ER: Doug and Carol Series

Story #35 continued

Daybreak

by: Courtney

"My place or yours?" Carter asks Anna as they pull out of the hospital parking garage that morning.

"Well, that all depends," she says. "Do you feel like doing battle with the cockroaches this morning?"

He smiles, "My place it is then," he says. "You know, I still don't see why you won't just move in with me. I mean, I have a perfectly good three bedroom apartment with a terrific view and, most importantly, a no bug policy."

"Well, you don't really have to think of them as bugs," Anna says. "You could think of them as . . . pets," she offers with a coy grin.

"Anna, come on, I'm being serious here. You know you're more than welcome to move in with me. I'd love it if you did, actually," he turns to look at her and smile.

"Watch the road, John," she says.

He gives her an exasperated look. "You know, it's not polite to avoid people's questions like that."

She sighs. "It's just . . . God John, I don't know if I'm ready for this yet."

He pulls up in front of his building and stops. He turns to her and grabs her hand. "Anna, you know how I feel about you . . . I thought you felt the same way."

"I do . . ."

"So, what's the big deal about us moving in together?"

"The 'big deal' is that it is a big deal," she tells him. "I've never lived with a man before. Well, unless you count, Everett."

"Everett?" Carter asks, a look of confusion on his face.

"Yeah, my college roommate."

"In medical school? I thought you lived in the sorority house?"

"I did. Everett and I shared an apartment my sophomore year, just before I joined the sorority."

"Really? Why is it I've never heard you mention him before?"

"Oh John, you can stop turning green," she grins. "Everett was just a friend." Carter nods, obviously not so convinced by this. "Look, he was a dance major, a *ballet* dancer," she emphasizes.

"Are you telling me he was . . ."

"Oh yeah!" Anna laughs. "He definitely was!" she shakes her head with a smile. "He was great though, you would have liked him."

"What happened to him?"

"Oh, he moved to New York I think . . . or was it Los Angeles? Jeez, I can't even remember anymore. He just got this big part and took off, quit school and everything. He was always a spontaneous guy."

"You are still avoiding my question," Carter says.

Anna sighs. She was hoping to sidetrack him away from this. Obviously, she will not be able to avoid this conversation after all. "Come on John, let's talk inside," she tells him. He nods and gets out of the car, then follows her up the walk to the front door of his apartment building.

By noon the only people in Carol's room are Sarah and Charlie. Carol's mother and sisters are at afternoon Mass and probably won't be back for a few more hours. Sarah had finally gotten Doug to leave just a few minutes ago. She had insisted that he take a nap. Finally, he had agreed. He's now downstairs in the ER napping on the sofa.

Carol has made no change since this morning. She's still breathing on her own and her heartbeat is strong, but she's also still in a coma. Dr. Phillips had just been in to check on her right before Doug left. He was, again, unable to offer much hope regarding her condition.

"Dr. Phillips thinks she's going to die," Charlie says as she touches Carol's cheek from her seat beside the bed.

Sarah looks up, rather surprised by this sudden statement. She's quiet a moment, then she nods sadly, "Yes, I suppose he does," she admits.

"Do you?" Charlie asks.

"Well, I think if anyone can pull through against all odds it's this lady right here," Sarah smiles softly.

"Yeah . . . Doug thinks she'll be okay," Charlie offers.

"Yes, he has a lot of faith in her," Sarah says.

"He loves her," Charlie says.

"That he does," Sarah responds. "We should all be so lucky to find a love like theirs . . ."

"If she wakes up, do you think she'll be the same?" Charlie asks.

"That's a hard question to answer," Sarah tells her. "I suppose there's a chance she could have some lasting effects from this . . . But, Doug is confident she'll be exactly the same."

"I hope he's right."

"So do I, dear." The two fall silent again as they watch Carol and wait for any sign of change.

