Patti PizzazzPatti Pizzazz
STATUS: Heel. Tag team partner, and apprentice/"personal assistant", of Lana Star. Former tag team partner of Randi Rah Rah, "Team Spirit." Feuding with Ice Cold and Poison, although Poison may have switched to Lana and Patti's side now.
WRESTLING: Well, she cartwheels a lot. She needs to do it a little quicker, though; it takes a while, and you really have to wonder why her opponent doesn't just trip her, or perhaps bodyslam her. Maybe it would make more sense, in terms of an escape maneuver, for her to backflip rather than cartwheel. Anyway, I don't remember her doing much else besides some dropkicks and stuff. Based on her kinda scrawny physique, my recollection is probably pretty accurate. Based on the Ice Cold/Patti "lockerroom" confrontation in Show #16, she sells like crap too. She got put through a mirror and had a chair closed on her hand, and looked like she was being lightly massaged. To be fair, Ice wasn't making the offense look too good either (when has she?)
CHARACTER: Patti has actually been asked to do the most acting on the show, as she's both been in a lot of skits and went through a complete character change. None of the character changes have been put over at all by her acting. This is not surprising, when you consider that she seems overwhelmed when asked to deliver simple lines such as "Lana, are you gonna be okay?" and "That's MY job". So it was probably asking too much to ask her to realistically portray a character.
LOOKS: I think she's icky. Her face looks old, and when you put that face in a cheerleader outfit, it's creepy. I suppose her hair is the classic '50s cheerleader style, but it's not very becoming on her either.
COMMENTS: Patti's act was so cloying that it only made sense to turn her heel. Of course, the one thing that didn't make sense was to team her up with Lana Star, who had blinded Patti's former tag team partner, so that's what they did.
To be fair, Patti Pizzazz has a better theme song than Patti Pep, which was her face identity. Her theme used to go "P-A-T-T-I, P-A-T-T-I, Patti Pep! *clap* *clap* *clap* Patti Pep! *clap* clap* clap*" Now that her name has an extra syllable, they don't throw in the claps to fill out the measure; they just repeat the name. Thus, "P-A-T-T-I, P-A-T-T-I, Patti PIZZAZZ! Patti PIZZAZZ!" And "pizzazz" is said with, you got it, pizzazz! It's cool. If you walk up to someone and say the word "pizzazz" like they say it in the theme song, I guarante that person will crack up laughing even if they don't know what the hell you're talking about. You know, now that I just wrote the word "pizzazz" more in one paragraph than I had in my entire life up till this point, I notice what an odd-looking word it is.
Anyway. Patti bugs me. If Lana's storylines are going to continue to be the focal point, I think you have to get Patti out of there. You can't reunite her with Randi as a face, because Patti would be insufferable as a face. I guess you could make Randi a heel, but is that really believable? I have no ideas here. Sorry.
UPDATES:
2/18/01 (show #20):
- In the Lana/Randi wrestling match/battle for Patti's affections, Patti did
try to help Lana, but failed, provoking Lana's anger. So perhaps Lana will be
the one doing the dumping.
3/4/01 (show #22):
- Patti/Randi reunion was teased until Lana put Randi out of commission. I think
reuniting Team Spirit is probably the best thing that can be done with Patti.
She definitely has more chemistry with Randi than with Lana. Let her work on
her acting in that environment, in which she's apparently more comfortable,
before giving her the push that Lana's personal assistant inevitably gets.
No mention was made of the arm injury Patti had at the PPV. Of course, this show was taped before the PPV. That could mean that the "broken arm" angle was not planned in advance -- that something in fact did happen in between this taping and the PPV to sever Patti's relationship with WOW and require the "broken arm" story to be made up at the last minute. Of course, it's quite possible that it's just WOW's usual disregard for continuity. But I am really starting to believe something happened here. It's not like it really made any sense for Lana to take on Ice and Poison at once. Also note that Patti was supposed to be in the swimsuit contest but wasn't. Presumably, the swimsuit pics and videos were done well before the PPV aired. So the "broken arm" doesn't really explain her absence.
3/11/01 (re-run #1):
- Lana dumped Patti over the phone, but Patti didn't actually appear. Furthermore,
Lana said something about ending Patti's wrestling career. In sum, some very
powerful evidence this week that Patti is a gone goose.
3/18/01 (re-run #2):
- Patti's forum on the WOW web board is now inactive, supposedly under instructions
from Lana Star. As usual, the writers can't seem to decide whether Lana actually
is the executive producer of the show or whether it is all in her head,
a confusion which has weakened many of her storylines. That point aside, one
could take this as evidence that Patti will be back; after all, they acknowledge
her existence, and they didn't remove the forum altogether. I am gonna stick
to my guns, though. I think she left, but unlike the other people who left,
they took the time to "write her out". Perhaps WOW doesn't want us
to think that people are leaving the organization during this re-run period,
either because they are going to re-run some of Patti's matches, or because
it just looks bad.
3//01 (re-run #3):
- Sources close to WOW confirm that Patti is gone.