Story #5
by: Courtney
The story opens on November 1, All Saints Day . . .
Doug and Carol are sitting at the table, drinking coffee over bagels and cream cheese, when Charlie finally rises. It is almost ten o’clock. “Good morning,” Doug says, looking her way.
“Good morning,” she replies, looking first at him, then at Carol. Carol smiles and offers Charlie a bagel. “Thanks,” she mumbles, taking a seat at the table with them.
“Would you like some juice?” Carol asks as she gets up to freshen her coffee.
“Sure, thanks.”
Carol looks into Doug’s refrigerator. There isn’t much to choose from. “Doug,” she asks, picking up an orange juice carton, “how old is this?” She frowns as she opens it up and sniffs the contents.
Doug looks up and grimaces. “Probably older than her,” he smirks, nodding towards Charlie. “Do you drink coffee?” he asks his houseguest.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” She picks at her bagel and looks slightly uncomfortable even being there. Carol returns to the table, bringing a cup of coffee for Charlie. She sips it in silence while Doug and Carol try to make small talk.
“How are you feeling this morning?” Carol asks her. Charlie looks up and stares at her a moment.
“Fine,” is all she replies. She looks at Doug and asks, “Where’s the restroom?” He points towards a door halfway down the hall and she gets up, walks towards it and disappears inside.
After she is out of sight, Doug says, in a hushed tone, “She seems pretty quiet this morning.”
“I think that may have something to do with me,” Carol replies. Doug looks at her curiously and she continues. “She isn’t very comfortable around me.”
“Well, I’m not exactly her best friend, either,” Doug replies.
“Actually, in a way, you are. I mean, she trusts you more than anyone. She turned to you when she had no where else to go.” Doug nods, beginning to see what Carol means. “Maybe I should leave.”
“No, you don’t have to.”
“I know I don’t have to, but I think I should. This is a very difficult time for her. It seems pretty obvious to me now that you’re the one she trusts. You can get her to talk to you. But, with me here, I think it will be useless.”
Doug looks at her and, finally, nods in agreement. “I guess you’re right,” he says.
Carol gets up to leave and Doug follows her to the door. In the hallway he takes her hands and turns her to face him. “You’re really wonderful.” She smiles and kisses him tenderly.
“So are you. It’s really great of you to let her stay here for a while.” Doug doesn’t respond. “How about I go get some groceries? You can definitely use some!” They both laugh at this.
“Sure, that’d be great.”
“Alright. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” She kisses him again and then turns down the hall towards the elevator.
“Carol?” he calls after her.
“Yeah?” she turns around and looks back towards the open doorway where he is still standing.
“Do you think you might have some old clothes you could bring by for her? She only has what she was wearing last night.” Carol smiles and nods, saying she’s sure she can find something. Doug thanks her and they exchange goodbyes again before she boards the elevator and he turns to reenter the apartment.
Charlie reemerges from the bathroom just as Doug is sitting back down. “Where’d she go?” she asks when she sees that Carol has left.
“Oh, she had things to do. She’ll be back in a few hours.”
Charlie nods and sits back down in front of her coffee and half eaten bagel.
“So, you feel like talking?” Doug tries to breach the subject with caution.
Charlie stares into the blackness of the coffee cup and sits silently for a long moment. Doug figures she isn’t going to respond and he is about to say something else, when she begins to speak. “Thanks for letting me come here. I don’t think I could have stayed in that hospital.”
“It’s no problem. I have the extra room and all.”
“Tommy can be a real jerk.”
“No kidding?” Doug says sarcastically.
She looks up and casts her eyes towards the living room window. Light is peeking through the half opened blinds and the shadows of tree branches from just outside dance across the far wall. “He wasn’t always so bad. At first he was pretty good to me. He took care of me.”
Doug thinks about this for a moment. ‘What is there to say?’ he wonders. Finally, he says, “They always are, at first.”
“Are you speaking from experience?” she asks.
He cuts his eyes towards her and she is staring back at him. “Somewhat,” he replies. “I used to be a pretty big jerk sometimes. But, I’d never do what he did to you. I could never . . . Not to anyone.”
“It’s not like I haven’t been beaten up before,” she remarks.
He looks at her again and, again, her eyes are drawn to the shadows on the living room wall. “That makes it that much worse, Charlie.” She doesn’t respond to this, but he thinks he sees her lip quiver a bit.