Doug sits down on the sofa in the lounge and sighs. 'What am I doing here?' he thinks. 'I should be up there with Carol.' But going back won't help. Sarah and Charlie are both adamant that he get some rest. He sighs again and lies back onto the sofa. He has his hands behind his head and he is staring at the acoustic tiles on the ceiling overhead, thinking of everything that has happened today.

'What a day,' Doug thinks. He started this day thinking that he might lose Carol . . . now he is becoming more and more confident by the minute that she will be okay. He feels sure he will get her back. 'Another second chance,' he thinks . . . it never seemed possible. 'I must be doing something right.'

As he continues to trace the pattern of the ceiling tiles with his gaze, his mind begins to wander. He's so tired that he's half-sleeping and half daydreaming at this point. He thinks back to that conversation he'd had with Carol a few months ago, just before she got sick. She wanted another baby . . . they had finally decided to go through with it when everything had come crashing down. But now maybe they'll have their chance. Doug smiles to himself. He imagines what their future will hold. Right now the possibilities seem endless.

"Alright, are we going to talk about this now?" Carter asks as he and Anna enter the apartment. She makes her way to the couch and slumps down into the leather upholstery. "Anna?" he says.

"Yeah, we'll talk," she responds.

"Good," he says. He sits down beside her. "Care to fill me in on why this bothers you so much?"

"It's just . . . I'm not ready for this," she says.

"Ready for what? Anna, what's so earth shattering here? We love each other, right?" She nods. "We have a good relationship, at least I think we do."

"I think so, too," she says.

"So, why not move in together? Look, the bottom line is you live in that tiny apartment that's infested with bugs and not in the safest neighborhood in the world and you share a bathroom with the rest of the floor. Meanwhile, I'm here in this place with plenty of extra room and no one to share it with."

"John, I don't need to live off my boyfriend," she counters.

"Is that what this is about? Money? Because if that's it, we can get a smaller place and split the rent for all I care. I just figure, I have this place so why bother? Besides, you know that everything that's mine is yours. That's what love's about, right?"

"Yeah . . ." she hesitates. "It's not just that though."

"What else is it?" he asks.

"Well, I . . . I don't want to start something I can't finish," she says hastily.

"What?" Carter is now more confused than ever.

"Is just that . . . this feels like a first step. It's like you want me to move in here with the idea that, someday, we might take it a step further."

"You mean like marriage, kids, that kind of stuff?"

"Yes, exactly. I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

"Well, it's not like I'm down on my knees proposing and I certainly hope you don't get pregnant anytime soon," he says matter-of-factly.

"I know . . . but I'm not just saying I'm not ready *yet*. I meant that I might not ever be ready. At this point, I don't want to be a wife or a mother. I'm happy with who I am. There's nothing wrong with having a family, I just don't know if it's what I see myself doing."

"I see . . . well, what difference does that make now? Living together isn't exactly settling down. You can have your own room . . ."

"That's not the point," she says. "I just get the feeling that you want to be married someday. You want to fall in love, get married and have children."

"So now I'm the bad guy because I might *someday* want to marry the woman I love?" he asks.

"You're missing what I'm saying, John," she says. "There is absolutely *nothing* wrong with wanting that . . . I just don't know if I do. I don't want to move in here as a first step when I don't know when or if I'll be ready to take the next step."

"So, we agree on it. I know now that you might not want that. I can live with that. I don't need marriage to make me happy, Anna. I need you."

"That's very sweet, but . . ."

"But what?" he cuts in. "I told you, I'm not ready for marriage either. You can live here with the understanding that this is the only step. We aren't planning anything. We're just two people living together. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing . . . look John, I know you say we can just agree this isn't the first step towards something bigger, but I know better. Even if you have no plans for that, I just don't want one of us getting hurt someday."

"I would never hurt you," he says.

"I didn't mean me," she says.

"Well . . ." he starts.

"Don't," she says, putting her fingers to his lips. "Just leave it be, okay? I don't want to argue about this. I love you, John, more than I ever thought I'd love anyone. I'm happy with the way things are; why do we have to change this?"

