The monologue here is having the puns highlighted for easier comprehension by us mere mortals. Imagine the speaker talking this at a brisk pace. In fact some of the puns get clearer to us if we speak it aloud. The puns in this talk concern Autos and Automobiles.

Last summer, I went on a road trip. I was gonna take a JETTA, but plane tickets aren’t JEEP. F-150 is all it costs, that’s within my RANGER close, but F-250 is the price, I can’t afFORD that. I’m PORSCHE!

My sister wanted TACOMAlong. There wasn’t much VROOM, but I didn’t want her to throw a FIAT. Push came to CHEVY, and I brought her with me. The whole trip, she kept asking, “How FERRARI?” Then she kept BUGgin’g me to sing the BEETLEs with her. But I don’t really sing. I’m more of a HUMMER.

We stopped at an Italian restaurant to PICK-UP some LAMBORGHINI. Then we stayed the night at the RaMAZDA Inn. I lost my KIA, so my sister and I had to CHEROKEE. The next day, we went to the CAR Wars Museum. We took the R2DETOUR, and I got a TOYOTA. I had my digital CAMRY with me, so I got my picture taken, but since the galaxy was far, far away, they had to ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM.

That night we CRASHED with my friend who lives in this log house with lots of CABIN ROOM. I had to remind myself, “Thou shalt not CORVETTE thy neighbor’s house.” My friend LEXUS play golf with him. That’s why I brought my BACKSEAT DRIVER. I drove my first shot into the water, but my friend’s dog wouldn’t go get it. He just stayed STATIONed WAGON his tail. Turns out, he’s a LAND ROVER.

My fr-- [coughs] AhHEMI Sorry, I STALLED.

My friend works for the circus, and that night, we were walking the elephant, when in the TRUNK, I noticed some suspicious CARgo. I knew I was HONDA something. All of a sudden, some bad guys appeared WHEELding AXLES and LESABRES. I knew this could lead to an ACCIDENT. I didn’t want to be part of any drug TRAFFICking ESCALADES. I didn’t want to be BUSted for PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION! So I decided it was time to get the hell out of DODGE! We made a BRAKE for it, ESCAPED and drove all the way home.

Another Fun

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.