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My Baby's Gone To Jail.
All I'm saying is I think she's a psychopath,
All I'm saying is she needs psychiatric care,
You all know that we've all made mistakes.
All I'm saying is yeah she's got this jealous streak.
My baby's gone to jail, my baby's gone,
Necrophilia.
If you don't believe we're good in bed,
Night By The Sea.
The sun closed her eyes as it climbed in the sky and it started to swelter.
And then she smiled and we talked for a while and we walked for a mile to the sea.
Ten years have gone by since I looked in her eyes but the memory lingers.
Was a hot afternoon the last day of June and the sun was a demon.
Oh Lesbian, Oh Mother.
Oh man, oh male, oh sapien, oh cock!
Oh man, oh male, (I won't be stopped Guardian readers.)
Oh man, oh male, oh sapien, oh cock!
Oh male, you wish to fuck this body.
Oh man, oh male, oh sapient, oh cock!!!! (Her exclamation marks!)
Oprah Winfrey.
Be yourself! USA!
And I'd just like to say,
Oh for a gun oh for a gun,
Oprah Winfrey's the fattest most powerful woman on the planet Earth.
I'll get my guns and ammo,
And there's a reason for my plan,
Party In Hell.
You'll be met at the door by Miss Marilyn Munroe.
Party, party, party in Hell.
Party, party, party in Hell.
The reunion concert of the afterlife,
Party, party, party in Hell.
So come all you dead kiddies,
The Virgin Mary.
Oh the Virgin Mary weren't no virgin when I knew her.
Oh the Virgin Mary didn't need no urging.
Waco.
Yeah yeah
Burn David burn,
Now there's a man who liked his pork crackling.
Warsong.
In the dust and sand of a foreign land.
He flew through the flak on the first attack,
Well the airman plunged into the pines,
And it comes to all in time, boys.
We're A Family.
Cos we're a family, we're a family,
Now Paul I'm so sorry for saying you were short,
Cos we're a family, we're a family,
What Is It You Can't Face?
What is it you can't face?
What is it you can't face?
What is it yoooooouuuu can't face?
Krishna.
My sweet Lord Mahabharata,
Well I used to be a cattle prod for Jesus,
My sweet Lord Mahabharata,
Hari Hari Ha Hooray!
My sweet Lord Mahabharata,
And when Irish eyes are trying to make the Pommies pay,
Thought they'd be hip to smack, maybe enjoy a whack,
Jason and Kylie menage a trois me,
I'll be Mrs Mangle with a revolutionary French Blender,
Kylie and Jason, let's play Freemason,
My baby's gone to jail she won't be out for quite a while.
My baby's gone to jail cos she set fire to my child.
Do you know what she did? She charcoal grilled the kid,
Then took a butane lighter to ignite the little shit!
She threw a radiator into my bubble bath.
All I'm saying is must I paint a picture?
All I'm hoping is that they don't convict her,
She reads books to me by the Marquis De Sade.
I'd like to reprimand her but it's always hard.
Because she's a sado-masochist, an anochistic arsonist.
Manic depressive Dalinist and she gets worse when she gets premenstrual
She spilt tiger balm all through my underwear.
All I'm saying is give her a break!
And if they use the noose they'll crack her pretty neck.
They'll singe her hair if she goes to the chair.
And although she cut my Ovaltine with crack, I WANT HER BACK!
My baby's gone to jail she may be doing life.
She took a twelve gauge shotgun and blew away my wife.
I'll beg the judge to join her in a six foot cell,
Cos cruising singles bars is worse than hell!
She saw my woman and man, she really freaked.
Cut off my wedding ring and took my fingers too.
SO WHAT?!?
Passive necrophilia.
Necrophilia, necrophilia, necrophilia,
Rigor-mortis makes me hard, hey!
If you don't believe we're good in bed,
If you don't believe we're good in bed,
Kill yourself, you'll find out.
That's one for the necrophiliacs out there in the audience.
Was a hot afternoon, the last day of June and the sun was a demon.
The clouds wouldn't break, one tender shape and the sidewalk was steaming.
I told Billy Ray in his red Chevrolet I needed time for some thinking.
I was just walking by when I looked in her eye and I swore it was winking.
She was 31, and I was 17.
I knew nothing about love, she knew everything.
I sat down beside her on the front porch swing,
Wondered what the coming night would bring.
The sweat trickled down the front of her gown and I thought it would melt her.
She threw back her hair as if I wasn't there and she sipped on her drink.
Her shoulders were bared and I tried not to stare as I looked at her softly.
Then she looked at me I heard her softly say,
"I know you're young and wouldn't know what to do or say,
But stay with me until the sun has gone away, and I will chase the boy in you away."
We sat on the sand and the boy took her hand but I watched the sunrise as a man.
I go back in my mind to the very first time and the touch of her fingers.
The clouds wouldn't break one tender shape and the sidewalk was steaming.
I told Billy Ray in his red Chevrolet I needed time for some thinking.
If I asked all the wimmin in the world what it was to be a lesbian,
They would be silent oh mother.
