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That's Life.
[Paul] That's life,
[Mark] I've been a puppet,
[Paul] I've been up and down and over and under,
[Mark] That' life, [Paul - Oh, yes that's life]
{Mark} - You know what Paul? You know what?
[both] That's Liiiiiiiife!
Lucky.
Early morning
And they say 'isn't he lovely
Lost in an image
And they say 'isn't he lovely
[ringing bell sound effect]
I,I,I-i-i
[G-eNW, says goodbye
And they say he's so lucky
Time... has come... to say........ 'Goodbye'
O.C.P.W.N.F.T. (This Is Not A Test)
Sandy: Did you know the human body is made up of 90% praise?
Time to relax,
Vanessa Amorossi: I like my men short and spikey, it doesn’t bother me if they smell.
Flacco and the Sandman,
Flacco: Ocpwnfpt, no
Come feel fine,
She's Too Beautiful
I’m sorry she deceived you,
She’s too beautiful for you,
Do you really think she needs you,
She, she let me see,
She’s too beautiful for you,
And I know this to be true,
She’s too beautiful for you,
Everything And More.
She took your hands when she caught your eye,
Hey!
She took the bridle and ate into your funds,
You were once in the pink now you're into the black,
Hey!
On on and on she goes,
La la la la-la-lah,
Cracklin' Rosie.
Cracklin' Rosie get on board
Hitchin' on a twilight train
Oh I love my Rosie child
Cracklin’ Rosie get on board
Oh I love my Rosie child
Cracklin' Rose you make me smile
I’m just a hunk o’ hunk of burning love
Paul and Mark Trevorrow sung this on the final GNW in November 2000 - thanks to Sharlene.
[Mark] That's life,
That's what people say.
[Paul] You're riding high in April,
Your big bag burst in May. {Mark - 'hate that'}
[Mark] I'm gonna make them change their tune, {Paul - 'If anyone can, you can. I'll tell ya'}
When I buy that milkbar in Lismore round about June. {Mark - 'Two kids at a time school bags outside'}
Funny as it seems. {Mark - 'You know what Paul?'}
[Mark] Some people get their kicks from stepping on your dreams. {Paul - 'I know that feelin'}
[Paul] I don't let it get me down, way down,
[both] Cause this old world keeps on spinning round.
[Paul] A pauper,
[Mark] A pirate,
[Paul] A poet,
[Mark] A pawn
[Paul] And a queen. {Mark - 'Yes, alright!'}
And I know one thing.
[Mark] Each time I find myself flat on my face,
[both] I pick myself up and get back in the race.
[Paul] I can't deny it.
I thought of quitting but my lungs wont let me try it.
[Mark] If I didn't think it was worth a try,
I'd roll up.... [Paul - Roll Up.....]
I'd roll up.... [Paul - Roll Up.....]
I'd roll up.... [Paul - Roll Up.....]
I'd roll up.... [Paul - Roll Up.....]
Rooooooooolllllll [Paul - Aaaaarrrrrrrhhhhhhh]
And diiiiiiiiiiie. [Paul - Roooooollll and die]
{Paul} - What?
{Mark} - Don't think of it as the end of anything. You know what they say?
{Paul} - No?
{Mark} - They say, the dogs bark and the caravan moves on!
{Paul} - I think I heard that on holiday on the south coast?!
Paul and the cast sung this on the final GNW in November 2000 - thanks to Sharlene and Anthea.
[Doop, Doop Do, Do, Doop, Doop Do, Do...] (repeat, then repeat x 2 in background during monologue)
{This is a story, 'bout a boy called Paulie, a show called Good News Week, 'bout Mikey & Julie}
He wakes up
Knock Knock Knock on the door.
