ER: Doug and Carol Series

Story #38

Hearts and Thoughts

By: Courtney

Memories like fingerprints are slowly raising

Me you wouldn't recall, for I'm not my former

It's hard when you're stuck upon the shelf

I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate

Perhaps that's what no one wants to see

I just want to scream...hello...

My god its been so long, never dreamed you'd return

But now here you are, and here I am

Hearts and thoughts they fade...away...

~ Pearl Jam

Carol sits up in bed and watches Doug as he walks into the room. She doesn't say anything, but her eyes say enough. It's almost as if she's asking him a question without words.

"It's today, right?" he says quietly as he sits beside her on the bed.

"Yep," she replies. They both remain silent for a few moments. "Well, what do you think?" she asks.

"I . . . I don't know. Are we ready?" he asks.

Carol thinks about this for a second. She nods. "I am, are you?"

Doug looks at her, then looks away. Is he ready . . . is he ready? There's a good question. He's not sure. Is he? Today is the best day of the month for Carol to get pregnant. She could quite possibly be carrying his child after tonight. They've been to the doctor a few times over the last few weeks for tests and exams and they've basically decided to go through with this. But now, Doug has to decide, is he ready?

"Okay," he says to her suddenly.

"What?" She seems surprised.

"Okay, I think we're ready. We should . . . well, you know, we should. I think it's now or never."

"You're so romantic," she says sarcastically.

He wraps his arms around her. "Sorry, how's this," he says. He lies down and pulls her down with him. She's lying in his arms, her face mere inches away. He looks into her eyes and says, "Carol Hathaway, I love you so much. I want us to have a baby." He kisses her deeply then pulls back to look into her eyes again. "You are everything to me," he says softly.

"Oh, Doug . . ." she says as tears form in her eyes. "I love you, too," she whispers and they kiss again, just as passionately. This time, though, the kiss doesn't end.

Carol wakes up the next morning tangled in Doug's arms. She looks up at him as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful and she hates to wake him. Instead, she decides to lay there a little longer in his arms. She stares at his face and her thoughts begin to drift. 'He has beautiful lips,' she thinks. 'I hope the baby has his lips.'

Doug opens his eyes sleepily and smiles as he sees her staring at him. "Good morning, gorgeous," he says in a voice still rough with sleep.

"Good morning," she purrs back as she snuggles close to him.

"Were you watching me sleep?" he asks.

"Yes, I was," she says.

"May I ask why?" he says with a chuckle.

"Because you're beautiful and I love you," she says.

"Aw, shucks," Doug says as he pulls her closer. "I wonder sometimes if you realize what you mean to me," he says softly. "I wonder if you could ever know just how much I need you and how important you are in my life."

"I think I do," she replies. "I feel the same way." Her head is resting on his chest and she kisses her way up to his neck.

"Oh, Nurse Hathaway, don't start something you don't intend to finish," he teases.

She leans close to his ear and says in a whisper, "Who says I don't intend to finish?"

"Oh, feisty, I like that," he replies.

"Um, you better," she says. She moves her kisses up his neck until their lips meet. They kiss passionately and Doug rolls onto his side so they are lying face to face.

Finally, their lips part and they both take a second to catch their breath. Doug moves his hand down to rest on Carol's stomach. "You think he's in there?"

"He? Who says it's a he?" she asks.

"Oh, no one. A girl will be fine, too. 'He' just came out. What do you want, boy or girl?"

Carol thinks about this a moment. "Well, of course I'll take either one, I just want a baby. But, if I got to choose, I guess I'd say a girl. It would be so wonderful to have a daughter. But, like I said, a son will do just fine. I'll be happy either way," she smiles.

"So will I," Doug smiles back and kisses her again. They fall back into each other's arms and spend the rest of the morning in bed.

"Mark, can you come in here?" Nina calls from the bedroom.

"Yeah, coming," he calls back as he walks down the hall. He reaches the bedroom and sticks his head in the door. "What's up?"

