Paul was a Doug Anthony Allstar because he "Needed the money", and they didn't meet at school, they met after school. And not behind the toilets for a smoke, but after Paul had finished up at his boy's Catholic school and the others escaped whatever institution diplomatic corps children were sent.

Paul reeled on my question about why the Doug's made people laugh, "Jeez, that's a pretty hefty question, I've got no idea. I didn't think we were funny. I wouldn't have laughed at what we did, I only did it for the money."

And, I demanded, why did people make Kookaburra and Emu noises and take their clothes off when you told them to? Are people really stupid Paul?

"No, people really got into it, they got very involved. It's not the moment of doing something strange that they felt weird, it was afterwards when they were walking out and wondering why on earth they had just done what they had done. They just couldn't believe that they had behaved in such a way, and for me that realisation was the most interesting part."

"We started a shoe collection on stage one night, and this one chap upstairs threw his shoe down to us. We said 'Of you're so tough why don't you throw your socks down?' Then the socks came flying down. Then it went on - we asked for his shirt, we got that, then came the T-shirt, then we said, 'throw down your brown corduroys, we're not particular', and he threw down his trousers…and I threw them away."

We decided that was pretty mean, but then we had a disagreement about his height, he says he's 4'2". I think that's bull, and he admits to being 5'10". What's a little lying between friends?

Paul thinks that England is a bit like India, that it's alright for some people but not for everybody. But then he thinks it's "very different in Scotland, the injustice of the political system is much more obvious up north. But that's a very vague observation."

Apparently Paul tolerated London by taking lots of drugs. And he doesn't know if there is an afterlife, although he thinks reincarnation is a possibility.

"But they should make it a lot more interesting so that people can come back as inanimate objects. Like a Poo bag - you know, a colostomy bag, or maybe a blackhead remover, or a cat's anal sphincter."

After swapping stories about animals bottoms I ask him what he's going to do now the Dougs have split. "Go back to busking, you make more money from it, seriously. But though I may be poor I'm rich in spirit and I still eat free Krishna meals every second night. Richard is a political analyst, he's already written some fairly substantial pieces for American political journalists. And Timothy is basically an actor, but he's got a bachelor degree in music and he's just finished an opera."

And you Paul?

"I'll probably go back to painting and taxidermy, I really like painting and I find stuffing dead animals quite fascinating. I was fortunate enough the other day to find a bent wing bat, I've been looking for one for ages."

Was it already dead?

"Oh yes, I think it had been hit by a car or something... no... it wasn't dead, but it was after a while" (lots of evil chuckling).

I wish I had never asked.

Backstage one night, Tim Ferguson offered me a very warm beer and was happy to chat.

Soon though he made reference to dropping three purple pyramids and I'd left my Dictaphone at home so we re-arranged our proper interview for the Footbridge Theatre at Sydney University next week. I left. Footsteps pursued me down the stairs and I heard my name being called. It was Tim.

"Can you get us some dope?" he asked. "I don't know anyone around here." I promised to see what I could do.

A week later, post-performance, your reporter was ushered into the Doug Anthony Allstars' dressing room.

Paul entered with Richard Fidler's towel.
Richard [from the corridor]: "Give me my towel or I'll come and get it."
Paul: "Come and get it, come on."
Richard: "I have nothing to hide from you boys."
Tim [conspiratorially]: "That's what we're afraid of, Richard's got a huge dick."

I plough on. It might be just my perception because I've been straighter at this series of performances, but you seem much tighter than before?

Paul: " Well, the ones that you saw while you were drug-addled, let's face it, off your-fuckin-tits on…"
Tim: "…on LS fuckin D"
Paul: "…Timothy Leary's dreamboat drug…"
Tim: "..bit of the 'pot callin' the kettle black' there…"
Paul: "Pretty easy for us to look a bit slack when you're tripping off your skull."
No, I insist, the choreography seemed tighter.
Tim: "The reason for that is that now the UK have broken wild for us, we're playing venues that are very large, and if you're playing to 1500 punters, you can't afford to say, 'Oh, well, a third of the show will be made up.' Particularly when there's a BIG, BIG STAGE with three tiny little boys on it, and a HUGE CROWD staring and waiting."

