ER: Doug and Carol Series

Story #38 continued

Hearts and Thoughts

by: Courtney

"Hey gorgeous," Doug says as he walks up to the nurses station and wraps his arms around Carol's waist and kisses the crook of her neck.

"Hey yourself, doctor," she smiles. She turns around in his arms to face him and they share a long kiss.

"How's my favorite nurse doing on her first day back to work?" Doug asks.

Carol smirks at him and says, "Feeling smothered by a certain pediatrician I know."

"Who is he? I'll take care of him for you," Doug kids her.

"Come on Doug, give me a break, okay? I'm *fine*. You can stop worrying about me."

"You know good and well I cannot stop worrying about you. I happen to be very good at worrying. It's one of my best skills as a matter of fact. And worrying about you is something I do especially well," he smiles.

"Yeah, so I've noticed," she smirks.

Doug backs off, deciding he'd better not push his luck. "So, you met Charlie's friend?"

"Yeah, he seemed nice," Carol says as she looks over some folders in front of her.

Doug nods his agreement. "What time will you be off tonight?" he asks.

"Probably around six. Haleh had to take her son to school for a PTA meeting. It might run late so I said I'd stay until she got in."

"Well, I get off at five so I can come back and pick you up or just wait around here, either way."

"No, that's not necessary. Susan has a meeting at Mercy tonight anyway. She said she'd swing back by here and pick me up. She wanted to talk to me I think."

"Oh, I see, girl talk. Well, I feel safe in assuming I am not invited," he says.

"Nope, sorry, you're not," she grins back.

"Well, I'll just go on home and make dinner then I guess," he says.

Carol smirks, "A manservant, just what I always wanted." Doug laughs slightly and begins to walk away. Carol reaches to grab his behind as he leaves. She moves closer to him and whispers in his ear in a breathy voice, "Until tonight."

"I can hardly wait," he replies. He gives her a quick kiss and then he is gone, leaving her at the nurse's station smiling after him.

"So what happened?" Charlie asks Michelle as they enter her room. Michelle had refused to talk about what was bothering her until they got to the house. Now, she flops down on Charlie's bed and begins to cry again. Charlie walks over and lays a hand on her shoulder. "Michelle, what is it, what happened?"

She sits up and wipes her eyes. "Jeremy . . . we broke up," she says as more tears spring forward.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I know you really liked him," Charlie says.

"It's not that Charlie. It's . . . it's . . . he cheated on me."

"He did?" This is the first Charlie has heard of this. Michelle and Jeremy always seemed like the perfect couple.

Michelle nods. "With Lisa McCowan. I found out a few weeks ago but I didn't want to believe it. That's what I was telling you earlier about Miranda telling me. She said she saw him holding hands with Lisa at some burger place the other day. I thought she was crazy . . . but I finally decided today to ask him. And can you believe that sleaze came right out and admitted it?" She is crying even more now.

"I'm sorry, Michelle, I really am," Charlie says. She's not sure what else to say.

"Do you know why he did it?" Charlie shakes her head to indicate that she does not. "Because Lisa was willing to have sex with him and I wasn't. Horny bastard . . ."

"Well, you did the right thing. I'm glad you didn't let him pressure you into it," Charlie tells her.

"Yeah . . . but it still hurts. I thought he loved me."

"Guys are jerks, Michelle, especially teenaged guys. But things will get better, they always do."

"I hope you're right Charlie, I hope you're right."

At 5:30 that evening, John Carter gathers his coat to leave. He's suddenly not feeling very well and since they are slow Kerry told him he could go home early. He walks out to his car and is surprised to see Anna leaning against it. "Hey," he smiles. "What are you doing here?"

"I called earlier and Wendy said you were sick and that you were headed home soon. I thought I'd come see if you needed a ride home."

"Well, I have my car," he says.

She nods and smiles. "And I don't even have my car, I took the El. I thought you might like me to drive you home though. I make great chicken noodle soup."

He smiles. "An offer I can't refuse," he replies and hands over his keys.

Anna drives them back to his apartment. During the ride, Carter is coughing quite a bit. They pull into the parking garage just as he breaks into another fit of coughs. She parks the car and reaches over to feel his head. "You're burning up, John. We need to get you inside." He nods but can't respond because of the coughing.

She manages to get him out of the car and helps him up to his apartment. They walk in and she leads him directly to the bed. She pulls back the covers and sits him down, then starts removing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. He smiles at her. "A beautiful woman is standing in my bedroom undressing me and all I can do is cough like I'm about to hack up a lung."

