way to the church, God forgave all of your sins. I made you fall a second time, and even that did not encourage you to stay home, but rather, you went back on your way to Church. Because of that, God forgave all the sins of the people of your household. I was afraid if I made you fall one more time, then God will forgive the sins of the people of your village, so I made sure that you reached the house of God (Church) safely." So do not let Satan benefit from his actions.

Do not put off the good you intended to do as you never know how much reward you might receive from the hardships you encounter while trying to achieve that good. For your righteousness can save your family and nation at large. Do this and see the victory of the lord. If forwarding this message will bother you, or take too much time from you, then
don't do it, but you will not get the reward of it, which is great. Wouldn't it be easy just to press "Forward" and receive this reward?

Praise be to God in the highest.