Moments later, she has regained her composure and she nibbles absently on a piece of bagel. “So,” she begins, “how long till you ship me off?”
“What do you mean?” he inquires, his brow furrowed.
“You know what I mean. When are you sending me back to the foster home?”
He hasn’t thought of this. Where will she go when her injuries have begun to heal? “Don’t worry about that right now,” he concludes, both to her and to himself. “We’ll figure that out when the time comes. For the next week or so, you can stay here. You need to get some rest.”
Charlie nods as though she saw this explanation coming. She knows it is only a matter of time before she is placed with another foster family who treats her like dirt and wishes she weren’t around. She tries to put it aside, but it is always right there, screaming at her. She has no place to go. No home. ‘And,’ she thinks as she sips coffee and watches tree limbs dancing on the walls of Doug’s apartment, ‘I probably never will.’
Doug is cleaning out the refrigerator when Charlie emerges from the shower, shortly before lunchtime. She has on the same clothes he gave her to sleep in the night before and her hair hangs in wet strands around her face. She has a garbage bag wrapped around the cast on her arm.
“I hope you didn’t get it wet,” Doug teases as he pours a carton of soured milk down the drain.
“How could I? You turned me into a walking Hefty bag!” She smirks. “Can I take this off now?” she points to the huge wad of black plastic wrapped around her arm from wrist to elbow.
“Yeah,” Doug grins, “go ahead.”
“You wouldn’t happen to have a hairbrush I could borrow, would you?” She asks as she pulls away the bag.
“Yeah, sure. On my dresser.” He gestures towards his room, then sticks his head back into the refrigerator to see what other awful surprises await him.
Charlie goes into Doug’s room and finds the brush on his dresser. She stands in front of the dresser’s mirror and brushes out her wet hair with her good arm. As she is brushing, she looks into the mirror at the bed directly behind her. A silver picture frame on Doug’s nightstand catches her eye. She turns and walks over to have a closer look. Picking up the frame, she sees that it is a picture of Doug with Carol. They are standing in front of some trees, maybe in the park. Doug is standing behind Carol with his arms wrapped around her waist. She has her hands over his and is looking up at him while he stares back. There is a look in his eyes in this photo, a look Charlie has never seen. He’s looking at this woman, who looks so happy, and they seem to be speaking silently to one another. There love is evident, even in this picture. Charlie’s lips form a little smile as she gazes at the two lovers.
“Did you find it?” Doug calls from the kitchen.
She puts the picture back in its rightful place and goes back to the mirror. “Yeah,” she calls to Doug. “Just borrowing your mirror while I’m at it.” She finishes brushing out her hair, puts the brush back on the dresser, and returns to the kitchen.
Doug is still busy throwing out old food when Charlie returns. “Is there *anything* in there that you’re not throwing out?” she asks as he chunks more food into the trash.
“Maybe a bottle of ketchup,” he smiles. “Don’t worry, Carol is on her way with reinforcements.” Charlie doesn’t respond to this and Doug looks up at her. “You don’t mind if she joins us for lunch, do you?”
“Of course not,” Charlie replies, but Doug can tell she is uneasy.
“Carol really like you, you know,” Doug wants the two of them to get along. “She’s very nice, if you give her a chance.”
“I’m sure she’s great.” Charlie says. He isn’t sure if her half smile is the real thing or another sarcastic gesture. It is so hard to tell real emotions from a put on with her. She’s gotten very good at hiding how she feels. He decides to leave it at that, for now at least. Carol will be there any minute and it isn’t really the time to have this discussion with Charlie.
He is throwing out the last of the stagnant leftovers when Carol knocks on the door. Charlie goes over and peeks out the peephole, than lets Carol inside. She is carrying several bags. She greets Charlie, who smiles politely and takes one of the bags. Carol walks to the kitchen and says hello to Doug. “What are you up to?” she asks as she notices the trash can’s unsightly contents.
“I thought it was time for a little ‘spring cleaning’.”
“Too bad he waited till November, huh?” she smiles at Charlie, who laughs at this.
Carol sets her bags on the counter and takes the one that Charlie is holding. She opens up the bag and pulls out a pair of jeans and several shirts, all with the tags still on them. She hands the items to Charlie, saying, “I thought you might need these.”
Charlie takes the items, but looks at Carol with wondering eyes. “What’s this?” she asks.