If I asked all the min... (Sorry, 'min' being the derivative of 'wimmin'. Right on sistas!)
If I asked all the min in the world what it was to be a lesbian,
They would speak their small dark and vicious minds for all eternity
(Well we can see that she's a shit poet. Come on, politics override any faults in the writing. I will continue)
Virile vulvic pole-vaulter, creamy contorted control tower.
Penetrating the pink puffy clouds of all wimmin.
Oh man, oh male, oh sapien, oh cock!
Ramrod frothing spring roll,
Dipping, dunking, drooping into the soy sauce bowl of all sistas,
To create a sweet and sour pork.
Oh man, oh male, oh sapien, oh cock!
Siamese eyed invaders, cake decorators,
Squidging, squirting, splodging the cheap white carbohydrates
Upon the wimmins lemon meringue sponge.
(No, actually, make that black forest.)
Oh man, oh male, oh sapien, oh cock!
I reject thee, I reject thee, I reject thee thrice.
Vectulant fist thrust cruelly within the Mother Earth glove puppet.
Front end loader - mining, scraping, hating, defacing,
Filling the unwilling velvet goldmines with splodges and wet wads of baby gravy.
Oh man, oh male, (Look at them squirm sistas! Look at all the men squirm! Seeing a strong woman on stage, finally)
Oh sapien, oh cock!
Loading laden ladles lavishing lumps of creamy hairy white sauce,
Over the woman's chicken Maryland hairyland.
You wish to fuck... it... now.
Well thou shalt not,
Thou shalt not not not not not, thou shalt not... (Thou maybe son...)
Thou shalt not ... thrice.
Oh man, oh male, oh sapien, oh cock!
Single headed dog pissing on the fallopian tree.
Pink and purple Pajero family wagon riding around the vulvic cul-de-sac.
Oh man, oh male, oh sapien, oh cock!
You total sexist bastards - get out of our lives!
That's right, no more Mr Nice Girl!
Sistas are doing it to themselves!
Phil Donauhe we love you.
Sally Jessie Raphael the southern belle is oh so swell.
But oh for a gun oh for a gun,
Oh for a gun just to kill, kill, kill, kill,
Oh for a gun oh for a gun,
Oh for a gun just to kill Oprah Winfrey.
Hi, my name's Carolina North.
I'm from North Carolina!
Be yourself!
I don't know how many of you people know this,
But even as I speak I am being sodomised by a ghost.
Hey! Let her finish!
In my previous existence I was Queen Nefertiti of Egypt.
Me too! Me too!
And at the moment I am a member of the Latter Day Chanellers.
Hmmmmmmmm!
That there ought to be a law against you shooting off your mouth.
I don't invite you in,
But you still get into my house.
You've got the world upon your shoulders,
And a weight upon your mind.
Tell you something Oprah Winfrey,
There's more weight on your be...
Oh for a gun just to kill, kill, kill, kill,
Oh for a gun oh for a gun,
Oh for a gun just to kill Oprah Winfrey.
It takes the entire Guano Canal and three Kansas wheat fields to feed Oprah every day.
Oprah Winfrey, you are the gross national product.
And cruise down to LA.
I'll ask you for your autograph,
And blow you away.
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
When the cops pick me up and take me to the station,
I'll tell them very simply that I did it for the nation.
Something that they do not know.
The silver story of my life,
And guest star on Geraldo.
Oprah, Oprah, I want to turn you off.
There's a party in Hell and here's the invitation.
You'll be met at the gateway for this celubrious occasion.
Don't be late the ferry leaves at twelve.
It's a guaranteed pleasure cruise,
For all dead boys and girls.
She's still smoking heavily so the bruises do not show.
The guest of honor's JFK,
He'll be talking through his head.
And Bing Crosby's telling jokes,
He's not sure that he is dead.
While the Gandhi's are trying to be the Kennedy's of India,
And it's three for three,
And no one knows who will be the winner.
Lucretia Borgia's swapping recipes and calling herself Ms.
As Jim Jones from Jonestown hands 'round the raspberry fizz.
It'll be dead keen, it'd be dead fun.
Yeah your life is over,
But your death has just begun.
So come on down and party on,
Come on down and get it on.
Hell is other people and all of them are you.
Is playing right down Dante's alley.
The crowd puller for this evening,
Is Mr Elvis Aaron Presely.
There's Roy Orbison on lead guitar,
Ricky Nelson's, well most parts.
And Lennon's playing flute again,
Through the hole in his heart.
While a lime soaked Mozart is up to his old antics.
Quoting the corpse of Janice Joplin,
While writing symphonies in her panties.
And there's a quiet girl in the corner no one saw her enter,
But it's Sharon Tate about to sing the great 'Helter Skelter'.
Around the dead world.
Life's a bloody bore,
And death's a bloody ball.
So dig a pit and climb in,
Dig a pit and cover it.
Toll that bell there's a party in Hell.
Oh the Virgin Mary weren't no virgin when I knew her.
She'd been round the traps a couple of times,
With the men from Herod's troops.
Had the mind of a child, and the body, body, body of a sewer.
