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Cukold
This cukoldation has cukoldified me,
I am now a cukold.
Her cukoldastic tendencies,
Ikea
I think they must,
I'd have to learn about plastics,
You feel so good,
There's no electrical problems,
I think that I,
A Shandy Too Far
I went a shandy too far,
Comfortable bed,
She went a shandy too far,
Take my advice,
Because we went a shandy too far,
Cowboy X
Let me tell the story that was told one time to me,
Gatesy: That does look like riding on a horse, doesn't it?
He's embellishing by saying that it was a dusty trail,
Yon: Well actually strictly speaking, to say the least would be to do this- uu...
No one knew where he came from,
Rah rah he! Rah Rah yah!
He rode a horse, a great black steed,
Brought before a judge or jury,
There he goes,
I'm not sure of the details but the story must be told,
Whoa... *bird noises*
Farewell Madge
I never dreamed you'd go,
Madge you were the weakest link,
Craig MacLaughlin came back to pay his respects to you,
Somewhere you're soaking in it.
Madge you were the weakest link,
So goodbye, say goodbye.
I arrived home early,
She thought that I'd be late.
And my girlie,
Wasn't waiting at the gate.
I climbed the stairs,
The stairs that I had climbed a hundred times before.
And there, I heard a noise behind the bedroom door.
A silent prayer escaped my lips,
As if I knew what was in store.
I tore the bedsheet off,
And there she was with another man.
I looked into her eyes and then I knew,
I am now a cukold.
She cukolded me.
When your love is loving someone else,
A cukold will you be.
And cukoldentally I'm culkoldised by her cukoldity.
Cukoldish me, life has taken on a cukoldastic twist,
I should've seen,
When I looked at her,
She was a cukoldist.
She cukolded me.
When your love is loving someone else,
A cukold will you be.
Have brought me to my knees.
Oh please, I reminisce on my pre-cukicious period.
And these cukolditory things have made me post-cukoldic,
Ah cuk!
I feel like such a cuk-head.
I think that I,
Want to try,
Getting work with the guy,
Who makes the plastic television sets for Ikea.
So they can put them on show.
Cost a lot.
They look real and they're not.
They're only fake,
And they put them on the shelves at Ikea.
So when the customers go,
And wonder what the stuff would look like at home,
It's all set up so they know.
And all the industrial techniques.
I could branch out on the sideline,
And make plastic food,
That you can't eat.
And plastic trees,
But my first love is TVs.
You don't think,
There's a lot that's at stake.
I'd serve the world by making plastic stuff for Ikea.
The stuff that isn't for sale.
You feel so good,
So at ease,
There's no crime or disease,
My plastic stuff would make the customers feel happier.
Plastic world at Ikea!
With a plastic CD player.
And you can't hurt your back,
Carrying a hollow fridge.
You'll never see a single murder,
There's no violence on the blank screen of the telly.
Plastic printers don't use paper,
Not a single tree is killed.
Want to try,
Getting work with the guy,
Who makes the plastic television sets for Ikea.
Table for one,
Preferably out of the sun,
Somewhere where it's quiet.
And a coffee too,
Better make it black right through,
I'm feeling fairly shite.
I don't think I have enough class,
To handle drinking from a glass,
Get me water in a plastic cup.
I woke up in the bed of someone who I just never thought I'd do.
I know I went a shandy too far,
I wonder where I left my car.
A shandy too far.
Shame about the pain in my head.
Where'd I leave my shoes?
Well there just over,
Underneath my underwear.
Where'd I get this bruise?
I can hear her come down the hall,
And bang her head upon the wall,
And wish she didn't have appalling luck.
I woke up in the bed of someone who I just never thought I'd do.
I know I went a shandy too far,
I wonder where I left my car.
A shandy too far.
In a crisis,
Catch a taxi, catch a bus.
If there is one thing you should never do,
It's trust yourself.
Because there's a caveman inside,
Your brain's just coming along for the ride.
You'd think I'd learn.
I don't know at all,
When it will be safe to call.
We used to be quite friendly,
But this could be the end.
I woke up in the bed of someone who I just never thought I'd do.
I know I went a shandy too far,
I wonder where I left my car.
A shandy too far.
Thanks to Fiona Rohana!
Whoa... Rah rah he! Rah Rah yah! Rah rah he!
Scod: Could you not do that please?
By people who had had it told to them.
By their forefathers...
And their foremothers.
It was a little eight person travelling troupe,
Of story telling parents,
But that's not the focus of the tale.
What's important is the story of a stranger who came riding on his horse,
On the dusty trail.
Scod: It looks like doing something to a horse
But I think it's pretty safe to assume,
That the road building methods of the time would have been quite crude,
To say the least.
But you get the idea.
No one knew who he was.
But presumably his parents and a few childhood chums,
Knew him.
Scod: Gatesy! We've talked about this
Gatesy: Ahh! But i wanna do this!
Scod: You're wrecking it for everybody.
Gatesy:I'm just trying to give everyone a yah!
Yon: They don't want the yah!
And Sprirt was his name.
The horse's name, not the bloke's.
The finest gambler in the county,
He broke all the ladies' hearts...
I'm still talking about the horse
The man rode round performing acts,
That may have broke the law,
Or angered someone in some other way.
So subsequently, he was inevitably
Brought up with some stable county appointed figure of authority or local strong man,
One fateful day... or night.
He may have been put to death.
Or he may have escaped,
In some exciting way.
Or boring way...
Like a legal loophole
Riding into the sun.
He dissolves into a vapour as he nears the burning orb.
Or maybe it's just a metaphor
Yes, definitely a metaphor.
Of this man, or maybe woman's, destiny.
But the lesson to be learned,
Is before you tell a story do one thing...
Do your bloody homework.
Thanks to Fiona Rohana!
Madge you were the weakest link,
So goodbye, say goodbye.
In Harold you found your amore,
But life has punched you in the face,
Just like Tony Libratore.
So goodbye, say goodbye.
Thought you'd live in my telly for a hundred years more.
But all good things must end,
I haven't been so sad since Rachael Friend left.
Madge with your gravelly voice and your steel wool hair and your toilet brush legs,
And your paper neck. I'll never forget your paper neck
Scod: Paper neck? You're a weirdo!
Gatesy: You know that with that gravelly voice, I reckon Madge'd make a fortune with that phone sex stuff. 'Oh Harold I'm taking off my bra...'. It'd be pretty cool.
So goodbye, say goodbye.
In Harold you found your amore,
But life has punched you in the face,
Just like Tony Libratore.
So goodbye, say goodbye.
Taking time off from his busy schedule with Check-1-2.
Kylie was OS, Jason was OD.
Madge with your bottle shaped wrists and your silver polished spout and your leather eyes,
And your paper neck, I'll never forget your paper neck.
Scod & Gatesy: Yon! Enough with the paper neck!
Gatesy: ...and she did not have a silver spout!
Yon: she did too! Didn't you see Scott and Charlene's wedding? She had one especially installed for that.
Scod: Yon, shut up! Um.... Sleep
Gatesy: Yeah, sleep... sleep...
Madge, Madge you're soaking in it.
I know you're not the same Madge,
But none of us are the same now,
Since you gave in your badge... Madge... Madge.
So goodbye, say goodbye.
In Harold you found your amore,
But life has punched you in the face,
Just like Tony Libratore.
From one weakest link to another (say goodbye...)
And the other thing we forgot to write was the ending (Say goodbye...)