Anna smiles back. "Don't worry Carter, we'll make up for lost time later. Right now you need some rest." She feels his forehead again and frowns. She goes to his closet and finds sweat pants and a tee shirt and brings them over to the bed. He allows her to help him pull the shirt on, then sits idly by as she unhooks his belt and removes his pants. She eases him off the bed and helps him into the sweatpants, then gets him back in bed and tucked under the covers. "I'll be right back," she says as he snuggles in.

She goes to the kitchen and finds a thermometer, some cough syrup, a box of tissues, and some cold medicine. With the items in hand, she returns to the bedroom. She sits on the edge of the bed and helps him into a sitting position so he can take the cough syrup and the cold medicine. Then he lays back down and she puts the thermometer in his mouth. She sits and waits for it to take his temperature.

He looks miserable. Anna strokes his forehead gently. "I'm sorry you're sick sweetheart, but I'm going to take good care of you," she assures him. He nods slightly and she's not really sure he even understood what she said but it doesn't matter. She removes the thermometer and is alarmed to see his temperature is 102. She goes to get him another blanket.

When she returns, he is already asleep. She spreads the blanket over him. There is no question in her mind at this point that she cannot leave him. She has to be sure he's okay. So, she lays down on the other side of the big bed and watches him as he settles into his sleep. He finally seems to be resting comfortably after a few moments so she reaches over to turn out the bedside light. She kisses his forehead and says softly, "Good night my love," then lays back to drift off to sleep herself.

"Hey Carol, ready to go?" Susan asks as she walks up to the nurse's station at just after 6 o'clock.

"Yep, let's roll," Carol says as she grabs her purse. They both wave to Haleh and Wendy then make their way out to Susan's waiting car. "How'd the meeting go?" Carol asks as they pull away from the hospital.

"Good," Susan replies. "They all seem really nice. I met the other attending, Benjamin Hendrix. He seems like an okay guy. I was worried I might get a 'Weaver'" she laughs.

"Are you nervous about being an attending?" Carol asks.

"I was at first," Susan admits, "but it seems like lately I have so many other things on my mind that that has actually become an easy transition in my life."

"Mark's still acting weird, huh?" Carol asks.

"Yeah . . ." Susan replies.

"I saw you two dancing at the party . . . he seemed pretty comfortable."

"I asked him if he was mad at me about that day at the train station," Susan says.

"You did? What did he say?"

"He said no . . ."

"But? What's wrong, don't you believe him?" Carol asks.

"No, it's not that. I do believe him. It's just . . . something he said . . ."

"What was it?" Carol asks.

Susan looks over at Carol then looks back to the road in front of them. Quietly, she says, "He told me I broke his heart."

Carol looks sadly at her, seeing how much this hurts Susan. She lays a hand on her friend's shoulder. "I know it probably doesn't help much, but at least he's getting over it. He's happy now." She's not entirely sure if this is true but she has to say something to make Susan feel better.

"I really hope he is," Susan replies. She looks over at Carol again. "Nina invited me to the wedding."

"Are you going?"

"Well, I wasn't going to, but she insisted. I really didn't know of a reason to tell her I wouldn't. I guess I'll have to go."

"We'll have a good time," Carol assures her.

"I just don't know how good of an idea all this is," Susan says with a sigh. "Nina didn't look too happy when she saw us dancing."

"You think Nina knows how he felt about you?" Carol asks.

"I got that feeling when she was talking to us. She didn't seem thrilled when she found out I'd been back in Chicago for a month."

"Uh oh . . ." Carol says. "You told her that? Mark didn't tell her."

"Yeah, I realized that . . . too late. Why wouldn't he tell her? I mean, what's the big secret? What did he think was going to happen?"

"I think it's pretty obvious, don't you?" Susan gives her a confused look. "He still has feelings for you, Susan," Carol says.

"Mark? Are you kidding? No, you saw how he's been acting with me since I got back here. He's barely spoken to me until today. I mean, I was beginning to think he hated me and you think he still has feelings for me? I really doubt that Carol."

"Whatever," Carol replies but the look on her face reveals that she is not convinced by Susan's argument. She's not really sure Susan is either.

"How about we stop for some dinner?" Susan asks.

"Actually, Doug said he was cooking so I better not. Why don't you come over and eat with us?" Carol suggests.

"No, I wouldn't want to intrude," Susan says.

"Please, you know you're always welcome at our house. Besides, I need someone to taste Doug's cooking before I risk it," she says with a giggle. Susan laughs too.

"Okay, if you're sure it's okay . . ."