The Doug Anthony Allstars, Tim, Richard and Paul, met in Canberra while fucking around with punk bands. They had to play out on the streets because soon no venues would have them. They were very violent and stupid and sort of punk in that extremely middle class way that only Australians can do. Eventually they got sick and tired of carrying all their gear around, and opted to just do songs with a couple of guitars. Then the jokes started appearing, and the talking, and the stream of consciousness poetry. They would do things like fill garbage cans with newspaper, set it alight and jump in. and then jump out again. It was all ferociously fast. At the back of their minds they were scared that people might have something better to do, like go off and shop.

And so it evolved. They toured Australia. Toured Britain. Toured Australia. Toured Britain. Toured Britain. Their rude, couldn't-give-a-fuck energy made them particularly popular with students. Many of their gigs were at universities but the Doug Anthony Allstars appealed to any young person who got a kick out of the energy, the anger and the aggression they gave off. They were rude and obnoxious and they would do anything for a laugh.

In 1993 they caused a furore in Ireland with the local paper in Belfast running a front page splash MINISTER SLAMS AUSSIE COMEDY ACT after their show came there.

"We came to Belfast doing a show about Satanism in a spirit of Ecumenicalism, and we brought warring Catholics and Protestants together for once in Northern Ireland, if only for that brief moment in hatred of ourselves. We're very happy about that," was all the Allstars would say.

"The bottom line is Is it funny?" they said. "But then again, that's not the bottom line; we just do a lot of things that aren't funny just to please our selves."

Back in Sydney, Tim was on a high. There was even talk of a DAAS film. "At the moment we're toying with the ides of a road movie simply because in a road movie it doesn't matter how little sense the script makes," was his cunning plan. "People will go and see cars and bikes being smashed any fuckin time of day, for any reason."

Will any of these ideas see fruition? "I don't see why not," he said. "We've been darlings of the American film companies now for years."

And what about The Batman rumour, that you were to be The Penguin's henchmen in Batman Returns? Just bullshit? "Of course it was. We needed publicity, we were doing a big tour."

Last September, the Allstars undertook a series of university gigs as a kind if warm up for a national tour to follow. Rumours of a break-up began to filter through the press with alarming regularity. Richard Fidler agreed to talk about them.

In his Bondi Beach hotel room, a large sketch pad lay open on his desk. On it was an elaborate storyboard. Was this the Allstars' feature film in preparation? No, interactive CD-ROM was now the plan.

So no Martin Scorsese interest then? "No. That would have been nice but it was never really going to happen."

And you didn't appear in Age Of Innocence in the meantime? "Tim appeared in Age Of Innocence as Michelle Pfeiffer's body double. Tim's breasts are quite substantial from working out in the gym, so they're quite attractive. He has to shave them, of course, which explains the shaving nick you can see on Pfeiffer's breasts. That's how you can actually tell that they're Tim's."

And what of these breaking up rumours? "We've been breaking up for 15 years now. We've had more farewell tours than Gary Glitter."

You're enjoying it then? Up on stage it seems like you're having as much fun as us, if not more. "Fun?! Touring is hell! No tour stands out in anyone's memory in the group. We just have this melange in out heads of venues and pornography and angst, horror and tears, and no sex!"

When I last spoke to Tim I got the impression Australia wasn't big on you're list of priorities. As if you weren't being appreciated enough at home. "Well, that was just Tim talking, wasn't it? It's all very well asking him questions like that, but Tim's a complete airhead and he's happy to admit it. Don't look for consistency in Tim's comments. We love the guy, he's a very, very talented young man. But he freely admits that he's an airhead."

Finally it was formally announced. The Doug Anthony Allstars were breaking up. This was to be their last tour. Of course, no-one believed them. Just more pre-tour publicity to maximise ticket sales and ensure full houses. But it really was the end of the road. The management company had already closed down. Richard was to return to England to work on interactive CD-ROMs, Paul was set for New York and Tim seemed content to stay at home and "lie in the backyard and watch things grow."