Carter finally nods, conceding. "Okay, we'll do it your way," he says. "But, just be warned, I am getting you to stay here at every opportunity," he smiles. "I'll make up the guest room for you."

"The guest room? No, that won't be necessary," she smiles and pulls him close for a long kiss. Carter returns the kiss, then gets up, bringing her with him, and leads the way to his bedroom.

"So, when do you think we should do it?" Nina asks. It's four o'clock and she and Mark are sitting in the kitchen talking over a late lunch. He was tired when he got home but he was also famished. He took a quick nap but, eventually, hunger won out.

The topic of their conversation is their impending wedding. They were originally going to get married in mid-May but with everything that had happened to Carol they had ended up postponing the wedding indefinitely. Mark couldn't concentrate on a wedding when his best friend's were going through so much. Nina had understood completely and never once complained about putting the wedding off. Now, though, she's ready to get back to the planning.

"Mark? Earth to Mark," she says, snapping her fingers in front of his face as he stares off into space.

"Huh?" he says, looking back at her.

"I was asking when you thought we should have the wedding and you were on another planet. Is everything okay?"

"Fine, everything's fine," he assures her. "I'm just a little tired still."

"Well, we can talk about this later then," she says.

"No, I'm listening," he says.

"Okay, if you're sure . . ."

"Positive."

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could plan on August. That way the kids will still be out of school and Emma can stay with her dad while we're on the honeymoon."

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"And I called the church. The second weekend in August is still opened. My dress is already finished and you can go get fitted for a tux soon. Do you still want Doug to be your best man?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm not sure what'll happen though. If Carol isn't better by then he may not be up to it."

Nina nods understandingly and continues to spout ideas for the impending nuptials. Mark half listens and nods now and then. "Mark, aren't you going to say *anything*?" she finally asks.

"What, everything you're saying sounds fine," he protests.

"But, I want this to be *our* wedding. I don't want to plan it by myself and just have you say everything is 'fine'." Nina looks at him a moment, then gets a strange expression on her face. She looks him right in the eye and asks, "Mark, do you really *want* to get married?"

"Of course! How can you ask that? I wouldn't have asked you to marry me otherwise. Nina, I love you. I want to be with you forever. I'm sorry I'm not much of a help right now, I'm just really tired and I have a lot on my mind."

She nods, "Maybe we should just wait until another time then. I know you're exhausted. You go back to bed and I'll clean up in here. We've got plenty of time to think about wedding plans anyway."

Mark smiles. "Thanks," he says. He gets up, comes over to kiss her, and then walks back towards the bedroom. Nina watches him go, hoping his fatigue is the only reason he's not in the mood to discuss their wedding.

"Any change?" Doug asks as he returns from his nap.

"No," Sarah says. Helen, Lauren and Kate have returned from Mass and Doug nods a greeting to them. "Where's Charlie?"

"She was almost as worn out as you were so I sent her home to get some sleep," Sarah explains.

"That's good," Doug nods.

"Well, I have to get back to the hotel. I'm flying back in the morning," Lauren says.

"So soon?" Doug says.

"Yeah, I hate to go but I'll be back on Wednesday."

"Well, have a safe flight," Doug says. He walks over and gives her a hug. "Thanks for being here."

"Hey, she's my baby sister. I couldn't *not* be here," she tells him.

Doug pulls back from their embrace and gives her a sad smile. "Tell Phil I said hello. And tell him good luck with the movie, I can't wait to see it." Lauren's husband had finally signed a contract to write his first screenplay from one of his novels. They were in the middle of relocating from Montana to Los Angeles at this very moment.

"Yeah, I will, thanks," Lauren says. She walks over to Carol and kisses her forehead. "Bye Care-bear. I'll see you in a few days. And when I get back you better be ready to gossip with me about the last few months." She turns around towards the door, her eyes filled with tears.

"I'll ride back with you," Kate says, getting up.

"You don't have to," Lauren says.

"No, I need to rest anyway. I'll be back in the morning Doug."

