Joke A Day------------Snow White Camera Joke:

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Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she had to get the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said, "Don't worry, someday your prints will come".

Joke A Day------------Store Manager Suit Joke:

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When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.   "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"   "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" The manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."

Joke A Day------------Butcher Free Till 16 Joke:

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It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"

Joke A Day------------School Unicycle Joke:

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When at school, a friend of ours had to work late shifts to be able to support his family. The thing to do at the college at the time was riding unicycles, and Dan had become good enough at it that sometimes he would borrow the "School Unicycle" to ride the couple of blocks to his job. One night, he left about 1:00 a.m. and as he was passing a bar, two drunks had stumbled out to sit on the curb. When he rode by, he heard one drunk remark to the other, "That's the weirdest bike I've ever seen. It's missing a wheel." "Yeah, well," mumbled the other, "he has to be drunk, because he hasn't noticed that he lost his handle bars!"

Joke A Day------------Pay Attention Tommy Joke:

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My teacher is really giving me a tuff time." the eight grader was telling his Father. "Handle it this way Tommy." the man advised. "Take special care with your personal appearance and attire. Pay attention

in class. And do your assignments and homework promptly." "I really don't think that'll help Dad." the youngster rejoined. "She hissed at me during study break that she's 3 weeks overdue."

Joke A Day------------Subway Strangers Joke:

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I was in the subway today when I felt a hand in my pocket. I turned to the owner of the hand and asked, "What are you doing?" He said, "Looking for a match." I asked, "Why didn't you ask for one?" He said, "I don't talk to strangers."

Joke A Day------------Man From Home Work Joke:

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A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going, and she replied... I'm going away from here." He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him,"I just found out that I can make 400 bucks a night doing what I give you for free". He pondered that Then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch and his wife. She said,"And just where do you think you are going?" He replied, "I'm going too". "Why?" She asked. He said,"I want to see how you you are going to live on 800 dollars a year!".

Joke A Day------------Kindergarden Class Farmer Brown Joke:

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The kindergarten class was on a tour of Farmer Brown's

spread. A little boy, about five, comes tearing out of

the pig pen yelling, "Teacher, teacher! Come Quick. Look,

there's a great big, big pig, and ten little pigs are

blowing her up!"

The preacher was describing the day of judgment.

"Lightning will crackle, thunder will boom, rivers

overflow. Flames will shoot down from the heavens. The

earth will quake violently, and darkness will fall over

the world."

A small boy in the front row turned to his father. "Do

you think they'll let school out early?"

Joke A Day------------Jon Dude Ranch Joke:

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Did you hear Jon wound up at a "Dude Ranch" for the

summer? Yep. And as usual, he was dumber than a box

of rocks. The cowboys all figured this out in short order when

they showed him a lasso.

"This is for catching cows", one of the cowboys said.

Jon returned, "Well, what do you guys use for bait?"

Joke A Day------------Employee Firing Jack or Jill Joke:

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An office manager had money problems and had to fire an employee, either

Jack or Jill. He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work

the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early. Then

the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee

break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. So the

manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break -- strangely,

neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day; they both ate at

their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait and see who would leave

work the earliest, and both employees stayed well past closing. When

Jill finally went to the coat rack and the manager went up to her and

said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you

or Jack off." Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late

for my bus."

Joke A Day------------Office Boy Shredder Joke:

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The new office boy stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary walking by asked.

"Yes," he replied "how do you work this thing." "Simple," she said

quickly taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it to

the shredder. "Thanks," he said as he watched the report disappear, "But

where do the copies come out?"

Joke A Day------------Hillbillies New York Joke:

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These two hillbilly's were vacationing in New York. They went into a

coffee shop for lunch. A little while later they noticed

a woman at the next table was choking on her food, so they ran over to

her and one of the hillbilly's dropped his pants and

bent over while the other knelt down behind him and began to lick the

other guy's ass-hole. The woman looked over and saw

this and immediatle spit up the logged food. Afterward, one of the proud

hillbilly's said to the other, "Yep, that hind-lick works

everytime!"

Joke A Day------------Jon Graduation Diploma Joke:

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It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma

but Jon. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up

and shouts "Let Jon graduate, let Jon graduate!"

The principal agrees to give Jon one last chance. "If I have

five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Jon,

how many apples do I have?" he asked.

Jon thought long and hard and then said: "Ten."

And the entire senior class stood up and shouted "Give Jon

another chance, give Jon another chance!"

Joke A Day------------Long Line Clerk Joke:

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After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines , surly

clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor

vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son.

I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register.

"Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.

"Cash," I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness , I

explained , "I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle

bureau."

"Shall I giftwrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are

you going back there?"

Joke A Day------------Tourist Car Break Down Joke:

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A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps

out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he

hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff

out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!"

"OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."

Joke A Day------------Lawrence Skydiving Joke:

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Lawrence was an unlucky sap. Having just spent megabucks on a skydiving

class, he dove out of the airplane and pulled the ripcord. The chute

emerged, tangled, and he cut it free. He then pulled the cord on the

reserve chute, and it also was tangled. He prayed to his God and looked

down to the ground below. To his amazement, a woman was coming up with

equal velocity. "Hey, you know anything about parachutes?" he shouted

to her, as they passed by. The reply: "No... you know anything about

Coleman stoves?"

Joke A Day------------Doctor & Plumber Joke:

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Doctor comes home and finds he has no water so he calls a

plumber.

The plumber walks in and has the water back on in 5 minutes.

The plumber turns around and hands the doctor a bill for

$275.00.

The outraged doctor stammers "I'm a Neuro-surgeon,not

some damn dumb plumber, and I dont even make that much

for 5 minutes work!"

The plumber smiles and says "Yeah, I know, I didn't make that

much when I was a Neuro-surgeon either"

Joke A Day------------Four Men Judge Joke:

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Four young men stood before the judge with the

seriousness of accusations against them having been

explained to them.

The first man says, "Your Honor, there has been a terrible

mistake. I work at a stocking factory and tuck socks,

so you see, I am a sock tucker." The judge told him he

was free to go.

The second man stands and says, "Your Honor, there's

a mistake here, too. I work in a cork plant and I wet the

cork all day so that makes me a cork soaker". The judge

dismisses this case, too.

Third man stands in front of the judge and claims his

innocence. "Your honor, all I do is put Coca-Cola in bags,

so I'm a Coke sacker".

The judge throws that one out and admonishes the

baliff, "What the hell is going on here? We've had a sock

tucker, a cork soaker, a coke sacker . . ."

And the fourth man says, "Don't worry your honor, I'm what

you thought those other three are!"