It's time for make-up
A perfect smile
It's you they're all waiting for
this Canberra boy'
And they say he's so lucky
He's a star
But he cry, cry, cries in his lonely heart
Thinking, if there's nothing missing
In my life
Then why do these tears come at night
In a dream
But there's no-one there to wake him up
And the world keeps spinning
And he keeps on winning
But tell me - what happens when it stops {'Oh my God the shows over!'}
this Canberra boy'
And they say he's so lucky
He's a star
But he cry, cry, cries in his lonely heart
Thinking, if there's nothing missing
In my life
Then why do these tears come at night
{Ted - 'Cut! That's it. It's a wrap.}
{Paul - 'Thankyou very much everyone, That's it. We're over. Thank God, because we've done it about a thousand times. That's 169 shows}
{Mikey - 'Hey Paul, that's 223 with specials.}
{Paul - 'Ladies & Gentlemen - Mikey Robbins!}
{Mikey - 'Hey Paul. With the specials - that means in the past 5 year, we've made over 3 hours of quality television}
{Paul - 'Thankyou. Whoo, yeah, 3 hours}
{Julie - 'That's true Ladies & Gentlemen. That's true.}
{Paul - 'Ladies & Gentlemen - Julie McCrossin!}
{Julie - 'But Mikey.... but Mikey, It's not the amount of time that's important, it's the way that we've brought love to the people's lives. That's what's important!}
{Mikey - 'Oh yeah, yeah}
{Paul - 'Yeah. Thanks very much Julie. And the amazing thing is in all of that time we never asked anything for ourselves}
{Mikey - 'So Paul...}
{Julie - 'What would we ask for?}
{Paul - 'I don't know - The respect of our peers! {Mikey - 'Yeah} A decent retirement package! {Mikey - 'Yeah} A Logie would've been nice, don't you think - a Logie would've been nice!}
{Mark - 'And the Logie for the best new talent. The Logie for best new talent goes to.. oh no! They've spelt you're name wrong}
{Paul - 'No - Shit}
{Mikey - 'Yeah look. It says Sandra Sully..... Alright!!}
{Paul - 'Whooo. Thankyou!}
{Rove - 'Hello I'm Rove McManus here for the official Good News Week Closing Ceremony. I feel like little Nicky Webster up here. It's been a fantastic 5 years and congratulations to the Good News Week team. And what a fitting way to send it with this 12 hour spectacular. And what a night it's been! Who can forget some of those classic moments - Paul risking his life in the spinning fire of death - Kate Fisher finally giving in to her feelings for Flacco - and those 12 hilarious comments I made that ended up on the cutting room floor - it was a glorious night, but as they say in the classics 'Oh my God Macauley. You're home alone.' And in some of the lesser known films they say 'All good things must come to an end.' It is with deep regret that I announce 'Good News Week has left the building!'..... Oh no wait they're coming back! Hang On!}
I,I,I-i-i
I,I,I-i-i
I,I - Isn't he lucky this Canberra boy
G-eNW, says goodbye
G-eNW, says goodbye
G-eNW, says goodbye] (repeat in background to last line)
He's a star
But he cry, cry, cries in his lonely heart
Thinking, now there's something missing
In my life
Time has come to say...
.....He's so lucky
He's a star
But he cry, cry, cries in his lonely heart
Thinking, now there's something missing
In my life
{Paul - 'Thankyou very much}
This was the 'theme song' from the pilot of Paul and Mikey's show, Paul & The Fatman. Thanks to Jess.
Come feel fine we’re kicking it,
Sunshine we’re having a good time.
But then everybody’s got a different way of looking at it.
If you’re low then baby let it go,
Start moving with the flow.
But hey, everybody’s got a different way of looking at it.
This is not a test.
This is not a test.
This is not a test (This is not a test).
This is not a test.
This is not a test.
This is not a test (no, no, no, no!).
Mikey: If a spoon full of suger doesn’t help the medicine go down, you could try a leaf blower on full power.(I don’t know what that means, but it’s good).
Paul: Never eat anything that’s been in a cow’s mouth.
Chris (from The Living End): Two heads are better than eight noses.
Paul: Is it, is it bad when you have black urine? Is that bad? Oh, two heads are better than one buttock. Cause I’ve been, it’s just been really weird lately.
Marcia Hines: He who laughs last probably just didn’t get it.
Tim Rogers: I’m a musician, me don’t do funny, I can bearly handle talking.
Scod: Tim Rodgers stole my line.
Scod & Yon: Bad Gatsey, Bad Gatsey.
Scod: I’ve always wanted to do this. Bad Gatsey.
Yon: What? Work with a puppet.
Jimeoin: A rolling stone will gather Kate Moss, eventually.
And lean right back.
Take it a view you leave your mind when you find,
There’s nothing else you can do,
Ocpwnft, ocpwnft.
This is not a test.
This is not a test.
This is not a test (This is not a test).
This is not a test.
This is not a test.
This is not a test (no, no, no, no!).
Julie: It’s only when I’m with him that I know what it truly feels like to be a woman.
Sandy: Don’t try and roll up a grassy hill that’s just been mowed, because when you get to the top you look like a crummed saussage.
Angela Bishop: Have you ever notice that people seem to find pandas more attractive than pandas find each other?
Paul: Forewarned is forearmed, and four armed is the hindu god shiva.
Tory Musset: Surrounding yourself with dawarves does not make you a giant, however you could pass for Snow White.
Tim Rogers: An ounce of prevention has a current street value of $200.
Wendy Matthews: Genetic research is progressing so rapidly, just think what’ll happen when we learn to clone a geneticist.
Yon: People say you shouldn’t talk with your mouth full, but it’s even more impressive if you try and swallow with your mouth open.
Mikey: What about them Dutch hey?
The Sandman and Flace.
They’re still hanging round,
We put ‘em both in a hessian bag,
But they just wouldn’t drown .