"Of course I am. Doug will be thrilled to have a guest. I have a feeling we are in for quite a dinner," Carol smirks.

"Jeez, Doug Ross at home cooking dinner . . . now there's a weird picture. The last time I saw Doug before I left for Phoenix was right after that girl . . . um . . . oh, what was her name? The one he brought in that night . . ." Susan says as she scours her memory for the elusive bit of misplaced information.

"Nadine," Carol says quietly. "Nadine Wilkes."

Susan looks over at her and sees the look of sadness on Carol's face. "Sorry, sore subject?"

"No, Doug and I have talked about all that. I know he's not the same man he was then," Carol replies.

"I'll say," Susan agrees. "I'd never have imagined in a million years that Doug Ross would become so . . . so . . . domestic," she finally says.

Carol laughs a little.

"Not that I mean that in a bad way," Susan assures her. "I'm thrilled you two finally figured out what the rest of us always knew: that you belonged together. I always said you'd end up together one day."

"Well, we both had to go through a lot to get here . . . but it's been well worth it. I wouldn't trade the life I have now for anything," Carol says softly.

"Doug really has become a wonderful man," Susan smiles. "I love that you two are so happy. Someone should get to be happy in this life."

"You'll be happy, Susan. Just give it time. The right man is out there. In fact, he may be closer than you think."

Susan knows what her friend is getting at but ignores the comment and drives on. In the back of her mind though, she can't help but wonder if a part of her hopes Carol is right.

Doug gets home from work and finds a note from Charlie saying that she has gone to Michelle's and will call soon. Just after he has read the note, the phone rings. It's Charlie asking if she can stay over at Michelle's for dinner. "Sure, as long as it's okay with Michelle's parents," he tells her.

"Yeah, they said it was fine. Thanks Doug, see ya," she says.

"Bye kiddo," he says and hangs up the phone. He looks around, wondering what he should do next. It's just a little after five and he wonders if it's too early to start dinner. He decides to wait about half an hour.

He leaves the kitchen and walks upstairs to change out of the slacks he'd worn to work. After he has changed, he starts back downstairs. He's halfway to the stairs when he stops. It's that door that stops him, that same door that he looks at every time he walks past. Since last July that room has haunted him. Now, with all the talk of a baby that he and Carol are doing, it makes him think even more about the room beyond that door. He walks over and slowly peeks inside.

Everything is still basically the same as he last remembers. He probably hasn't been in the nursery in about a month. Even with all of the furniture out of the room, it still reminds him of Sarah. He looks around at the bare yellow walls and hopes that he'll be able to one day think of this room as someone else's, that he and Carol will be able to have a child to make this room more than just a tomb for their painful memories.

He walks over to the window and looks out. It's a nice view. The window seat provides a view that extends halfway down the street. Doug can't help but wonder if his child will one day sit at this window and daydream. Will he have a son who watches outside on a day when he is sick and longs to be out there, playing ball or riding his bike? Or will his daughter sit here and await a date to pick her up? Doug and Carol had actually thought about selling this house after they lost Sarah. The discussion didn't last long, though. They fell in love again here; they built a life around this house. It's their home and they didn't want to leave it behind. In the end, they had both decided that they could fill this house with enough happy memories to overtake the sad ones.

Doug gets up from the window seat and looks around one more time. He makes a mental note to think about repainting in here. 'Maybe a nice, soft green . . .' he thinks. Oh well, he'll save that for another day. There's plenty of time to think about it. Doug walks back out into the hallway and closes the door behind him.

Nina stands in front of the closet and stares at the white dress before her. It's beautiful. And it should be, she spent a month picking out this dress. She really loves this dress. She's been looking forward to wearing it as she walks down the aisle to become Mrs. Mark Greene. She's known all along that Mark was unsure they were ready to get married, but she thought he was just nervous. Now, she wonders for the first time since they got back together if this is really the right thing for them to do.

She frowns at the dress and closes the closet doors. Flopping down on the bed, Nina stares up at the ceiling. "Do you love me Mark? Do you love me even half as much as I love you?" she asks into the empty room. She rolls over and sees a picture of the two of them together on the nightstand. It was taken last Christmas. Nina smiles. Then a tear traces a slow path down her cheek. She whispers, "Will you ever love me like you loved her?"

Mark walks alone in the darkness. It's a warm night in Chicago and he's trying to relax during the short walk from the El station to the apartment he and Nina share. He looks up to see a light on in the bedroom window. She's still up. He's not sure why, but Mark doesn't want to go up there and face her right now. Instead, he turns around and heads back the way he came.