"I need some help with this," she says. She's standing in front of the closet trying to pull a large white box from the top shelf.

Mark goes quickly over. "Here, let me get it," he says as he takes the box and carries it over to the bed. "What is this anyway?" he asks.

"Dresses," she answers. "I have to get Jill, Rachel, and Emma's dresses out to take tomorrow to the final fitting." It's Monday, June 14th. The wedding is this Saturday. Jill is Nina's sister; she's the maid of honor. And Rachel and Emma are the flower girls.

"Oh, okay," he says.

"Did you get Doug in for the tuxedo fitting?"

"Yeah, we're going Tuesday," he says.

"I thought you two we're going to go after work last Friday?" she asks as she pulls out the plastic garment bags that hold the dresses.

"We were but Carol had a doctor's appointment and he wanted to be with her. I told him it was fine to reschedule."

"That's fine. How's that going for them anyway?" Nina asks as she looks over the dresses.

"Good I guess. They're both excited. A little scared, but still excited."

"Well, I hope she gets pregnant soon. They deserve to be happy."

"Yeah, if anyone deserves happiness it's them," Mark agrees.

Nina smiles at him and sets the dress in her hand aside. She walks over and puts her arms around his waist. "We deserve happiness too, you know," she says.

He hugs her close and says, "I know."

"Are you nervous about Saturday?" she asks.

"A little," he admits. Are you?"

"Definitely!" she laughs. "It'll be wonderful though. I can't wait to be your wife." Mark smiles and kisses her gently then hugs her closer to him.

As she stands in front of her locker before first period, Charlie feels a pair of hands cover her eyes and hears someone say, "Guess who?" She recognizes the voice but she can't place it.

"Um, I don't know," she says as she tries to turn around.

"No cheating," he replies with a laugh as he keeps her from turning to look at him.

"Come on, I give," she says.

"Charlie, what's up?" Michelle asks as she approaches the locker.

"I'm wondering the same thing," she tells her. Finally, the boy covering her eyes decides to end the game and lets her turn around. The person before her is a young, black guy, maybe 17 years old. She recognizes him immediately. Her mouth drops open and she just stares at him in shock.

"Surprised?" he asks. She still continues to stare but says nothing.

"Earth to Charlie," Michelle says as she waves a hand in front of her friend's eyes.

"I . . . I . . . Bax, I . . . I can't believe it . . ." she stutters as she stares at the young man before her. He's nice looking, tall, nice smile, friendly face.

Michelle gives Charlie a peculiar look and smiles at this stranger before her. "Hi, I'm Michelle," she says.

"Lawrence Baxter," he says. "But everyone calls me Bax."

"Nice to meet you," Michelle says. "You go to school here?"

"Yeah," he nods. "Today's my first day."

"You go here?" Charlie asks as she has finally found her voice.

"Yep," he smiles.

"What happened to Monterey?"

Bax rolls his eyes. "Wouldn't you know Randy the retard got us caught. We would have been home free but that fool has to call Lucy every damned day! They finally caught on and Lucy squealed."

"I told you I never trusted Lucy," Charlie replies.

"Excuse me, remember me? Care to fill me in?" Michelle asks.

"Oh, sorry!" Charlie says. "Um, yeah, well, this is my friend Bax from Cleveland. We used to hang out together back there. Actually, we grew up together."

"What's this about Monterey?" Michelle asks, still confused.

"I left home to go live with a buddy of mine in California. But I took this idiot Randy with me and he called his girlfriend and told her exactly where we were so when they finally asked her she was able to lead them right to us."

"Them? The cops?" Michelle asks, intrigued by this adventurous sounding story.

"Hardly!" Charlie laughs. "It was your mom, right?" she asks him.

"Worse, my grandma!" he laughs too, in spite of himself.

"You must have wanted to live in California pretty bad," Michelle comments.

"Well, it didn't really matter where. I just wanted out of that neighborhood while I still had two legs to walk out on."