"Yes, I should go too," Helen says. "You'll call me if anything changes?" she asks Doug.

"Of course," he says.

Helen nods. She walks over to Carol and kisses her forehead, "Goodnight my dear," she says.

Sarah gets up and stands beside Doug as they tell everyone goodbye. She takes Helen's hand and squeezes it. "She'll be fine, don't you worry."

Helen nods and smiles at her, "Thank you, Sarah. And Douglas, take care of my girl."

"I will, you can count on that," he says. They all say goodbye and Doug and his mother are left alone with Carol.

"You can go if you need to," Doug says. "I'll be okay."

"I can if you want me to. If you want to be alone with her . . ." she says.

"No, I just meant if you were tired. I don't want you to leave."

Sarah smiles, "Then I'm not going anywhere."

Doug smiles back, "You always were the one who was here for me."

Sarah gives him a sad look. "I'm sure he tried to make it, Doug."

"Don't. Don't take up for him anymore, Mom. Ray knew about Carol and he chose not to come. That's fine. But I'm tired of making excuses for him. He just didn't care."

"Are you sure he got the message?"

"I've called him at least five times this week."

"Well, you said you kept getting the machine. Maybe he's out of town."

"And never calls to get his messages?"

"Yes, I suppose you're probably right. Well, don't let Ray get to you," she says.

"I'm not; I'm through with that." He pauses. "Who needs him anyway," Doug finally says. "I've got you, and Charlie, and . . . Carol," he looks back at her and smiles. "She will get better. We'll get our life back," he says emphatically. Sarah isn't sure whom he's trying to convince, her or himself. Whomever, she hopes he's right.

It's midnight when Doug wakes up. He looks around the room. His mother is sleeping in the chair by the window. He's beside Carol's bed as usual. But, what woke him up? He thought he had heard Sarah say his name. "Mom?" he whispers. She doesn't stir. She's still sleeping.

"Doug?" a hoarse whisper says. It's coming from the bed. It's Carol! She's the one calling for him!

He quickly flips on the bedside lamp and looks at her. Her eyes are open just enough for him to see them. She's really awake! "Carol . . . oh God, Carol!" he whispers as he looks at her.

"You're crying," she says.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess I am. I hadn't realized . . . You're awake," he says. He is sitting right next to the bed now, one hand holding hers and the other caressing her cheek. "Are you really here? I'm not dreaming am I?" he asks.

She smiles slightly, "No, you aren't."

He smiles and tears continue to drip down his face. He doesn't care. "Those eyes," he says, "I've missed those eyes."

"What day is it? How long have I been asleep?" she asks.

"What *day* is it? You mean what month is it! It's Sunday, April 18th."

"What?! Doug, what happened?"

"You were sick. You had some kind of virus. They couldn't figure out what it was. I almost lost you," he says in a low voice.

"I'd never leave you," she says.

"I know, I knew all along that you wouldn't."

Suddenly, Sarah is behind them. "Carol?" she says in an astonished voice.

"Sarah! I'm so glad to see you," Carol says. Doug moves back and lets his mother hug her.

"You're glad to see *me*! Honey, that's my line," she laughs. She steps back and looks at Carol. She shakes her head in disbelief, "I just can't believe it," she says softly. Carol smiles. Sarah turns to Doug, "Shouldn't we get the doctor?" she asks.

"Oh, yes, we should," he agrees. He starts to get up. "I'll go and find someone."

"No, let me do that dear. You stay with her."

"Thanks Mom," Doug says. He hugs Sarah quickly and she turns to leave in search of a doctor.

Once they are alone, Carol turns to Doug and asks, "Where's Charlie?"

"She's at home asleep. She'll be here first thing in the morning though, and so will your mom and your sisters. Oh, I need to call them. They'll want to see you right away," he says.

"No," she says, "let them rest. I want to be alone with you a little longer."

"There's nothing I'd like more," he says. He leans over and kisses her gently, then sits back, content just to look at her and be with her and know she'll be okay.

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