“Clothes. I knew you didn’t have anything to wear and, well, Doug’s clothes are a little big, I’d say,” she grins as she looks at the huge pajama pants and T-shirt that seem to swallow Charlie up.
“But, you shouldn’t have bought. . . ,” Charlie begins, shaking her head.
Carol cuts her off. “Don’t worry about it. Think of it as a get well gift. Here,” she hands her the bag, which contains socks, underwear, and a bra. “I hope the sizes are right. I wasn’t sure, but they should be pretty close.” Charlie takes the bag, still looking at Carol, unsure. “Go ahead and get dressed. Lunch will be ready soon,” Carol says. With this, Charlie nods. She doesn’t say anything, but Carol can see the thank you in her eyes as she turns to go.
“That was nice of you,” Doug says when Charlie has closed the door to the guest room.
“I thought she should have something of her own. It’s not much,” Carol replies, pulling food from the remaining bags.
“It is to her,” he says and kisses Carol’s cheek. She smiles and continues to put away the food.
Charlie reappears a few moments later in her new clothes. She looks very different in the close fitting attire. If it weren’t for her injures, she would seem like any other teenager. She walks over to the kitchen, where Doug and Carol are busy fixing lunch. They both turn to look her way as she approaches. Carol smiles at her. “Do they fit?” she asks.
“Yeah, thanks.” Charlie seems shy now. She is obviously not used to receiving gifts. She’s never really had anyone to buy her things, even a mother. Carol senses her discomfort and continues preparing lunch. She knows that Charlie needs to adjust to her and that it will take some time.
“What are you fixing?” Charlie asks, looking at the food on the counter.
“We have turkey, ham, and cheese for sandwiches, chips, and I’m making a salad,” Carol responds.
Charlie nods. “Need any help?”
Carol is surprised by this offer, but pleased, none the less. She says, “Sure, why don’t you set the table?” She hands Charlie some plates from the cupboard in front of her and points her towards the silverware drawer. Charlie takes the plates and retrieves forks and knives from the drawer, then heads for the table.
When she returns, Doug hands her some glasses and she fills them with ice. Carol is just finishing the salad and she carries it to the table. “Would you grab the salad dressing, Charlie?” she calls into the kitchen as she goes.
Charlie appears at the table with the dressing and the three glasses of ice. Carol thanks her and goes back to the kitchen to help Doug bring in the sandwich supplies. Charlie gets up to help, but Carol tells her they can get it. “There’s only a couple of things. What would you like to drink? Tea? Coke?”
“Coke is fine,” she says as she takes a seat.
Doug comes in and sets a plate of meats and cheeses on the table along with a loaf of bread. Carol is behind him, carrying mustard, mayonnaise, and a jar of pickles along with three cans of soda. They set the supplies on the table and both take their seats on either side of Charlie.
Carol looks around the table. “Oops! We forgot salad bowls!”
She begins to rise, but Charlie gets up quickly saying, “I’ll get them.”
She turns to Doug, who says, ”Second cabinet to the right, beside the stove.” Charlie nods and goes to retrieve the missing bowls.
She returns shortly and they begin serving the salad Carol has prepared. Charlie looks around, not sure how to proceed, as Doug and Carol hand her a bowl of salad. She looks from Doug to Carol, expectantly.
Carol notices this first and glances at her. She thinks she knows what Charlie is expecting them to do and she looks to Doug. “Would you like to say a quick blessing before we begin?” He looks at Carol with a rather odd expression. They are both Christians, but neither is very devout. They don’t attend church on a regular basis and saying a blessing before every meal is not something they usually do. He is a bit confused, but Carol’s look clues him in. He bows his head and says a quick blessing. Carol and Charlie bow their heads as well. When he is finished, they begin their lunch.
Over the course of the meal, Charlie is pretty quiet, as usual. Carol and Doug do most of the talking, with her giving a few short responses to their questions. She does, however, seem to be a little more at ease than she was at breakfast that morning. When the meal is over, they rise from the table. They carry their plates to the kitchen and Carol turns on the water in the sink and grabs the dishwashing liquid. “I’ll help you,” Charlie says, grabbing a towel to dry the dishes with.
“No, that’s okay. You need to go and sit down. You’re still recovering, remember?” Doug tells her.
“I think I’ll be okay,” Charlie says.