"We're not from the ritziest place in Cleveland," Charlie says as she rolls her eyes at the thought of her old neighborhood. "So, what brings you to Chicago?" she asks Bax.

"My Uncle Will; mom and grandma decided it was a good idea for me to get as far out of there as possible so they sent me to live with him. And look who I find," he smiles at Charlie. "Charlene herself."

"Cut the Charlene crap, Bax, unless you want me to call you Lawrence."

"Point well taken your highness, Charlie it is," he concedes with a sarcastic bow and a huge grin. Charlie grins at Michelle and shakes her head at Bax.

"Oops, we better get to class, the bell rings in less than a minute. Which way are you headed Bax?" Michelle asks.

"First period Biology with Mr. Woodruff," he reads from the class schedule in his hand.

"It's Coach Woodruff. And you're in luck, we know the way," Charlie smiles.

"Hey Carol, do you have the chart for Ms. Pierce?" Kerry Weaver asks as she approaches the nurse's station.

"Sure, here you go Kerry," Carol says as she hands the chart across the counter with a smile.

"Thanks, you sure are in a good mood today," she comments. It's Carol's first day back at work after her recovery from her illness. She was supposed to be out for another week but she couldn't stand one more minute of sitting at home so she had managed, against Doug's advise, to convince Dr. Phillips to allow her to return early.

"Yeah, it's been a good day," Carol smiles happily.

"I'm glad you think so," Chunny says behind her.

Carol turns around. "Oh, come on, look around. It's a great day!" She gushes. Chunny looks around and sees a waiting area half filled with patients. Everyone, aside from Carol, seems to be having an average Monday, nothing spectacular.

Chunny shakes her head and grins, "If you say so girl."

"Peppy," Randi says. "Personally, I think it suits you."

Carol looks around at her coworkers and shakes her head with a grin. She's really not so sure why she's in such a good mood. Things just seem to be looking up.

Just before 11am, John Carter walks into the lounge. His shift starts in a few minutes. He walks in and smiles at what he sees. Anna Del Amico is curled up on one of the couches sleeping. Quietly, John approaches. He sits down beside her on the couch and leans over to kiss her neck. She doesn't wake up but swats at him in her sleep. He kisses her neck again; continuing until this action begins to wake her.

"What the . . ." she mumbles as she begins to emerge from her sleep. He moves his kisses up her neck to her lips. Finally realizing who has woken her, Anna wraps her arms around his neck and kisses back. "Now, that's the kind of alarm clock I could get used to," she says when their lips finally part.

"And how are you today, gorgeous?" he smiles at her.

"Much better now," Anna says as she kisses him again.

"Um, as much as I'd like to continue this, I better get to work," he says as he starts to rise.

"Aw, so soon?" she asks.

"Yeah, I'm on at eleven."

"It's already eleven?" she asks even as she hops up from the couch.

"Yeah, why?"

"I promised to help set things up for the party. It starts at noon. I gotta go."

"Party? What party?" John asks, confused.

"Oh, they're having a party to welcome back Susan Lewis," she says.

"Really, how come I'm always the last to know?" Anna just laughs and kisses his cheek then runs out of the lounge to help the nurses set up for the party.

The nurses have already started setting things up for the party. "Sorry, guys, you should have woken me up," Anna says as she comes rushing in.

"No problem, it's slowed down so we pretty much have it anyway," Carol says. She's busy unwinding a roll of blue streamers to hang over the nurse's station. She pulls over a step stool and has just placed a foot on it to climb up when Doug approaches.

"Carol, what are you doing?" he cries as he rushes over to keep her from stepping onto the stool. He puts his arm securely around her waist and guides her to the floor.

"What's it look like I'm doing, Doug?" she asks as she looks questioningly at him, wondering what has come over him all of the sudden.

"You shouldn't be climbing up on that thing," he tells her as he indicates the small stool at their feet.