I caught Tim one last time in Sydney. Why, I asked, are you breaking up? "Oh Look," he snapped, "I haven't fucked anything in the last ten years. I'm sick of being on the road."

And then there was Paul. He'd had no interest in being interviewed. Now, as I caught him grabbing a taxi back to the hotel, he finally offered a word. "Yeah," he said, patting my shoulder, "it has been fun."

How's the tour going over there?
T: Great! It's nice to be back in Australia after spending so much time in the UK.
P: I'm starting to miss London…a bit.
T: You're missing the drugs!
P: Fuck off Ferguson….he's got a point though, you get a better class of drug in the UK, it's 70% bicarbonate of soda over here.
R: I'm missing the warmth and generosity of the British people.
T: Rich is in the middle of a brain transplant at the moment so that's not all he's missing.

So where in Sydney are you performing tonight?
T: We're very proud to be playing the Opera house tonight, we've sold it out.
R: [laughing] That's a lie.
P: Yeah, there are still some tickets available.

You've built up quite a reputation for lying haven't you?
T: That's a damn lie!
R: My mum said that every lie you tell is a step further to hell.

What about telling people you were going to be in the new Batman film?
T: Okay, I admit that was a lie, but it was only a little one, they did offer me the part, but I turned it down.

How about when you announced the death of President Gorbachov live on the Festival radio?
P: That was a fucking joke! Anyway you're on very dangerous ground when it comes to telling lies young lady.

I have no idea what you're talking about
R: Yeah! I remember a certain person telling us that she worked for a local comedy magazine.
T: Impersonating a journalist is a very serious offence.
P: [in an extremely childish voice] You're lucky we didn't dob you in.

We're talking about you not me. What are your...
R: [a voice of disgust] Tim!
T: [laughing] I can't fucking help it.
P: I swear if you fart one more time I'm going to block your arse up with something.
T: You try that again and I'm straight on the phone to Esther Rantzan.
P: He's pit himself on this high fibre diet, he saw a documentary about bowel cancer last night and now paranoia has set in.
T: Piss off midget.

A question for Richard now. Does it bother you that DAAS girlies want to shag Tim and Paul but mother you?
T: You wouldn't think to look at him but Rich gets most of the girls, people think it's because he's 'Sooo fucking cute".
P: But it's actually because he has a huge penis.
T: Yeah, it's bigger than mine and Paul's put together.
P: And it's five times bigger than Tim's on it's own.
R: I think you're being very vulgar, girls just like sensitivity that's why they seem to go for me. They think I'll treat them like an equal person, when actually I'm a bastard.

Paul, does it bother you that people see you as the violent, arrogant one?
P: I really don't give a shit what people think of me.
R: Don't listen to him, beneath that stern, uncaring cover beats the heart of a small child.
P: Mmm...It's the only way we can smuggle them out of the maternity wards without the security guards catching us.

Tim, you used to make up limericks as part of the old shows, are you still capable of doing it or has your old brain seized up?

Reader:- Tim's limerick has been censored as it was just too repellent to recount.

How are the fans taking the split over there in Australia?
R: It's wild! We didn't expect such a reaction. We put a small article in a local newspaper and now two weeks later we've got the press knocking at our door demanding interviews and stuff.
T: The atmosphere in the audiences has changed too, it's as if the Australian people have made a special effort to congregate under a vortex of brotherhood and loving, to be spiritually touched for one last time.
P: It's helped our ticket sales too.

Have you had any fans try to persuade you to get back together?
T: One girl came up to us after a show and offered to sleep with us individually or all at once if we didn't split. We would have accepted but she had a hideous mole under her left nostril, and I just can't root anybody who reminds me of Chesney Hawks.

Reader:- Much as I would love to print the rest of this interview for your enjoyment I'm afraid the task is impossible.Shortly after this point the whole thing disintegrated into fifteen minutes of puerile jokes, juvenile laughter and basic general stupidness. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.