“Well, that may be, but I’m the doctor and I give the orders.” He grins. “Why don’t you go put in a movie and I’ll help Carol clean up. We’ll join you in a minute.” Charlie reluctantly releases the dish towel and trudges off to the living room as she is told. It is obvious that she is uncomfortable with the fact that she is being taken care of. She’s not used to this. She feels she has to work for everything.
As Charlie disappears into Doug’s living room, he turns to Carol. “What was all that about earlier? With the prayer and all?” he curiously inquires, speaking in a low voice.
Carol looks up from the soapy water filling the sink and responds, “She just seemed like she expected it. I think it put her at ease a little. It seems like something she thinks a family does.”
Doug is perplexed by this explanation. “A family?”
“Yeah,” Carol says. “She’s never had a family and I think that made her feel safe today. She needs to feel like someone cares about her.”
Doug likes this and hugs Carol’s waist. “Where did I find you, anyway?” He reaches around and kisses her cheek.
“I found you,” she replies with a short giggle.
“Naw,” he says, his tone becoming more serious, “I think we found each other.” With this, Carol turns her head and their lips meet in a passionate kiss. When they part, she looks at him and smiles, then they turn back to the lunch dishes.
When they have finished cleaning the kitchen, Carol and Doug go into the living room to join Charlie. She is sitting on the sofa watching ‘Pretty Woman’ on videotape. “How’s the movie?” Doug asks as he sits in the chair to her left.
“Good,” Charlie says as Carol sits on the opposite end of the couch from her. “I haven’t seen it before.”
“Really?” Carol replies. “I love this movie, it’s really good. Doug and I just watched it not too long ago.”
Charlie nods her head smiles politely at Carol, then turns back to the screen. They are to the scene when Julia Roberts and Richard Gere are in the piano bar and he is playing for her.
They continue watching the movie together, all remaining fairly quiet. When it is about halfway over, Carol says she has to leave. “I have to be at work at five,” she says. “I still have a few things to do before then so I’d better get going.”
Doug gets up to walk her out. “Good-bye, Charlie. I hope you feel better,” Carol says as she gets up from the couch.
Charlie smiles. “Thanks. Bye.” Carol begins to walk towards the door with Doug right behind her. As she reaches for the knob, Charlie calls back, “Thank you for the clothes.”
“You’re welcome,” Carol responds and turns to smile at the girl again before she and Doug walk out into the hallway.
Doug closes the door behind him as he and Carol enter the deserted hallway. “Thanks for spending some time here today. I wasn’t sure what to expect.”
“Well, she seems okay, considering. It’s just awkward for her. She’s not used to depending on other people.” Carol knows exactly how this feels. She had always been very self reliant. After what had happened to her, she found she could depend only on herself. Then, Doug came along and everything started to change. It had been so strange, at first, to tell her secrets to someone else. To confide in someone and trust them with her very soul. When she and Doug first started to open up to one another, to share all of their hidden demons, she felt much like Charlie must feel right now. She was confused and frightened and unsure. But, with time, she found herself more at ease than ever because she knew she’d never have to be alone again. ‘I hope Charlie gets the chance to feel that way one day,’ she thinks.
Doug takes her hands in his. “How long are you working tonight?”
“Until seven in the morning.”
Doug looks at his watch and notes that it is almost 3 o’clock. “You’d better get some rest then. You’ll be wore out by tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, don’t worry about me. It won’t be the first time I’ve been kept up all night before a long shift.” With that, she gives him a sly glance and he grins back at her.
“Yeah, well, try to get some rest sometime tonight at least.” She notes the concern in his voice. She has been noticing this more and more lately. It seems like such a little thing, but when she thinks about it, sometimes little things like that are the best part of loving someone. She smiles at this thought and lovingly kisses his soft lips.
“I’ll do my best,” she replies.
He is still holding her hands and there is something in his grasp that gives her the feeling that he doesn’t want to let go just yet. She stand there a moment longer and waits for him to speak. He remains silent, but his eyes are clouded and he looks tentatively away.
“Is something wrong?” she asks.
“I’m just not sure what to do,” he says, looking down at Carol with a bewildered expression. Carol looks back at him, urging him with her eyes to continue. “Charlie . . . what will I do when she’s well? She asked me this morning after you left when I was putting her back into foster care . . . how long she had. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t.”
Carol looks into his sad eyes. She knew this would be an issue. She’d been wondering the same thing ever since she had received Doug’s phone call about this situation last night. “It’s a tough decision. I wish she had some family to turn to. Foster care is a rough life, I guess.”