"Doug!" Carol calls as she and Susan enter the house. "Honey, where are you?"

"In here," they hear Doug call from the kitchen. They both walk in to see Doug standing in front of the stove amid more pots, pans, bowls, and dishes than Carol knew they even owned.

"*What* are you doing?" she asks him.

"Cooking," he says as if it is so obvious. He can't see why she'd even ask. Is he doing something wrong?

Carol shakes her head and smiles and Susan giggles. "Looks like we are in for *quite* the treat," Carol teases her.

"Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it," Doug smiles back at them.

"We're brave souls, we'll try anything once," Susan informs him.

"Once may be all we get with his culinary skills," Carol jokes.

"I heard that," he warns.

"Come on," Susan says with a laugh, "let's start setting the table before you get into trouble." She and Carol gather the plates, silverware, and napkins and go into the dining room.

Twenty minutes later, Doug appears to announce that dinner is served. He brings in several plates of food. Just like a man, he has cooked *way* too much but the ladies are actually surprised that most of it is really quite good.

"Well, you are to be commended," Susan says to Doug as they finish eating. "You made enough for the whole neighborhood, but it was delicious."

Doug laughs. "Thanks . . . I think."

"She's right Doug, I'm impressed. But, you know, this means now you have to cook more often," Carol says with a grin.

"Oh brother," he says and rolls his eyes.

They all sit around the table and talk for a while, joking and laughing and having a great time together. Finally, Susan rises from her seat. "Well, this has been wonderful you two. Thank you so much for having me over. And Doug it really was delicious. I better get home. I have a big day tomorrow."

"Good luck," Doug says as he gets up and offers her a small hug.

"Thanks," she replies. Carol hugs her too and they both get up to see her out.

Once she has left, Doug and Carol go about cleaning the kitchen. It takes almost an hour and they finish up just as the phone rings. It's Charlie. "Hey Charlie, everything okay?" Carol asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she assures her. "I wanted to see if it was okay for me to spend the night with Michelle, though. She's really upset."

"What happened?" Carol asks.

"It's a long story, I'll explain later," Charlie says.

"Okay, as long as everything is okay . . ." Carol says.

"Yeah, it will be," Charlie replies.

"Okay, tell Michelle I hope things turn out okay. I'll see you tomorrow sweetie. Oh, and Doug says good night."

"Tell him good night for me. I'll see you guys tomorrow after school." With that she hangs up and so does Carol.

"Well," Carol says as she turns to Doug who is standing behind her, "looks like you and I are on our own for the night."

Doug walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist. Resting his head on her shoulder, he says, "Sounds good to me," and begins kissing his way up her neck.

"Umm, are you trying to seduce me doctor?" she asks as she raises her head to allow him to continue.

"Umm hmm," he mumbles against her skin. "Is it working?" Carol doesn't answer; she just closes her eyes and leans her head back as he continues to kiss her neck. She reaches back to rub her hands through his hair. His lips move down to caress her shoulder blade and a low moan escapes her lips. "Should we go upstairs?" Doug asks.

Again, Carol doesn't answer. Instead she turns around and faces him, her mouth finding his. His hands roam her body, starting to untuck her shirt. "I don't think we'll make it upstairs . . ." she breathes into his ear.

He lifts her shirt over her head and responds, "Neither do I." Then he picks her up and carries her into the living room to lay her gently on the couch. He takes off his own shirt then continues to kiss her. They make love with both tenderness and passion, drowning in each other's kisses and getting lost in one another's arms.

When it is over, Carol lies with her back to Doug's chest and pulls his arms tightly around her. "I never imagined I could love someone so much," she says softly.

Doug kisses her cheek and rests his head against hers. "I never dreamed someone so wonderful could love me," he replies.

"You're too hard on yourself," she says. "You've made mistakes, but you're a good man, Doug. You should be proud of yourself."

"Yeah, I should be really proud of the rotten way I've treated you over the years," he says sadly.

"Don't do that," she says firmly. "Don't think back to the way things used to be. We were both different people back then. That guy who did those things is not the man who I love. He's not the man who's seen me through the worst that could ever happen in my life." She looks at him and touches his cheek. "I love you, Doug. I love the man you've become. That's all that matters to me. The past is over with, all we have ahead of us is the future."

He covers her hand with his own. "I love you, too," he says as tears fill his eyes. "I promise you, I'm going to make that future a happy one for you."

"I'm already happy," she says and kisses him softly then lays back in his strong arms, feeling safe and loved and happier than she ever thought possible.

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