The Colonel has ordered Bertorelli to sleep with Gruber. After all, the Italians wanted to join the war - they must take the consequences! However, Gruber, objecting to Bertorelli's snores and longing for his old privacy, pays for the Italian Captain to stay at the Cafe Rene.
Meanwhile, the General learns that Von Smallhausen has reported Herr Flick's arrest to Uncle Heiney, and a big stink is brewing in Berlin. Panicking, Von Kinkerhoffen decides on a cover-up. He orders all relevant documents to be destroyed, and Flick to be killed. Gruber and the Colonel are to disguise themselves as Gestapo officers and "rescue" Flick, so that he can be "shot while escaping." Gruber and the Colonel, however, are less than convinced that a cornflower in their hats will save them from a hail of bullets. A sunflower, perhaps, might... They agree to sneak Herr Flick out themselves.
Helga and von Smallhausen have their own plans. At gunpoint, Helga "persuades" Rene to help by disguising himself as Heinrich Himmler. Of course, Rene is taller than Himmler, fatter than Himmler, blader than Himmler, and does not speak German, but Helga heaps scorn on such nitpicking. The ruse processes very well, especially after Helga advises Rene to hide his lack of German by responding to any remarks by hitting the speaker with his whip.
Once inside Herr Flick's cell, the Germans treacherously turn on Rene,
leaving him chained to the wall in women's underwear while Herr Flick leaves in
Himmler's uniform. The scene is set for Lt. Gruber to find Rene in a rather compromising position...
DRAG ALERT: Herr Flick and Rene both sport red satin corsets and knickers, tastefully set off by black stockings.
"May I kiss you?" "I will leave at once for Switzerland, on the bicycle which is in the bedroom of my wife's mother." "Do you expect me to walk all the way to the chateau with a bad leg?"
"What, kiss me? Chained to the wall and dressed in women's underwear? Of course."
- (Herr Flick and Helga add to their imaginative experiences.)
"You will not get ten yards."
"How do you know?"
"I can shoot ten yards."
- (Helga explains the concept of loyalty to Rene.)
- (the Colonel, taking his Gestapo disguise rather too seriously.)
Gruber rescues Rene, first disguising him as a lady sergeant (German female soldiers apparently being allowed to grow moustaches once they reach the rank of sergeant.) Rene returns to the cafe - as Alphonse puts it, the bravest transvestite in all France.
Helga, for her part, is given a special Gestapo award for her role in rescuing her fiance. She is also permitted to kiss Herr Flick until she becomes giddy with ecstacy. A mere peck suffices for her to reach the giddy point, forcing Herr Flick to break the long habit of his relationship and become giddy with ecstacy by kissing her himself! However, this romantic state of affairs does not last long. Herr Flick catches Helga standing him up to have dinner with General Von Klinkerhoffen. Driven insane with jealousy, her arrests Helga and takes her way for lengthy interrogation.
This state of affairs forces the General to seek other company, specifically Yvette's. However, she is busy. Michelle requires camera film, and it seems that the only possible source is Colonel von Straum. Yvette, with the flying helmet and wet celery, has convinced the Colonel to photograph her in her scanties, giving Mimi a chance to nick the film.
Rene is sent to find and photograph the plans. His search for the safe leads him to Lt. Gruber's quarters -
while Hubert is taking a bubble bath. "Rene! What a lovely surprise!" Rene gallantly continues the search for the
safe, but perhaps it was unwise to let a dressing-gown clad Lieutenant
discover him crawling about his bed... An air-raid warning sounds in the nick of time, and Rene declines to join Hubert
in his closet.
This is the only episode in which Herr Flick kisses Helga, rather than the other way around! DRAG ALERT: Rene begins the episode in red satin, and adds the uniform of a lady sergeant.
"There is no reason to cease your jollification just becuase a senior Gestapo officer in a particularly bad mood has just entered the premises." "In my bog I have a kack." "I am to be rescued by Lt. Gruber, the one who fancies me.
I would rather not be rescued by him, but war makes strange
bedfellows... Oh, I wish I had not said that!" "The walls are thick, the door is stout - why are you waving
your potato about?"
Also, Gruber sings "Can't help lovin' dat man o' mine" and "If you ever get across the sea to England."
- (Herr Flick displays his kindly side.)
- (Crabtree attempts to explain that in his bag he has a cake.)
- (Rene's regular update.)
- (Gruber makes chit-chat with Rene.)
Love (or other, less high urges) are in the air even more than usual in this episode...
Helga, redesplendent in her best black and silver underwear, has had a very interesting 24 hours strapped to a chair in Herr Flick's office. Under such intense interrogation, what lover's quarrel could survive? Mutual excitement results in a reconciliation. Herr Flick promises to restrain his jealousy and allow Helga to snuggle up to the General, keeping her ears and eyes peeled for any hint of a plot to assassinate Hitler. Naturally, Helga immediately snitches to the Colonel. He is quite willing to believe in Von K's guilt, and also asks Helga to spy on the General.
An intimate dinner is arranged between Helga and the General. There are limits, however, to Herr Flick's trust of his beloved, who has a tendency to only resist hanky-panky "as long as I am able." Much to her fury, the liasion is accompanied by romantic music, provided by two rather familiar-looking gypsy violinists...
Love is also developing in Alphonse's studio - especially after Alphonse dobs in a certain cafe owner and his senior waitress. But Michelle has more serious plans for her less-than-enthusiastic supporters - Rene must risk more than life in Lt. Gruber's bedroom and have another go at snapping the war plans. The plan is, of course, simple - Edith and Yvette shall drop smoke cannisters down Gruber's chimney, and Rene and LeClerc will burst through the window, dressed as firemen.
It is unfortunate that the two ladies entrusted with the cannisters are more
concerned with matters of marital (in)fidelity than accuracy. The smoke bombs are
dropped right in on the General's intimate dinner party. Meanwhile, Lt. Gruber has just
phoned a message to Rene inviting him for an intimate dinner of his own, when Rene bursts
in through the window!
DRAG ALERT: Michelle looks very butch in a fireman's uniform.
"You should be grateful that the RAF bummers are still farting for freedom." "Now, we shall begin. What is your real name?"
- Crabtree (who else?)
"Bobby Cedric Van Samllhausen."
"GET OUT! I will repaeat the question. What is your name, Helga?"
- Herr Flick learns some of the drawbacks of the duller interrogation techniques.
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