Doug nods. He will agonize over this, Carol is sure of that. She feels terrible as his shoulders slump under this enormous weight. “We’ll talk tomorrow, okay? Are you working?”
“I have to. I already called in today. I guess Charlie will have to stay here alone tomorrow.” Doug doesn’t seem to like this idea.
“Why don’t you bring her over to my place tomorrow? I’ll be sleeping, but she could stay downstairs and watch television or something. That way, if she needed anything, I’d be there. And,” she adds, knowing this is Doug’s biggest concern, “she wouldn’t have to be alone. You could come by after work and I’ll cook us all some dinner. What do you think?”
“That might be good,” Doug says, perking up a little. “I’ll run it by Charlie in a while and I’ll let you know. Call me from the hospital, okay?”
“Sure.” They exchange another long kiss and Carol turns to leave. Doug watches until the elevator doors close, then returns to the living room to finish watching the movie with Charlie.
‘Pretty Woman’ ends and Charlie and Doug sit in silence for a moment. “Would you like to watch another movie?” he asks her.
She shrugs, “I don’t care. We can if you want to.”
“It doesn’t matter to me.” Doug tries to read her expression, but her eyes are still a mystery he has yet to solve. The complex emotions they hold within them seem too complicated to have seen only fifteen years on this earth. This thought saddens Doug as he looks at the girl. She notices his glance and looks over at him. He quickly breaks his forlorn stare and says, “Why don’t you go get some rest? That medicine Dr. Benton gave you has to have made you sleepy and you need your rest.”
She nods her agreement to this suggestion. She is getting a little tired. She gets up from the sofa, walks down the short hallway to the guest room and retreats behind the door.
Once inside the room, Charlie goes to the window and pushes back the curtains that conceal the mid afternoon, Chicago sunlight. It is already very cold outside. The days have been getting shorter lately and therefore the bitter cold of nighttime has been approaching even sooner. She always notices when this starts to happen. Cold is something she has become all too familiar with. It has penetrated her soul and become a part of her.
Today, as she looks out Doug’s apartment window, Chicago looks very different to her. This is part of the city she rarely sees and a part she is not familiar with at all. A young woman is walking home from the store with an armload of groceries. She climbs the steps of a quaint looking brownstone and retreats inside. Three children are playing hopscotch on a nearby sidewalk. Charlie can hear them laughing and shouting playfully with one another.
She turns away from the light-hearted scenes and sits solemnly on the bed. Her eyes are full of unshed tears as she stares up at the ceiling. “What is wrong with me?” she whispers to herself. She has never been good at showing how she feels. She has always kept her emotions down, where even she couldn’t find them. Now, as the tears spill down her cheeks and fall to her stitched up bottom lip, she cannot understand what is happening to her. ‘Where is this coming from?’ she wonders even as more tears begin to flow. She is unable to hold back any longer and a lifetime of unshed sorrows come rushing at her all at once. She stands from the bed and looks around, aimlessly, as though there is something to find, some answer hidden just beyond her grasp. But, there is nothing and she falls to her knees. The tears continuing coming so fast she is powerless to stop them. She crawls into the corner and curls up. Her bruised face rests on her knees as she shakes with an utter despondency she has never allowed herself to know before.
Doug watches as Charlie goes into the guest room. He can’t help but worry about this child. She came into his life as an annoyance. He hadn’t even wanted to be on that MedVan duty that day. After he and Carol got roped into it, he had been in a bad mood. Charlie’s appearance that day had not made any great impression on him. She was another poor street kid to feel bad for. He saw too many kids like her everyday. But, then, she had shown up at the hospital. And, the more times he spoke to her and treated her, the more he got to know her. She was quite remarkable to be only fifteen. She had a lot of potential and this realization was perhaps the most disheartening aspect of knowing her. Doug hated knowing there was a child out there who needed someone and nobody was there to fill that void. He remembered what he had felt like after Ray left. Seeing all those other kids with their dads . . . but, at least, he’d had his mom. ‘What must it be like to have no one at all?’
His thoughts of Ray start him thinking about his own son. He knows the boy is out there somewhere. He has always known. ‘I hope he’s not out there somewhere like Charlie.’ This thought slams down on his brain and he can’t think of anything else. Does he have a child out there in the world that is suffering the way that she is? He knows Charlie tries to act tough, but sooner or later a crack in that shell is bound to break her in two. Has his son seen the same pain Charlie has? Thinking of this brings tears to Doug’s eyes and he must blink them quickly away.