"It's not Mt. Everest," she says with a grin. "It's not even a foot off the ground."

"Still, why don't you let me do this," he tells her as he takes the streamers from her hands.

"Okay, whatever," she says as hands over the decorations. She walks over to where Chunny, Anna, and Jerry are setting up a table for the cake. She starts to help them and Doug turns around.

"Carol . . ." he begins. She gives him a warning look and he shuts up quick.

They all continue with the preparations. It's about 11:45am when Mark walks in. "Hey gang, what's going on?" he asks when he sees the decorations.

"Susan's welcome back party," Carol replies.

"That's today?" he asks. From the look on his face Carol can see he wishes it had been planned for his day off. For the past few weeks since she's been back in Chicago Mark has been avoiding Susan like the plague.

"Yep. She starts her job over at Mercy on Wednesday. We wanted to do something for her before then," Carol explains. Mark nods and goes over to look at the board, which is empty. Carol comes up behind him. "Mark, can I talk to you a minute?" she asks.

"Uh, yeah, sure," he says. They walk into the lounge together. She waits until the door has closed behind them then turns to Mark.

"You wanna talk about it?" she asks.

"Talk about what?" he replies.

"Don't give me that," Carol says. She gives him a look that lets him know he's not leaving this lounge without talking to her about this. "Why have you been avoiding Susan? Are you still mad at her about that day at the train station?" Mark doesn't respond. "It's been two and a half years . . ." she says.

Mark walks over and sits on the couch. "I know that Carol. Don't you think I remember?" He realizes almost immediately that he has snapped at her and apologizes. "I'm sorry, it's just . . ."

Carol sits down next to him on the arm of the couch. She lays a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I know it hurt you a lot when she left. You have every right to be angry, but . . . Mark, do you really think hating Susan will make anything better?"

His head shoots up to look at her. "I never said I hate her. I would never . . . Carol, do you think she thinks that?"

"Well, Susan knows in her heart that you don't hate her but I think it hurts her when you ignore her. In fact, I know it does."

"I know . . . I feel terrible. But what am I supposed to do?"

"Just try letting go of the anger," Carol suggests softly.

"The trouble is . . . I'm not angry. I'm . . . it's just . . ."

"What Mark?" Carol asks in a gentle, coaxing voice.

"I'm afraid of the feelings I still have for her."

"Feelings? What kind of feelings?"

"That's just it, I don't know. I don't know what I feel anymore," he says woefully as he lays his head in his hands.

"What does Nina say about all this? Have you talked to her about it?" Mark looks sheepishly away. "I take it that means no," Carol says.

"Nina doesn't even know Susan is back in town," he admits.

"Is there a reason why you haven't told her?" Carol asks.

"No . . . not really. I mean, maybe there is but I'm not sure why. It just didn't seem like a good time to bring up the woman she knew I was in love with for a very long time."

Carol is a little surprised by this comment. She knew Mark had been in love with Susan but she had never actually heard him admit it. "I think you should talk to Susan about how you feel. Then you should talk to Nina," Carol says.

"Yeah . . . you know, I still want to be friends with Susan. I just hope we can be."

"I think you can," Carol says with a smile.

"Thanks, this really helped," he says as he looks up at her on her perch on the sofa arm.

"Anytime," she replies.

"So, how are things in the baby department?" he asks.

"Good," Carol says. "We go back to the doctor in two and a half weeks."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed," Mark smiles.

"Thanks," Carol replies. "I just hope I don't have to kill Doug before this is all over with. I'm telling you, he watches my every move like a hawk."

Mark laughs, "Well, all I can say is you better get used to it because I don't imagine he'll get much better once you actually get pregnant."

"No, I don't suppose he will," Carol agrees.

"Well, we had better go finish helping set up. Susan will be here soon, right? We want this party to be ready to go."

Carol smiles, glad that Mark is starting to come around. He holds the door open and she walks back into the ER as he follows close behind.

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Created by Courtney Stovall © 1998

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