Sandy: No, nfpt. Go now.
Flacco: O
Sandy: C
Flacco: P
Sandy: W
Flacco: N
Sandy: F. Say the T.
Flacco: T
Sandy: good.
Jimeoin: It’s a wise man who knows Einstien’s theory of realitivity.
Tory Musset: OCPWNFT? What the fuck does that mean?
Sandy: Waiting is a good hobby for people with no other interests.
No drinking til sunshine come.
Have a good time,
But then everybody’s got a different way of looking at it.
Ocpwnft, ocpwnft, ocpwnft, ocpwnft.
Paul: Breakage in aisle number 4, breakage in aisle number 4.
Ocpwnft, ocpwnft, ocpwnft.
Paul sung this on Good News Week Night Lite in August 1999.
I’m sorry that she hurt you,
I’m sorry that you cried.
I’m sorry that she wounded,
Your substantial pride.
And I’m sorry,
Sorry that it never worked out,
But hey, what does these days?
I’m telling you the truth.
She doesn’t lie because she needs to,
Only when it suits.
And I’m sorry,
Sorry that it came to this,
But hey, that’s the risk.
Yeah, she’s too beautiful for you.
No matter what you say and do,
Or the hells you put her through.
She’ll be too beautiful for you,
She’s too beautiful for you.
To cultivate her mind?
Lift her out of the gutter?
Or validate her life?
Well I’m sorry,
Sorry that she’s nobody’s fool,
And hey life is cruel.
What she could see.
Her loving light,
Led me through the dark,
Pathways to her heart,
To be deceived.
She’s too beautiful for you.
No matter what you say or do,
Or the hells you put her through,
She’ll be too beautiful for you.
Yeah I know this to be true.
For there was once a time when she,
When she was too beautiful for me.
She’s too beautiful for you.
No matter what you say or do,
Or the hells you put her through,
She’ll be too beautiful for you.
She’s too beautiful for you.
Paul sung this on Good News Week Night Lite in November 1999.
Huh!
All she wants is everything and more,
You gave her love but where's the encore?
You feel lost where you felt secure,
All she wants is everything.
La la la la-la-lah,
La la la la-la-lah.
She questioned your faith and your reason why.
Stole your breath when first you kissed,
Now you need an accountant not an analyst.
Your in so deep only down is out,
She drained your soul like your bank account.
Every bond has been destroyed,
How much more nothing can she add to the void?
On on and on she goes,
Where it stops no one knows.
On on and on she goes,
Where it stops no one knows.
On on and on she goes,
Where it stops no one knows.
Your friends all know who the trousers are on.
You mind's made up,
Your zip's undone,
Hey everyone.
La la la la-la-lah,
La la la la-la-lah,
La la la la-la-lah,
La la la la-la-lah.
So much ceiling and you're not on your back.
All you kept was a sense of loss,
And the growing knowledge of a beaten cost.
She had her cake,
She ate it too,
And she cleaned her plate with a piece of you.
Swallowed the carcass and dumped the remains,
Now she's taken your words so you can't complain.
On on and on she goes,
Where it stops no one knows.
On on and on she goes,
Where it stops no one knows.
On on and on she goes,
Where it stops no one knows.
Where it stops no one knows.
On on and on she goes,
Where it stops no one knows.
On on and on she goes,
Where it stops no one knows.
La la la la-la-lah etc.
Paul and Mark Trevorrow sung this on Good News Week in May 2000. Thanks to Xavier for the lyrics.
Paul: I just want to say that not everything in life can be reduced to a Neil Diamond Song
Mark: Well quite frankly, I think it can
Paul: You know you could be right..
We're gonna ride till there ain't no more to go
Takin' it slow, girl don't you know
I had me a time with a poor man's lady
Ain't nothing here that I'd care to take along
'Cept maybe a song (really can I come?) yeah!
To sing when I want
Don't need to say please to no man for a happy tune
(tamby)
She got the way to make me happy
You and me we go in style
Cracklin' Rose you're a store bought woman
You got me singin’ like a guitar hummin'
Hang on girl,
Our song keeps runnin' on,
Play it now, play it now, play it now my baby
(Paul be my back up chick)
And girl, if it lasts for an hour, well that’s all right
We got all night
(It won’t take all night, you’re a two minute man)
To make the world right
(You mightn’t even wake up darling)
Find us a dream that don’t ask no questions
Yeah!
She got the way to make me happy
You and me we go in style
Cracklin' Rose you're a store bought woman
You got me singin’ like a guitar hummin'
Hang on girl,
Our song keeps runnin' on,
Play it now, play it now, play it now my baby
And girl, if it lasts for an hour, well that's all right
We got all night
To set the world right (back off!)
Find us a dream that don't ask no questions yeah!
Oh babe!