He sits there for a long while and reflects on all the mistakes he has made in his life. All the roads he could have turned on, but instead he chose a detour. A sidetrack that lead him away from his responsibilities and further into oblivion. ‘If it hadn’t been for Carol,’ he thinks into the silence, ‘I might have never found my way back.’ But, Doug knows that Carol is not the only one who led him from that dark path. There have been many others that caused him to see how he was ruining his future, throwing everything away. Charlie, for one, and Ray, his reappearance made Doug stop to think about things. Saving Ben had a big impact. And then there was Nadine . . . He would never fully relinquish his guilt for her death. She had been right here, right in this apartment. Staring absently towards the window, Doug sees Nadine’s pallid face as she looked when the time of death was called. How much she had made him think of Carol, lying there, barely alive, in the ER that horrible night. It could have easily been Carol to die, just as Nadine had. He still blamed himself for that, too. She has always insisted it had nothing to do with him. Mostly, Todd’s phone call was the trigger for her suicide attempt. Hearing from him had pushed her so far from reality. ‘But,’ he has thought so many times, ‘if I had only been there. . .’ If only.
God had given him a second chance that day. He had given Carol back to him. Then, it had still taken Doug three years to change his ways, to see all that he had been taking for granted for so long. Maybe he had saved Ben, and so many others, but would Nadine have died that night if he had changed three years earlier? If she hadn’t been with him that night, would her fate have been the same? There is no way to know, and that is the ultimate punishment for all of his sins. He can never be fully over the guilt and remorse of her death. Even the new Doug can’t forget who he had once been. ‘That’s how it should be,’ he thinks. ‘That way I’ll always know what I am in danger of becoming again.’
He looks at the clock and sees that he had been reflecting on his life for quite some time. It is almost seven o’clock. Charlie has been in bed for over two hours. She was supposed to take the antibiotics that Peter had prescribed at six o’clock. All of her time being exposed to the elements has weakened her health and he is afraid she might develop pneumonia if this continues. She already has a low grade fever and the prescription is a safety precaution. Doug goes into the kitchen and retrieves the pills from the counter top. He fixes her a glass of water and heads towards the guest room door. His knock is gentle, at first. This does not illicite a response, so he knocks again, this time rapping harder on the door. Still nothing, so he peeks inside. He can see the bed and it is still neatly made. Charlie had made the bed when she got up this morning and it didn’t look as though she had been back in it since. Doug pushes the door fully opened and steps into the room. The sun is almost completely set and the room is filled with dark shadows. He scans the room. He almost doesn’t see her curled up in the corner. It isn’t until he surveys his surroundings a second time that he notices her there. He rushes over and touches her arm. Her eyes are closed and he gently shakes her. She opens her eyes slightly, looking very disoriented.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as she stares up at him. He can see the tears still staining her swollen cheeks. Her eyes are puffy, like she has been crying for days.
She sucks in a long, labored breath and tries to speak, but the tears overcome her again. The short reprieve of sleep has not diminished the anguish that washes over her. She succumbs, again, to a wave of fresh tears and drops her head back down to rest on her raised knees. Doug is unsure of what to do. For a moment, he sits there, stunned. Then, almost instinctively, his arms wrap gently around the crying child. She shakes with unimaginable sorrow that brings tears to Doug, as well, and he fights them back. He holds onto her, gently stroking her hair, as she releases all of the pain she has bottled up within her. It seems to be never ending.
After what feels like a lifetime of tears, Charlie manages to gain control of herself. She stops crying and Doug pulls away from her to look into her swollen face. “Do you feel like talking?” he asks quietly as she wipes her cheeks with back of her hand. He grabs a tissue from the dresser and hands it to her.
“I don’t know,” her voice is strained and full of fear and confusion. He can tell that she is barely fighting back another wave of tears.
“Come on,” he rises from the floor beside her and helps her to her feet. He leads her over to the bed and urges her to have a seat. She sits and he sits down beside her. He looks at her, trying to decipher what has brought all of this on. She is staring at her hands, concentrating very hard on keeping herself together. “Charlie,” Doug begins, “talk to me . . .”
