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Work Related Jokes-1 1. Work Place Negotiations Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer enquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it." 2. Game of Mathematics After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying:-- "My friend, you have not worked here for even one day." The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.Manager:- "How many days are there in a year?" Man:- "365 days and some times 366." Manager:- "How many hours make up a
day?" Manager:- "How long do you work in a day?" Manager:- "So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?" Manager:- "That is so nice of you. What is one-third of 366 days?" Manager:- "Do you come to work on weekends?" Manager:- "How many days are there in a year that are weekends?" Manager:- "Thanks for that. If you subtract 104 days from 122 days, how
many days do you now have?" Manager:- "OK. I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove
those 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?" Manager:- "Do you work on New Year day?" Manager:- "Do you come to work on workers day?" Manager:- "So how many days are left now?" Manager:- "Do you come to work on the National holiday? Manager:- "Do you work on Christmas day?" Manager:- "Now how many days are left?" Manager:- "So, what are you claiming?" Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!! HR=HIGH RISK 3. Height or Length? A team of young budding Managers were given an
assignment to measure the height of a flagpole.
So the Managers discussed and put up a project
plan with roles and responsibilities. The
Manager who was responsible for organizing the
resources went out and got a ladder and a measuring
tape. The tape measure was just the ordinary tape to measure only 6 feet. 4. Universal Laws of the Office... If you can stay calm while all around you there's chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong 14 times gives you job security. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself. Hang in there, retirement is only 30 years away! Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break. Indecision is the key to flexibility. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment. 5. Deadlock Boss said to his secretary : 'For a
week, we will go abroad, so make
arrangements. ' 6. Circular Dear employees,
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Created by Sushma Gupta on May 27, 2001
sushmajee@yahoo.com
Modified on
01/01/09