The Virgin Mary weren't no virgin.
I heard somebody say,
Burn David burn.
Waco inferno,
Burn David burn.
Burn the commune down.
Waco inferno.
Burn David burn,
Set my kids on fire.
WOOOMPH!
With a downwind blast from his doughy ass,
Like a lance of fire he shot up the mast.
As he mumbled blasphemous epitaphs,
"I am the sailor."
And the captain cried with a mighty heave-ho "Enemy sighted on the starboard bow.
Load your cannons, let 'em go.
For God is on our side, boys."
With hands afire he buried his friend.
He beat his brow and cursing foul he said:
"I am the soldier"
And the private laughed as he reached the bluff,
His gun barrel smoking, enough's enough.
We've done more damage than old Macduff.
And God is full of pride, boys.
The bomb bay open on a missiles back.
Here's the payload, he crudely spat,
"I am the airman."
And the General sighed "This is our last stand,
Let every man say 'Amen',
For we'll not see daylight again.
And tonight we'll meet our God, boys."
And the sailor drowned in the briny brine,
And the soldier in haste put his foot on a mine.
For on the day they died, boys,
God was on the other side, boys.
Boys when I saw you fighting it nearly broke my heart,
These sorts of arguments tear a family apart.
Now I'm almost speechless but this much I'll say,
Let's stick together at least until we get paid.
It's a family affair,
And we're gonna stick together even if we're not there.
So put down your guns,
Cos the fun's just begun,
I'm the father (Tim),
I'm the mother (Rich),
And I'm the bastard son (Paul).
And ugly and stupid and lousy at sport.
And filthy and degenerate, a nitwit and you're rude,
You've got no fashion sense and you play with your shit.
It's a family affair,
And we're gonna stick together even if we're not there.
Though we don't like to boast,
We're closer than most.
I'm the father (Tim),
I'm the son (Rich),
And I'm the Holy Ghost (Paul).
Ooooh!
Ooooh!
There'll be things you can't know,
Things you can't see.
Places you can't go,
People you can't be.
There'll be words you can't say,
There's no disgrace.
As you travel through life,
There'll be things you can't face.
What is it you can't face?
What is it you can't face?
What is it you can't face?
What is it you can't face?
What is it you can't face?
What is it you can't face?
(Transcribed with the assistance of Katrina.)
Set 'em up, break 'em down,
And pass the cup around,
It's the last that we will share for quite some time.
I've shaved my head- wear a dress,
I've left my bonnie wife,
I've got Krishna riding shotgun on the stagecoach of my life.
Got my ticket to Nirvana,
It's a commune just left of county Cork.
Share a pint with me Lord Shiva,
As we read the Bhagavad Gita,
I'll have Krishna riding shotgun on the stagecoach of my life.
And L. Ron Hubbard took me in some too.
I was a moonie, loved Charles Manson,
But they are not as handsome,
As the godhead whose skin is shining blue.
Got my ticket to Nirvana,
It's a commune just left of county Cork.
Share a pint with me Lord Shiva,
As we read the Bhagavad Gita,
I'll have Krishna riding shotgun on the stagecoach of my life.
I chant it every day,
With my virtue tucked proudly in my lap.
And I pray all night to Krishna,
'Cos he's a damn good listener,
And never ever ever answers back.
Got my ticket to Nirvana,
It's a commune just left of county Cork.
Share a pint with me Lord Shiva,
As we read the Bhagavad Gita,
I'll have Krishna riding shotgun on the stagecoach of my life.
We'll get Krishna and his shotgun to join the IRA,
The IRA- the IRA,
Hari Hari Ha Hooray!
Kylie & Jason.
I won a big prize in a magazine.
A night in Ramsay Street,
With what's-his-name and Charlene.
I sat there eagerly with my private invitation,
My thoughts were filled with bizarre initiations.
This couple oh-so-sweet, naive and innocent.
Their ideas of fornication would make Lady Di look bent.
But they were real nice kids,
So I tried a different tack.
I pumped up their hearts with love,
And mind expanding drugs,
And made a proposition with a rubber glove,
I thought they'd need convincing,
Then Kylie started mincing and Jason was expanding,
When I said I'd ride 'em tandem.
Let's get together and we'll practice making babies.
Jason can play Ken, Kylie plays Barbie,
And when I start playing Rin Tin Tin,
They'll both learn how to doggie. Ruff ruff ruff!
And they called it 'Puppy Love'.
Kylie can be the Bastille and then Jason can defend her.
And poor old Daphne in a car crash died,
Now maggots eat her corpse from the inside.
They're just as good in bed as on the TV screen,
Young intellectuals will know what I mean.
I'll chase you 'round the house while you wear silly aprons.
I'll be the wife who doesn't understand,
It's not the clothes that make the man it's the handshake.
1-2, 1-2-3, 1-2-3-4 hey, hey!
Jason and Kylie, e tu brute.
They're just like Free Range Eggs, they're a damn good lay.
We made real fine threesome each one of us inside us,
And when you root like that nothing can divide us!
1-2, 1-2-3, Jason & Kylie for me!