As the commercial fadded away the newsroom comes into focus. Hope McCoy is seen sitting alone at the news desk.
HM: Roger wasn't allowed to be here today. You'll know why in a minute.
Cut to tape...
GC: come on Melissa, you know you have been wanting to do this for a long time.
(slowly pan various items of clothing thrown all about the bushes)
GC: That's it. Good. You got it.
MM: I don't see why we can't use the washing machine Goddess, beating clothes against a rock is not what I had in mind when I mentioned laundry. Besides, don't we have an event coming up?
The scene then cuts away to Team Cheerios trying to quiet down TJ who was fed way too many cookies and donuts for breakfast. He just keeps singing REM's "The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite," especially repeating the line "I can always just sleep standing up!" Also the background shows the image of someone running through the shallow surf. A voice is heard yelling "pirahna!" The runner screams.
The blurr of motion that is seen next is what was later explained as a fifteen minute struggle where Bello and Tower wrestled ice tongs from Darth and had to restrain him from chasing Erin with them.
MP: : Jeez, wonder where he got that from? Freeeeek!
Debbie:(punches Matt in the side of the head) Like you don't do the same thing to me every time we're over at Melissa's. You get near water and your wierdness meter goes nuts.
MP: : Oh, I forgot. (smiles) Besides, like you're above the temptation of strangeness? I don't care what The Heckler says, never once have you gotten a fortune cookie harrassment note from one of my restaurants! No "Pay and get out, round eyes," no "I peed in your rice."
Debbie: All the news that's fit to print, buster, all the news that's fit to print. (Smiles and elbows her team mate)
GC: listen up! As Goddess and participant I'm telling you the rules: The first team to catch a fish wins. Now strip, we're doing it the old fashioned way.
There was a silence. Except for a "woo-hoo" from TJ. It wasn't in jubilation. He was singing Blur's "Song number 2."
GC: You heard me. Do it! Do it! Do it! No peeking, I don't want to have to blind anyone.
MM: (thinking to Matt Ha Ha!)
GC: That goes for you too Bard!
MM: Doh!
Trancer: (thinking Ha Ha!)
GC: Who said that?
No one made a sound, but everyone got prepared for nude fishing and made it shoulder deep into the water without incident of blindness or peeping tom-ness.
(shortly after everyone kind of gathered together in their teams)
MM: Matt, get back over here. You most certainly are not floating away.
Debbie: and you are not floating towards Team Look-a-Leick.
Matt's head bobs back toward his team. He's grumbling to himself.
MP: : lousy team mates. They ask me why I want to defect. I tell them cause I sometimes gotta do something for *me*, but noooo, halfta wear pants around the house, havta shower before noon...
Debbie: (To GC) Um, I don't want to doubt you, Goddess, but...Is a pond full of naked people an impulse decision of yours?
GC: hardly. Look around at the boys.
Debbie turns and looks at the assembly. The womenfolk were gathered together, talking and wondering what they were gonna do about catching a fish. One never knew what kind of fighting hellfish GC might have stocked the water with.
However, the men did their best to stay a few feet away from the women and eachother.
Debbie: Why are they doing that?
HL: (head bobs over to Team Callisto) Simple. Matt said it was shrinkage.
Debbie: Well, then why is Matt floating around like some great sea urchin?
MP: : (urchining by Doctor's orders.) (BG)
HL: (once Matt is out of earshot) As if. (whispers so GC can't hear) He talks huge, but remember when he got pissed (drunk) last january at Melissa's birthday? He kept claiming me in the name of Spain? Then he was yelling at Melissa and pointing to Casila, saying "Bathe her and bring her to me!"
MM: (laughing) then you went over and called him on it! Man, you planted a big ol smooch on him and he passed clean out! Speaking of whom, look who's trying to backfloat.
HL: (places fingers to lips and emits a really good wolf whistle) WooHoo, looks like we got six more weeks of winter!
GC: LOL! (GC, not savvy to internet jargon and acronyms, sadly said the letters L,O and L) Anyway, with the men too terrified that they might, um embarass themselves -- all except for the free radical twin of yours, Bard; which is good that he's on our team -- us women are free to take control of this event. We're girl heavy, Team Callisto. We can't lose.
Matt drifted around the pond, avoiding the other men. There tended to be warm spots.
The event officially began when Wesser in a suprise initiative dove under the water. Shrinkage or no shrinkage, he wouldn't be out-fished by anyone.
Then the splash fight began. Eye witnesses say that it either began with Matt, Trancer or Melissa. It was eerie, as if on some unspoken cue, those three let loose with the splashing.
Seraphix, who was a master at water ballet had the best chance of both catching the fish and winning the slash fight. It's hard to out splash someone who can use all available arms and legs cause there was no need to touch the bottom.
Here we really need to slow down the tape and run it split screen. On the screen to your left is Team Callisto. Everyone is standing in a circle scrambling to get a hold of *something*. Goddess Callisto looks up at Matt. She's rather shocked, he's rather purple with embarassment. The words I-d-i-d-n-'t-m-e-a-n-i-t! pour slowly out of his mouth as Callisto's fist hits his face and forces him back into the water, she dives after him, hoping to drwon him.
Here in the right screen shows Team Cheerios. TJ has moved to "Superfreak" by Rick James and is trying to keep it up as cadence as Mad Catter, Stephen, SunLady & Dingane struggle with something under the water.
At the same time, Melissa pulls up from the water's surface--
At the same time, Stephen pulls up from the water's surface--
a salmon.
an eel.
Cut to newsroom--
Generic News Guy: havoc erupted at centennial park when a lake full of apparent nudist Environmentalists erupted into an inferno over a competition of sorts. The violence centered around wether or not an eel was a fish or not and the apparent "rights" of a suspected frozen salmon. Pictures are unavailable at this time and Police Chief Jeff was unavailable at this time.
In other news, Congradulations to our very own Melissa Monson, Mayor of New Cirra on her gold medal winning performance in some water sport or another.
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