Her lip quivers as she turns to face Doug. “I don’t know . . . ,” is all she can say. She is just as confused as he is about her outburst. Doug looks woefully at her as tears begin to escape her eyes once more. He wraps his arms around her again and tells her everything will be alright. Charlie feels safe in his arms and let’s herself be comforted, something she has never let herself give in to before. He stays there with her for the rest of the evening. Eventually, she falls asleep and he lays her carefully down on the bed and covers her with a blanket from a nearby chair. He creeps silently from the room and goes to the kitchen.
Just as he is fixes himself a glass of water, the phone rings. It is 11 o’clock and he figures it must be Carol since he hasn’t heard from her all night. He picks up the phone and Carol’s voice greets him. She instantly detects that something is wrong and he tells her the situation with Charlie.
“Any idea what triggered it?” Carol asks, her voice full of concern.
“No, but I have had the feeling she was holding back a lot. I’ve never seen her upset, not in all the times I’ve been around her. She always keeps everything in check. After she was beaten, raped, nothing ever affected her the way it should have.”
“It affected her. She just kept it all inside. It was bound to come out eventually. I’m just glad you were there.” Carol’s words are very sincere and he knows she has seen some of the same pain as Charlie. She knows where Charlie has been and what she has been going through. Carol may have been a little older when she went through this, but her pain was just as deep and she felt just as alone.
“Charlie needs you right now,” Carol continues. “I’m going to tell Mark that you won’t be here tomorrow.”
“Carol . . .,” Doug begins to argue this but she won’t hear a word of it.
“No, she needs you. He’ll understand. The hospital will survive without you for one more day. This is more important.” Doug knows she is right, so he silences his protests.
“Where is she now?” Carol asks.
“She finally cried herself to sleep about an hour ago. I stayed with her a while longer to make sure she didn’t wake back up. I had just left her room when you called.”
“Well, would you like me to stop by on my way home in the morning?”
“No, I think we’ll be fine. You need to get some rest. Besides, Charlie has had a long night. She’ll probably sleep for a while.” Doug’s voice is laden with a mixture of worry and fatigue which Carol is well aware of.
“You get some rest, too, alright? You are no good to her if you’re exhausted.” She knows Doug too well. He’s always been a cowboy, especially when it came to kids. And, Charlie, well, she has always been a special case with him. He seemed to take an almost fatherly interest in this girl from her first time at the hospital. Doug may try to act like these kids don’t get to him, but Carol knows that they do. Even when his personal life was in shambles, the kids could always bring out the real Doug Ross. The one who hid from the world most of the time. The guy who cared and sympathized with every child from bee stings to bullet wounds. Yes, Carol knows him well, maybe better than he knows himself sometimes. She knows he’ll be in and out of Charlie’s room all night, checking on her, and that he will probably get very little sleep. But, being a knight in shining armor seems to have become his specialty as of late. Carol sighs, “Doug, promise me you’ll sleep tonight.”
He sighs as well. “I’ll sleep. I just have to check on her a little, that’s all. I don’t want her to wake up and be alone.” His voice becomes choked with emotion as he continues. “Carol, you didn’t see her tonight. She was a mess. I . . . I’m really worried about her.” He is very emotional right now and Carol knows that this is affecting him in a very big way. She is worried for Charlie, too, but, she can’t help but worry for Doug a little as well.
“Call me if you want to talk, okay? Don’t worry about the time, whenever you need me.”
“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Carol. Good-bye.” Doug hangs up the phone and sits down at the kitchen table. He stares down at the table for a long time, not moving. Slowly, his resistance crumbles and he hangs his head in sorrow. Just then, a tear escapes his eye. Then another. Finally, he gives in and begins to sob. He cries for Charlie, and for Carol. He cries for his son, whose name he doesn’t know. He cries for Nadine and all of the other patients, acquaintances, friends, and family he has lost. And, finally, he cries for himself. For all of the things he has done that he’d like to change, all of the things he has seen that he had no control over, and all of the memories that will never go away. He cries for a long time, his tears cleansing away the pain and hurt that have built up.
As he leaves the table, he feels strangely better. Somehow, letting it all out has soothed him a little. He wipes his eyes and goes back to check on Charlie. She is sound asleep when he enters the room. He looks at her and thinks of their earlier conversation about where she would end up when she got better. He begins to think that her road to recovery may be longer than he thought, as he leaves the room. Moments later, he returns with a pillow and blanket. He can’t stand the thought of her waking up and being all alone. He curls up on the floor beside her bed and closes his eyes.
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